...in her head again.......

Life has never been more real before.
I'm struggling to earn money, and going beyond my comfort level to do work.
I'm finding proper work now, and at the same time maintaining choir duties, jams and gigs. I have debts to pay, bills to pay, and my stomach to feed.
I'm still giving my kid tuition, and though it's just one kid, this kid is keeping me busy as it is already. Im still waiting for that cold hard $65 from his mother end of the moneth. It's never been harder earning this money. I'm so determined to teach him till I've been keeping him into consideration for my full time jobs even. Sighs. Responsibilities, man. I'm also working part time at Blujaz again. Earning $27 has never been more satisfying. That was for last night. And really, this is the only cash I have right now.
I have really little now, but I'm learning the reality of things.

I may have been a mess, but my eyes are awake again.
Once I've got a good job, (Coz its abt time to be serious, as im not young anymore esp since its been a year since graduation), I'm gonna ensure I'm financially stable; and savings is a must. Along with that, continue part time with blujaz, tuition, gig, and choir. This is really what I want to do with my life. These are the factors that will be my life. And then there will be a balance of social life.

I may have been a mess, but Im glad so far, that ive still managed to maintain things, except for the $ la.
I greatly appreciate your patience with me, Pat. Alot, alot. Thank you enormously. My Harri and Charles, I love you both so much and am extremely grateful for you both always being around constantly. Really, really, really.
Kor, i will show you that I can do this.
Everyone else, like Ana, Joyce, Lisa, Sam, Char and the rest, u guys and gald hanging ard, i cudnt ask for more.

I dont want to be a puppet anymore. What I mean by this is, I do not want to let others fix me anymore. No more waiting for outside factors to control me, or make me feel good or bad. Ive gotta achieve my goals. Maybe, then someone will come along when the time is right. Maybe then he will see.

Its really cold hard real life im leading, and theres no more time to waste. Ive wasted enuff time, ive ruined too many opportyuinities. I dont want to regret any longer.

I am praying very hard for strength to go on, so pleas be with me on this journey. Coz I dont want all this im saying to be nothing but words only.

"More than words, is all I have to do to make you see.."