and she dreams again...

TIME CHECK

YES. Time Check pls? 5am on Saturday 18 March. I've been awake since 830am Friday 17 march. Having a horrid flu infection for the last couple of days. The most irritating thing is that my nose cloggs up together with my throay, and I have difficulty breathing. the smell of infected mucus is bad enuff. The colour is worse, and AND, the stickiness if just frustrating.

So i headed to schl for onli equipment stuff today. NVM. Sick, but still attend. I honestly know myself, that i can hardly contribute there in any manner. Tmr, broadcast event shoot. WAIT. I have to wake in 4 hrs time? ...

What did I do the entire day.

In the later afternoon, I met shirin and alex. They can combine together and make one of me. DAMN IT. Nonethelees was great meetingt hem after four yrs. Harri came along for a short while and I truly did enjoy their company today. Everything felt the same, except tht we were older and more womanly now. HAHAH.

We went to play pool and I bumped into a jerk i really didnt wana see forever. How dare he have the guts to say hi to me. ass.

Cantor meeting at nite, for easter vigil the next sunday aftre this one, which is lenten vigil. Due to emails i sent out over the cantor ministry egroup, it led to big sam toking to me and it prolonged the whole meeting. It left me crying on my way home. No, dont worry he dint scold me. In fact he was very forgiving about it, considering that i created quite a scene over the email group. I was angry, pissed off with certain things that werent right. And previously, i'd sent out an email to my choir which i unknowingly got some people toking abt. My wrong choice of words. Unintentional.

Anyway, Big sam really wants me to take over the sops. he wants me to learn to be adult NOW. he wants me to be a leader proper, ASAP. Just a while back, Nick said he needed me to grow up fast, and like NOW. i was very stressed up earlier tonight, because of all the wrong things i did, and after the prep talk, I realised I was stuck in a mess. Coz I wasnt ready to fully dispense my leadership role, and yet Im already expected to, and i felt realli horrible after i sent out those emails. yet all sam said was "dont do those stupid things again."

I dont know whats wrong with me. Deep Deep down, i wana do everything 100 percent, but i have WAY too many commitments, responsibilities, and i'm having a hard time balancing: School project and exam,family, choir sop head duties, cantor ministry responsiblities and meetings, my dear that i make sure i have enuff time, and take care of him..and now considering the few days are even more important than ever, singing class homework, friends, .
Since i started meeting old friends and haging out a lot more, my social life has become busier. But I stil have my work done along with it. But becoz i wana give 100 precent in everything, i'm beginning to feel the strain and stress. This week I have an additional stress factor, for those wh o know why. Once i got home, the things I had to worry about took up so much time, hence why I'm still here typing. I'm so so damn tired. But i've gotta do my stuff myself yes.

Im very sick, and yet im straining this week. I have to plan the next week according to my study needs, my cantor ministry needs as tues have meeting for vigil cantors onli and wed coz fetching dear, im not going for the monthly meeting ...and i have to be home at certain times of the days in the week to do certain things...and i promised friends to stay and all...im going mad. I really feel like the stress is too much. I not cpping now am i.

I should just sleep,,and tmr onwards try to take one thing at a time. I need schl to be over. I need a job . I need to get my demos done. AGH.

i need to be with him so badly right now.so so badly...its driving me mad...coz theres just no one here rite now...all i can do is write here..i cant bear to tell him coz i dont want him to worry for me..he has to stay focused while hes traning...im falling..with no pillars to support...