Thursday, 24th August 2006
In the office

Maybe writing here helps, though it doesn't go online. (Ok, so i HAVE decided to put it online.) (You see im writing this in the office. But the IT here is so good, that we only have access to the comapny's email and intranet. So i can't be online. LOL. Danit. HAHAHA.)

I nearly wanted to call in sick today. It seems to be a bad habit or routine
I have every time Im on a job.
My manager put it quite aptly the other day, during lunch,
that youngsters have energy for play, but not for work. And I remember most cautiously
replying to her that it's the mind that can't handle the mundane and uninteresting routine of work in youngsters.
Unless that youngster finds work that he truly enjoys. (My stand being that play, is different all the time,
but obviously for work, it goes on day after day, week, after week; year after year. I think, that
unending feeling is really, very unbearable to even think of. Hah, though one might say then that youngsters would not mind having play go on forever and ever, as long as they have the "ke-chings", to maintain that playful lifestyle. And, I am compelled to say that SOME of the youngsters today, DO indeed enjoy that sinful luxury. Though I would say that when they eventually face reality, that will be quite a shock for them.)

And so, this morning I felt most terrible.
I was sleepy, and by that I mean that I really felt like sleeping and getting some rest.
I have this bodily disfunctionality, that makes me feel very tired in the morning, and very awake at night.
Yea, older folks will tell us it's a youngsters problem definitely. It's our daily bad habits of
sleeping late that eventually leads to it becoming part of our body's routine.

But somehow I thought of the money, and the fact that if I make the same mistake as before, and not turn up for
work, esp it being the 3rd day only and all, im probably gonna find mysef losing this job sooner or later.
So I willed myself to wake up. I don't have a choice, coz everyone else wakes up for work.
It really sucks. But I knew that if I were to not go to work, I'd wake up late in the afternoon, feeling worse than
going to work. And I really don't feel good when that happens, because i feel a huge degree of guilt,
and ueslessness. I'd feel defeated, and feeling defeated by your very self, is the worse feeling ever.

If students can wake up for school; bright and early in the mroning, why can't I right? And this is not even as early
as relief teaching or teaching or any other shift job that starts wayyy earlier in the morning.
AHA, this is what I mean by taking up older people's advice! HAHAH! (did I just say that??!) Coz kor used to
advise me never to compare oneself with those better than you, but rather those worse off than yourself. And so that's exactly what I'm foing now.
In a way it's true.
Just how and in what way will you feel better comapring to those richer?, those "happpier"?, or those
lucky ones who start work at 10ish am and knock off at 6ish? LOL *winks at *Jus*. HAH. But having said that,
there are those who start wayy early in the morning, and don't drop their work till bedtime. And I do know
some people who do that. Some of them are mothers, some are very busy young adults, and some are working hard to put their career somehwere on that corporate ladder for theier future.

Anyway.. I'll continue later. Work calls. *mutter*.

[AFTER LUNCH]

Alright, I'm back from lunch. I'm still as sleppy as I was a few hours ago. ^o)
Afew more hours to go, and I can head home and meet Fi later!!! :) I wanted to meet jie tonight,
but I realy feel that she should spend time with Kae.

Hahaa. I wonder why I feel lighter today. :s Starange. It's not like my mind isn't thinking of.. you-know-what-and-who, but just that tday, it doesn't seem to bother me that much. Or maybe it doest, but my mind hasn't started thinking yet, cosnidering that it's half asleep *GRIN*. The only question I have had on my mind since the incident the previous night, is whether he is angry about it. But, in the same breath, I'll say that I don't care if he is, because technically he has noright to feel that way about it. It's a free world and I can be-friend anyone I want, even his friends, and it's no blardy fucking big deal. If he feels threatened, or hurt, well so do I. If he says that I can do anything I want, then yes, this is "anything" for him. HAHAHAHA. Please la, people, I'm not so mean ok. I don't do those one eye for the other kinda thing. But what I'm trying to say is, I'm saddened that such a matter meant like the world was shaking to him. Sometimes, he doesn't even bother to reply msgs. But he could bother to msgme about this sort of thing. It only proves my instincts right more and more. This is JUST how well I know him.

But librans? They don't are, and they don't sat a word till it really matters. And it took one action from me for him to go to such an extent to question. Just over smth like that. That would mean my months of crying, and trying so hard to show him how much he means to me, isnt even a quarter as much of an impact to make himw ana say or do anything.

I think quiet time with God helped last night. I seem lghter today. SORT. OF.

[LATER]

....
sleepy... sleepy... hahahaha...gosh can't wait to knock off.

listening to rachael yamagat now! NICE! Anyone has collide? Can send to me pls??!?!?!!? :))))

And anyone has sweet smile by Guns and Roses??

Much thanks!

mel!


p/s: curse tht stupid idiot in the company who just told me to take off my headphones... common man, im doing my work! ASSSSSSHOLE.

[BEFORE WORK ENDED]

Oh btw, if any of u wana reach me via internet during office hours, for the next two months, u can email me me Melissa.Liaw@expeditors.com coz the comps in d office dont allow internt use and can only access email and intranet. We're talking abt company email only even. So, anything urgent, u dont wana call, u dont wana msg, just email me! And i will reply u!!! :) wohoooo

[AT NIGHT]
It's the fourth day at work tmr, and Im already sotired. OH MAN. ...this weekend is pretty packed for me. I have Sam's Office warming tmr after work, and gotta head to taka to pass Nikky my timesheet for work before that.
Sat ive got my first lesson with my china boy after work. Then I have Sam/s house warming at night. Quite sad that I cant go for BP's last gig at Blujaz.
Sunday, I am cantoring, and have Jared's concert right after mass. Looks like it's gonna be a damn busy weekend. :( Sighs.

Gosh... am beat. Night all.

Kalai called. Im relieved hes so eager and so committed tio to the gig already. Thats one less thing to worry about.

ciao. another boring day at work tmr.