and she dreams again...

Sometimes I feel restrained and stiffled, by rules that are good for me, i have to abide but i wish i could just be free and do it coz i want to. There are people i wana spend more time with, but our schedulkes dont allow, anc it doesnt make things better when i cannot see them after a certain hour. im quite sick of having this "worry" that is always weighed on me. I know no matter what it's no point toking abt it, coz the folks wont understand. There are things i just dont bother and cant be bothered to raise up to them. I dont like being 19, but having to be 15. enuff worries, please. I have to learn sooner or later rite? It makes things difficult, and everytime smth is brewing for me, it doesnt last long....coz there's a hold on me. how long can i hide anyway? i wana go after my own happiness, my own fun, my own dreams. That's probably the only thing they're ok with. fuck la, i just feel shitty now. im at hoem today, not out, and guess wad folks? yes, you're rite. it's "that". so i decided to sleep till afternoon since i was having such a bad nite anyway. And i cant tell them i dont sleep well, coz i cry, or tht i wana be alone in my dream world, so tht i wun think abt things, or tht i get nitemares abt some of my greatest fears. So i just say i dont sleep well. They're not tht young anymore, so im oblidged more than ever to worry for their well being, and hence, i'd help out more than ever, but you can be sure i dont like it. argh.

sorry for ranting like a spolit, deprived child. im just very upset. oh i hope orli, sly daph, taufik make it thru...