-God works in amazing ways-
Isn't it strange, how God works.
Last night, I felt very unwell and turned in at 8pm. I kno cked out till 11ish and woke up because I needed to use the toilet. Then as I laid back down, I cudnt sleep at all. Tossed for three hours, till I heard Patrick come home at 2odd am. But in tht three hours, I did thorough thinking.
I remembered that recently, JinSheng asked me to really sit down and think what i wana do in life in terms of work. I'm already clear on my musical vision and my choir vision. But getting a job that suited that commitment has always been a problem. Though Ive been doing this admin job, i have felt most uncomfortable. I dont know why, and I can't really put a finger to it. But I dont feel right in the environment and with the work. I feel awkward if not anything else.I havent even signed the contract and alot of things are really weird. But many said it pays well and so I should stick to it plus it's five days. I'm tired of job hopping as much as friends are sick of hearing me job hop.
So, as I laid there quietly last night, I "went back" to a yr ago, after graduation and started analysing all the different jobs I've been doing. I analysed the reasons I liked it, and the reasons I didn't. The reasons why I cudnt stay on full time, and there were indeed many factors. Many things clouded my mind as well, and all this while, being in the difficult position of trying to get smth I liked. Coz in this last two weeks, I realised u really need to do work u love, if not waiting for the time to pass will kill you, just so tht I can wait for the evening to go jam or meet friends or go for church.
So, in my mind,I zipped pass the memories of cafe cartel being part time and being too irregular, and i loved it, but full time wasnt an option being I was weak. I missed it coz I enjoyed serving. I zipped pass tuition centre because there was crazy ms ye and the weekend, and i was paid internship pay. I zipped pass the horrigible sales job at the arts shop last yr, and then cartel again and came to this yr's memories.
Suddenly the memories of january-march were as fresh as yesterday's memories. I remembered ths kids, the work load, the teachers, the marking, and my time with JW, Charles Ivan and our band things. I started to realise how disorgniased I was. How I cudnt cope with work, simply coz I didnt know when to do what and to prioritise. I cudnt take the full load and much less juggle it. But it was weird, as i laid there thinking last night, my mind started to organise how I would go about it if I had another chance at teaching. Somehow it all seemed to work out. I realised then tht I didnt priortise and I wanted to spend more time with JW than anything else; something I dont have now. And now I started feeling this urge to want to go back to teaching, despite how much I had complained to the world tht i didnt want it anymore and wouldnt blink my eye at it again. No one cud convince me. Even recently, I was still afraid to take up tuition coz I didnt know how to go about doing lesson plans etc.
As ure reading this, are u starting to freak out? Is Mel gonna make yet another rash decision??? Then my mind floated on those memories for a long time, and I recalled that, that fateful night I told JW he never tried hard enuff. In those thre months, he actually did try. I must admit. But I guess I meant he always gives up too easily. I say this because as I sat on my bed eventually (as it got too hot) and thought about that three months, the me and him THEN and the me, him NOW, is really different. We have grown so much in the last few months that we don't even realise it. What I wasn't able to deal with back then,I figure, wudnt be a problem now. I wonder why I wasnt serious abt my work then.
So I let tht rest for a bit. I zipped past Gramophone job from apr-june..and how only a few days ago till yesterday, I was still considering of re-joining them. But I finally decided not to after Wayne told me that I MUST start with other branches first as OUB and IP are the more elite branches. That means it's bosses have much higher standard than the rest as they are in the office area and work different days and horus compared to the other branches. I have been having gramophone withdrawal symptoms as I mentioned in my earlier entry. But that would take away my time for my greater loves in life asgainw udnt it. I miss being the first at hand to receive new music.
Then my mind came to now, after havig spoken to JW again, after having had a three odd weeks break, gigged twice, and currently busy getting another ready; and zipped pass the recent really enjoyable choir retreat till this job the last two weeks. Im ill again. Not enuff vitamins and got myself pretty drunk the previous night. What am I? What have I become? Where do i wana head to?????---Then the thought came to mind: Poeple asking me to consider teaching again, amd most recently Charm tay msg me on friendster and she thought I was doing kindergarden teaching. THAT'S IT! That's what i really want to do. I want to work with kids. I want to teach without having to bring home books to mark, lessons to plan and having to worrrrrrrriiiiieee abt the work on the weekend. I want smth tht I can leave work there and thts it, and my time aftre tht is for whatever else. i can't join some recording studio? Im not some trained engineer. If I do, i wana join as a recording artist.
Oh gosh. The thought was enlightening. I woke up today at 1pm, still groggy and continued pondering over it. Maybe I should ring up Good Shepard kindergarden again. Maybe she has a space for me? Maybe I will get bonded and then take classes in the evening. DO i REALLY WANT TO? the pay isnt very good. MEL MEL, wud u have gotten another full time job if u were back home??? Eventually, was my answer to myself.
Then GOD WAS AMAZING. My phone rang at 3:59pm. Who could it be I thought? The vice principal of a school called. I dont wana mention names yet. They are looking for as assistant teacher. The daily rate is as good as my full time rate u noe. Starting monday, AND till end of this yr. I cud extent even maybe.
Two Words. WOW. WOW. wait a third. WOW.
I dont take on the full load. aka I am their full time relief teacher. how nice is tht huh. :) Im familiar with everything in a school. Whats there to worry abt. Working hours are 5 days, 8-4:30pm. I dont need to take home work. OO =D
Am I happy? I am SOO FUCKING HAPPY. I don't believe calls come RINGING on you all the time. How could it be tht I was seriously considering teaching without the full load and this call came in? Im gg down to see the VP on Friday morning. I am very very exicted.
God, THANK YOU.
=0)
Isn't it strange, how God works.
Last night, I felt very unwell and turned in at 8pm. I kno cked out till 11ish and woke up because I needed to use the toilet. Then as I laid back down, I cudnt sleep at all. Tossed for three hours, till I heard Patrick come home at 2odd am. But in tht three hours, I did thorough thinking.
I remembered that recently, JinSheng asked me to really sit down and think what i wana do in life in terms of work. I'm already clear on my musical vision and my choir vision. But getting a job that suited that commitment has always been a problem. Though Ive been doing this admin job, i have felt most uncomfortable. I dont know why, and I can't really put a finger to it. But I dont feel right in the environment and with the work. I feel awkward if not anything else.I havent even signed the contract and alot of things are really weird. But many said it pays well and so I should stick to it plus it's five days. I'm tired of job hopping as much as friends are sick of hearing me job hop.
So, as I laid there quietly last night, I "went back" to a yr ago, after graduation and started analysing all the different jobs I've been doing. I analysed the reasons I liked it, and the reasons I didn't. The reasons why I cudnt stay on full time, and there were indeed many factors. Many things clouded my mind as well, and all this while, being in the difficult position of trying to get smth I liked. Coz in this last two weeks, I realised u really need to do work u love, if not waiting for the time to pass will kill you, just so tht I can wait for the evening to go jam or meet friends or go for church.
So, in my mind,I zipped pass the memories of cafe cartel being part time and being too irregular, and i loved it, but full time wasnt an option being I was weak. I missed it coz I enjoyed serving. I zipped pass tuition centre because there was crazy ms ye and the weekend, and i was paid internship pay. I zipped pass the horrigible sales job at the arts shop last yr, and then cartel again and came to this yr's memories.
Suddenly the memories of january-march were as fresh as yesterday's memories. I remembered ths kids, the work load, the teachers, the marking, and my time with JW, Charles Ivan and our band things. I started to realise how disorgniased I was. How I cudnt cope with work, simply coz I didnt know when to do what and to prioritise. I cudnt take the full load and much less juggle it. But it was weird, as i laid there thinking last night, my mind started to organise how I would go about it if I had another chance at teaching. Somehow it all seemed to work out. I realised then tht I didnt priortise and I wanted to spend more time with JW than anything else; something I dont have now. And now I started feeling this urge to want to go back to teaching, despite how much I had complained to the world tht i didnt want it anymore and wouldnt blink my eye at it again. No one cud convince me. Even recently, I was still afraid to take up tuition coz I didnt know how to go about doing lesson plans etc.
As ure reading this, are u starting to freak out? Is Mel gonna make yet another rash decision??? Then my mind floated on those memories for a long time, and I recalled that, that fateful night I told JW he never tried hard enuff. In those thre months, he actually did try. I must admit. But I guess I meant he always gives up too easily. I say this because as I sat on my bed eventually (as it got too hot) and thought about that three months, the me and him THEN and the me, him NOW, is really different. We have grown so much in the last few months that we don't even realise it. What I wasn't able to deal with back then,I figure, wudnt be a problem now. I wonder why I wasnt serious abt my work then.
So I let tht rest for a bit. I zipped past Gramophone job from apr-june..and how only a few days ago till yesterday, I was still considering of re-joining them. But I finally decided not to after Wayne told me that I MUST start with other branches first as OUB and IP are the more elite branches. That means it's bosses have much higher standard than the rest as they are in the office area and work different days and horus compared to the other branches. I have been having gramophone withdrawal symptoms as I mentioned in my earlier entry. But that would take away my time for my greater loves in life asgainw udnt it. I miss being the first at hand to receive new music.
Then my mind came to now, after havig spoken to JW again, after having had a three odd weeks break, gigged twice, and currently busy getting another ready; and zipped pass the recent really enjoyable choir retreat till this job the last two weeks. Im ill again. Not enuff vitamins and got myself pretty drunk the previous night. What am I? What have I become? Where do i wana head to?????---Then the thought came to mind: Poeple asking me to consider teaching again, amd most recently Charm tay msg me on friendster and she thought I was doing kindergarden teaching. THAT'S IT! That's what i really want to do. I want to work with kids. I want to teach without having to bring home books to mark, lessons to plan and having to worrrrrrrriiiiieee abt the work on the weekend. I want smth tht I can leave work there and thts it, and my time aftre tht is for whatever else. i can't join some recording studio? Im not some trained engineer. If I do, i wana join as a recording artist.
Oh gosh. The thought was enlightening. I woke up today at 1pm, still groggy and continued pondering over it. Maybe I should ring up Good Shepard kindergarden again. Maybe she has a space for me? Maybe I will get bonded and then take classes in the evening. DO i REALLY WANT TO? the pay isnt very good. MEL MEL, wud u have gotten another full time job if u were back home??? Eventually, was my answer to myself.
Then GOD WAS AMAZING. My phone rang at 3:59pm. Who could it be I thought? The vice principal of a school called. I dont wana mention names yet. They are looking for as assistant teacher. The daily rate is as good as my full time rate u noe. Starting monday, AND till end of this yr. I cud extent even maybe.
Two Words. WOW. WOW. wait a third. WOW.
I dont take on the full load. aka I am their full time relief teacher. how nice is tht huh. :) Im familiar with everything in a school. Whats there to worry abt. Working hours are 5 days, 8-4:30pm. I dont need to take home work. OO =D
Am I happy? I am SOO FUCKING HAPPY. I don't believe calls come RINGING on you all the time. How could it be tht I was seriously considering teaching without the full load and this call came in? Im gg down to see the VP on Friday morning. I am very very exicted.
God, THANK YOU.
=0)
posted by melissa at 7/12/2006 07:30:00 PM
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