have much to blog abt today!: )

Firstly, a random thoguht came to my head abt my fav clours now! It's kinda widened in range and changed a bit hahahaha. Fav colours now are!: Black, white, silver, purple, red, blue, pink, maroon, brown, dirty green, mmm yea thts all! : )

And then! remember the list of cds and dvds ive been collating?? hahah I have more to add to the list of cds! :
-Steve Tyler
-Samoma
-Snow PATROL!!
-Remember Me (Compilation)
-Emi Fujita!!!!
-Dica (Chinese compilation) -r (re,e,ber whjat r stands for? ahah reserved!)
-RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS (Stadium Acadium) -> this album is SO GOOD.
-Carpemters (Gold cd and dvd)*

MAN.... look so many cds to add to tht list which already had like 30???? =( hahahahahaa HOWWWW hahahaha

and for the dvds list! =( DVDS LEH! how to afford tell me??!
-Grey's Anatomy SEASON ONE~!!!!!!!!!!
-SCRUBS (PLS GET ME SCRUBS dvd or vcd set)
hahaha
and for vcds!-
-il mare
-my sassy girl
-DAISY!
-Derailed!

hehehe... i shall UPDATE the WHOLE list near my 21ST BDAY!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA 21ST! ok fine no big deal heh.

Hmm..so!, today i had some thoughts as usual.. esp when the day at work was agonisingly testing my patience. But somehow i can't quite remember all my thoughts tht I wanted to list, except a few like, now im guilt free when i oggle at guys and tht maybe it is much more carefree to be single : ) I can do whatever i want.it's kinda fun too, coz i can get to know more guys HAHAH. Ive had a few eye candies the last few days myself :p like NOEL!!!! heh, and the guy near my shop who helps with the mix rice stall, and the guy from s&k tho he isnt much to look at actually la hahahahahah. But the thing is, I just LOOK and thts it. Nothing near the surface even, coz I know who i really love..and i dont even know these guys. But becoz I must move on, im starting to skip ard, jump ard, and enjoy myself when i can. Work sucks, and when i get to run errands or go for lunch or smth, i make myself happy...and the feeling is great. Hanging out with harri and friends for gigs, gg shopping realllly makes me happy. I just ot myself some new looking tops again haha.

On a more serious note, i have thoroughly done an open minded analysis of my past erlationship and the one within...and i can only be so thankful for everything good tht happened between us and forget the sad ones, for it was truly unfortunate the way things all unfolded. No one cud have seen it happen this way. Sad as it is, the huge mess has been caused, and I can only thank the two of us so much and say Im really sorry for any hurt caused. Likewise I hope U say the same to me too one day. I prob can never stop loving u both, and will always be grateful yet harbour a bit of hate for the way u made things turn out. But I will take blame for any wrong moves. It cant just br my or yr fault..so yea. i see a much clearer picture now...ive really thought thru everything. So now, it's a single, maybe more carefree, cud be harder, but need to be stronger life. It has to be the way since it seems to be correct.

*breathes* Life is so weird. Love, is so weird. It can wreck relationships,a nd bring them back too. Since we've made this mess when we're younger, thinking on a scale of 10 yrs, and instead of having oen, i lost both and both lost me, and each other, i can only see what God has in store for us now. If it's meant to be, i'd be with one of u again next time. i realised how similar things were in both relationships..it's uncannily scary. But they were so special. I think some of u might be shocked. Why do i keep mentioning another person...well, it'squite complexed.But it isn't what u think it was. U have to trust me. I was still very much loyal to him. Jw and I always had underlying probs tht just made everything else more confusing. But I really loved him then. I really loved truly. But the other relationship was unfortunate timing.

Realise it's all abt time and heart and all tht. well. I have to bear the lose now. I hope ure doing fine jw. One day, u'll talk to me. i love u.

To the other person, I wana say I finally understand why ure so angry. U gave me a chance and i blew it, coz i cudnt give up on who i had already and the internal reasons between us u knew. u were already so understanding back then. What more cud i do..u chose to move on too.

JW, I hope u find soemone better and someone ure really looking for. The hurt was just too much. pls dont expect me to forgive u or smile at u so easily again..coz ive lost my trust in u...but thank u.

I feel better now. Im starting to have a proper closure for myself. Maybe thts why these days im not just HAPPY OR SAD. for a month, i cud never be happy... i was normally sad..and made worse with the job and songs.. these days i can be happy again and in a day i can feel happier than sadder. I can feel things are chanigng now. Im uncertain im afraid.. but slowly.

U never NEVER know what will happen tmr. things cud change 360 degrees. Ive seen and experienced it happen so I completely believe what i just said. One day ure with sonmeone, next day u lose the whole world. One day u have a good friend, the next day he or she is gone. I dont know what has happened between me and charles now. Nothing at all, but i sense smth isnt right. my sixth sense has never once been wrong. i dont wish to see a recurrence episode number six or smth. if im gonna lose someone impt, Lord, let me lose him with no pain. co Ive hjad enuff of losing people..esp guy friends.

OK! tmr is a vew happy day!!!! IVE GOT TWP JOB INTERVIEWS TMR!!! =) YAYYYYYYYY, and im gg giordano to pick up a tshirt!.(I have a friend working there and she gets THIRTY PERCENT DISCOUNT MAN. I already got from giordano just now! 13 bucks for a top instead of 20!) im also gonna cut my fringe and go to d optition to get smth. LONG DAY AHEAD :) a gd day off its gonna be . Im happy and excited, really. this is the beginning of a new chapter. =)

Will i be strong enuff? only time will tell.

So many songs reminded me of things today. But Im taking it well now. I try my best to. ok gtg, dsmn tired.