and she dreams again...

JADED ANYONE

yesterday was TERRIBLE. I nearly shifted out. I think im the worse daughter any parent could have. I have upset them so deeply, im lost. I dont know what the hell is going on inside me anymore. balance has been thrown off totally? im sooo young inside me? I dont know. I hate myself very much tht i say. I love prob 10 percent of myself.

Tht was yesterday.

Today

im still home, i didnt go to harri's for movie marathon or i wouldnt need to step back home. Nvm. Im very very happy tht i have a bf who never puts preasure on me.He understands, and doesnt make me do otherwise tht i need to do even if it means tht we spend lesser time together. But interestingly, the time becomes so much more precious. He's wonderful to me.

Moving on.

I couldnt take any more of schl today. HAIZ.

And besides tht, i'd like to mention again that for specs, i have a fantastic crew. My editor is great. My sound guy is efficient, my director and i still work well together. Lord, thank you, for giving me one thing in schl to still be proud of.

I wana finish schl.

I will find work soon.

I TOO want to go overseas. if only japan didnt cost tht much. i wana go with shaun and janice to japan. DAMN. provide me some cash Lord. i need a break. BADLY.

BRIGHTER, happier news--> dear was superbly happy today. i was happy, relieved and just so glad he was so happy. really. makes me warm inside and an xing. He and rene had a great time at the kelong the last two days. I thgink it really helped.

Thank you Lord.

love, M