...in her head again.......
Sunday, Oct 1st 2006
Happy sweet 16th Birthday Teressa.
And Happy Birthday tmr Freda. hahaha.
Gosh these kids are SO MUCH YOUNGER. hahaha. I feel damn old. While talking to bao earlier on the bus, he said he just turned 17 on Sept 27th. SHIT. 17... tht was like 5 years ago for me. ARGH. 5 yrs ago, I just joined my choir and just came out of sec schl . hahaha. And now I realise that Charles is like 18, 19? I cant remember hahaha.
Anyway. Im really tired today. A long week of work. Work only ended yesterday man. Sheesh. But the nice thing is I earned some cash at Blujaz, so tths good.
I feel rather distant from my church friends these days. I dont know why. Somehow I find myself very quiet during dinner for I have nothing to contribute to them. I mean I was tired, of coz, and not well, but I find that Im different now, and tht difference is causing us to drift. I dont know. Basically, something's missing these days.
Anyway. Tmr I can relax! THANK GOD for children's day!!! Seriously need the rest! I wana go to the bank to get some stuff done and prob meet harri for a bit. Tmr can iron also. yay. holidays are great!
I made my decision, and of coz my deicision still stays.
But do u think its any easier for me? If anything im still on the losing end. Im still hurting. Both ways staying and leaving I hurt. So might as well leave.
Im not sure in what way u think of me all the time, coz ive not heard u say tht in a million yrs. And I still think i dont mean anything to you anymore.
Dont be angry or sad, if u will at all, but pls understand, im confused, and after all the hurt ive put up with,ive decided to leave. I cant put up with anymore of whatever that comes between us. Ure happy either way. So please, let me work my butt off, and walk my quiet life. Its gonan take u alot before I believe yr words again.
Move mountains, or pluck the stars from the sky. ok?
.... its tough, wanting comfort, and needing it more like it, hopeing somoene would see how much I need a hug and someone to lean on now. Yet I cant turn to yr direction and I musnt, for if I do, I wud only end up hurting myself again. Its so difficult to be strong.. to need a hug, and yet know I cant have one from anyone. To know tht when I tear, I still have to just close my eyes and go to sleep, as if nothing happened.
Im tired.
Sunday, Oct 1st 2006
Happy sweet 16th Birthday Teressa.
And Happy Birthday tmr Freda. hahaha.
Gosh these kids are SO MUCH YOUNGER. hahaha. I feel damn old. While talking to bao earlier on the bus, he said he just turned 17 on Sept 27th. SHIT. 17... tht was like 5 years ago for me. ARGH. 5 yrs ago, I just joined my choir and just came out of sec schl . hahaha. And now I realise that Charles is like 18, 19? I cant remember hahaha.
Anyway. Im really tired today. A long week of work. Work only ended yesterday man. Sheesh. But the nice thing is I earned some cash at Blujaz, so tths good.
I feel rather distant from my church friends these days. I dont know why. Somehow I find myself very quiet during dinner for I have nothing to contribute to them. I mean I was tired, of coz, and not well, but I find that Im different now, and tht difference is causing us to drift. I dont know. Basically, something's missing these days.
Anyway. Tmr I can relax! THANK GOD for children's day!!! Seriously need the rest! I wana go to the bank to get some stuff done and prob meet harri for a bit. Tmr can iron also. yay. holidays are great!
I made my decision, and of coz my deicision still stays.
But do u think its any easier for me? If anything im still on the losing end. Im still hurting. Both ways staying and leaving I hurt. So might as well leave.
Im not sure in what way u think of me all the time, coz ive not heard u say tht in a million yrs. And I still think i dont mean anything to you anymore.
Dont be angry or sad, if u will at all, but pls understand, im confused, and after all the hurt ive put up with,ive decided to leave. I cant put up with anymore of whatever that comes between us. Ure happy either way. So please, let me work my butt off, and walk my quiet life. Its gonan take u alot before I believe yr words again.
Move mountains, or pluck the stars from the sky. ok?
.... its tough, wanting comfort, and needing it more like it, hopeing somoene would see how much I need a hug and someone to lean on now. Yet I cant turn to yr direction and I musnt, for if I do, I wud only end up hurting myself again. Its so difficult to be strong.. to need a hug, and yet know I cant have one from anyone. To know tht when I tear, I still have to just close my eyes and go to sleep, as if nothing happened.
Im tired.
posted by melissa at 10/02/2006 12:58:00 AM
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