Saturday, 5th Auguest 2006

(in order of the time of day)

3:50pm
I was delighted to wake to the msg of " Mel, you wana go to Far East at 2pm?", from Harri. On a Saturday, it's great when friends ask ya out, and friends meet. That would make a great weekend. Weekends are supposed to be enjoyed, and well-spent. My initial plan was to sleep, since they'd be no one to ask me out. But I'm glad that I was wrong =) (Thanks dear). I've suffered the lonely weekends before, and I thought that today might have just been the same. Took a shower, changed and headed out soon after.
I'm now in town, waiting for Audrey, Harri, Simon, Law, and their malacca friends They're on their way, and I'm keeping myself busy with the 8 days and a nice cup og honey green bubble tea. I liked the journey down to town today. Plugged into my music as usual, to the tunes of Five for Fighting, John Mayer and John Mayer Trio, Jamie Cullum and Jack Johnson. These artosts are incredibly talented, and it makes my head spin spin spin. While I was plugged in, i cudnt help but notice tht Singapore dfoes haf some very pretty faces. Some good lookers (girls) yea... and I was on my observation mode again- Some girls haf such great dress sense!I really like the way some of them dress themselves up and match everything so nicely! It makes me feel liek I wana look like that too. Sometimes I wonder why I look so boring and don't really have much dress sense. Coz if I did, then I would be looking good like some of the girls I saw today!
I really do suck. HAHAHA.

8.10pm
Hanging out with Harri+Simon, Law and their friends now. The last few hours has been great! Harri and myself were with Audrey S. for a bit, and we did some shopping in Far East! Audrey had to go off, so we met up with the guys and headed down to HMV.
At HMV, I saw Five for Fighting's NEW ALBUM!!!!!!!! *wince* . SOMEONE PLS BUY IT FOR ME. hahahahaha I also saw a pair of speakers, and suddenly remembered that I wanted to get for myself, a pair of speaker that don't use batts (coz my current ones are wayy too costly (coz I use them everyday, and the batts get used up real fast, not to mention it needs four AA's). Then I remembered, that I need a mirror too. Like a wall mirror, or a half table mirror. I also need a softboard. Sheet.
Neways, we headed down to PS Yamaha, and spent some fimt there, before heading BACK to Heeren for dinner. We walked back and tht was ridiculous. But it was kewl. I enjoyed tht walk with them, while I plugged back to my music, and strolled along the orchard streets on the other side of Orchard Rd which is less populated. We found ourselves in Heeren's Village (which has taken over Marche, but to me it's only a name diff) for dinner. I ate little, and it came up to 5 bucks.
Harri and I headed to Blujaz for BlackPepper's gig after dinn, while the guys headed to Gas Haus for their jam. I felt that BP was mediocore for their second set. Harri didnt quite like it too. They were good, but not great. I decided to wait for the third set, and THEY WERE GREAT.

11.25pm
Loneliness? Everyone, or most of us, fear that, I guess. Tonight, and quite a few other times before, I felt that my dear gurl feared tht too. I think Ive gone thru that, and dont fear it as much now, it's not tht bad, but i STILL hate it, coz it can get bad. She had to go home, but she was gonna meet him anyway, so i felt if I tagged along, I wud still have dned up being alone. but anyway, we wud have gone different directions. And Charles taught me before, that we all have to learn to be alone sometimes. For people who need company alot, it can be a tough feat.
Now, I'm sitting alone, waiting for BP's third set. I'm not sure whether to stay or not. if I don't, I can catch the last train home. But if I do, i wud haf to go back with him, and I fear what might happen later. See, I'm not sure, whether my presence made a difference tonight? Does he noe that I really wanted to come tonight? Does he want me here? Well, mm I guess he does, since he invited me sorta to come. But now, wud he wan me to stay on for the last set? Shud I? I guess it's my decision to make. Afterall, I don't have himt o care for me anymore. So what shud I do now? (don't stay/ stay)--and I did an eni mini myni mo.

2.20am
I chose to stay. I don't regret it at all. I got to see them at their best, despite all of them being real tired by now. It's strange, how we always seem to give off our best when we're dead tired. And so they really grooved on their last set. I was glad to see them enjoying themselves. Charles was great on leys, YP was fantastic on guit, Jw was grooving on his bass, and Kalai's drums were whacking. I just knew that they cud pull it off. There was alot more feel.
On the way back however, I felt that the two boys were troubled. The band has some issues to deal with. I got to speak with jw just only online, and I told him that Charles and him shudnt worry so much. Things will work out. The band is great. I was plugged into John Mayer Trio while walking back from his place, and I told JW that they cud become like that too one day. it's possible. Charles is really worn out by army, and it's de4finitely affecting him. But guys, every single one of us in our click are strong. You'll pull thru, and the badn too, will be great. BElieve in yrselves. Sometimes, there's no need to worry so much. And go with your instincts and decide. That's the best. Keep pushing on.

All of us have our weaknesses and trials. Thats what people are here for. To give a little advice and reassurance. Sometimes we can't decide on everything ourselves. We're all mature and immature in our ways. We all see things on different levels.

Seeing how tired jw was tonight, I suddenly realised, that at d end of the day, I can no longer blame him much. He needs to work things out. I have to be 21 and walk on. I guess I am a big girl now, and I can stand up to a certain extent, myself. He can too, but there's a part of us, too weak to work on our own, and I hope one day, I'll haf tht support again. Till then only God can really watch over me.

Sometimes people ask me why I do silly things, becoz of him. And I say it's very simple. It's becoz of love. Nothing cud make me walk home four times already, int he nmiddle of the night. And Im beginning to love it though. The walk gets shorter each time. And I know he'd never do tht for me. And tht is really fine. What was my excuse tonight? That i was hingry, and needed to eat at the 24 hr coffee shop below his block. But theres actually one nearer my block. Im silly, but I know it.

21 in 12 days time. I don't have a choice.
I hope I can correct my left over teenage probs soon.
I have a long way to go.

Good night everyone.

Listen to John Mayer Trio, Five for Fighting and Jamie Cullum.
Listen to Miles Davis and John Coltrane too.

I wrote smth while I was at blujaz. This is what I said:

-Blujaz-
Wind blows,
soothes me,
my hearts rests,
to the calm sound
of music

We are here-
one arm's length
away
and no,
I cant touch
you
cant touch me

You are happy,
I am lonely
I sit here
for you
I wait
here
for you

Will you
still love me?

Going by
our simple lives
confused
& so complexed
can we
blame
ourselves
anymore?

To not be
too hard
on myself;
& so I've learnt,
over recent
times

You come by
and say a few
"hi's" and "how are yous"
& all
I can do
is smile, outside.

Will you
still love, me?