and she dreams again...

I'm confusing myself with all the questions i keep asking myself, just to make sure I know what's going on in my crazy mind right now. But, i'm only confusing myself even more. I'm not sure what it is exactly that i wana do abt *him* anymore. I tried my best to stay away today...and we onli spoke one sentence to each other today. I think that is better? He knows how to put on make up now..hahaa...so vain...and he wore carrot's chain today. But dress like he came from home. How silly rite? I made every effort, not to smile in his direction, not to look happy when attention was given to him, and i went abt myself, instead of being with the guys. Im not sure what i am doing. I just know i dun wan him to be irritated by my presence. Coz i'll act stupidly ard him. Every time i think that the rest will observe and dislike it, it convinves me even more to stay away.  yet, throughout the day, nothing else came to my mind except him, and my work. I know the more i try to forget, it wun happen. I'm not trying to forget, coz there's no way i can un-love him.But i can't keep doing this for another 2+ yrs can i? So, what is it now? Now, i know he doesnt and prob wont feel the samw way. Now, i'll stop being so persistent. Now, i'll just be a friend in the choir, coz i'm no longer sure how close we are in his heart. Now, i'll just tok to him if necessary. Let him come back into my life. it's no point forcing these things. I've done my part, i've tried as hard asd i could for a girl.