Blogger has stopped having the colour chart on the create entry page for ages. At this point in time, it is really annoying me.

I haven't written for quite a few days. I am in a very very lousy mood. I am also very tired, and still pretty much sick. I've had two very nastry days at work, and it has really reminded me how very sure I am about leaving this terribly demanding, ridiculous job. Kudos to all teachers. You guys are amazing.

I had an awesome weekend. Definitely a 180 degree difference compared to these two days. The weekend-the only time I can find some happy moments, some reprieve, some comfort. Saturday was a great day spent with the guys, and dear. I stayed over at dear's place, and got to practise some piano, watch some movies, and watch him repair him bass guitars. He changed strings, altered the pick ups and all manually. It was interesting to watch. The stay over was good. He took very good care off me. I felt very loved, and now that both of us are under such great work stress, the weekend, has become extremely precious. Three meals and more he prepared for me. never once did he not pat my back when I coughed. This is something I felt very touched by. He always patted, or "hit" my back, when I coughed, which was probably a million times. After breakfast, he made me a huge cup of milo, and I didn't even ask. When we were out with charles and the rest, he bought mee rebus and even bought a chicken sausage for me. Dear--thank you.

The gig on sat at blujazz was simply the best. Seems T^he Lull cant do without the bass, it just feels so empty without. They grooved with so much feeling. Charles really impressed me with his new song that night. Superb performance. Thumbs up no doubt.

Then came yesterday. The kids drove me up the wall, and probably up to the sky.ZEven the good ones were doing all sorts of stupid things today. I yelled my lungs out, and because of them, trying to get so many things doen for them, I was up and down, up and down, but NOO they didn't even care, whether I was coughing like mad. I was extremely upset with them yesterday. I had nothing to eat, like many other schl days, but yesterday, we had remedial, and tht made me have no lunch either. This totally pissed me off. Added to them just NOT LISTENING, AND NOT KEEPING THEIER DAMN MOUTHS SHUT. I was damn tired. Instead of the usual DAILY CAB I take to school, I took cab BACK HOME as well. (I've probably spent a few hundreds on cab these two-three months). I hit the bed the min I was home, and knocked out till 11pm. Dear called, and that was when I realised I hadn't even looked at my phone the whole day. Even if I did, I was so tired. Just so tired. Bathed, took some miso soup, and went back to bed till this morning.

This morning, the usual mad rush and struggle to wake up. The thought of the kis today, particulalry made me feel terrible. But I HAD TO GO. I had to, it's their first exam paper. BUT STILL THEY DON'T LISTEN. They don't take me seriously. Instructions repeated many many times, and they STILL DONT KNOW OR DO IT WRONGLY. There were so many examples: Likenot using pencil during exam, shading the OAS, NO talking or moving ard during exam, SIMPLE THINGS. But they JUST DIDNT HEAR IT. Repeared many times already. The senior teachers and I got into quite a heated thing today. We didnt quarrel , but becoz of certaint hings we all got angry with each other. There was much confusion about my last day of work, which really upset me.

So I have to go back to work enxt week, coz now till then, I have to finish marking ALL THE EXAM PAPERS, an do breakdown analysis for each paper, before I leave. I also have to tie up alot of loose ends admin wise etc. I'm now home, and gonna start marking again. I think, compared to most of the teachers in my schl, what Im doing is minimal, but Im already doing my best to cope, to get as many aspects of the job done as possible. it's just CRAZY. You ask me, do I see myself doing this next time again? NO WAY. NEVER. After calculating, this full time pay, as good as it is, (ok it's pretty great), isn't worth the madness of this job. Each hr u get [aid 4 maybe. And tht is only counting the official hours. I realised I have no patience for this job.

Yes, though I'd hate to be alot broker, and always trying to make ends meet. But I haven't been weel since the start, and haven't been eating properly at all. I promise dear to eat well on weekdays, but I simply can't. I spent the first three weeks on mostly biscuits. Then paos,and barley, then bowl noodles, and sandwiches, and Im back to biscuits again.

I badly need time to start working on some gig worth material.

Dad is gonna ask me to shift end of march. HOORAY. (im so fucking sick of this shite). Nick scolded me for not turing up for choir on sunday. I was just so tired. He implied I was irresponsible when I take my role so seriously. Nick said I dont rest when I should. Work drives me up to way past my neck already. The only time I can unwind is the weekend. And even then I do rest, over at dear's place.

The next few days are a washout again. I won't get a chance to practise anything. And most likely won't have the energy to also, which is what I've been feeling.

No matter what, I must do some stuff with charles before he enlists and after I finish this job. God, I need just a little bit more strength to pull thru till next week, coz I'm really tired.