...in her head again.......
Another sucky public holday. Today was worse than yesterday. I went to sleep, with many looming thoughts which caused my sleepless night. I woke up this morning and sat there and thought even more.
Im lost. The public holiday sucks as it is. i was reading 8 days and getting more and more annoyed that these celebs get to become deejays just like that! Well, of coz Im sure they'll have to work hard. Lilin's gonna have a preschool, then a deejay slot, then shooting and what nots along with taking care of her kids. WOW.
U noe so far I have only succeeded in singing well for gigs, after i didnt have work. Its true what Wei said. He admires and respects the awesome artists who have day jobs, coz really many of us now agree that its so draining and straining to have a day job and try to do music at the same time. Theres just not enuff energy. Looks like not all of us can do this.
Me? Now i realise that maybe I dont want to be in so many ministries in church. I just want to find work I'd enjoy and still have time to keep sane aka do other stuff. I insist on it, im sorry. December is coming. Choir is gonna have caroling practices and performances. I cant take up something tht will leave me with no time. I have a gig coming up as well.
Im very very confused, coz on one hand, i'll just say " ok, just leave my sundays out". On the other hand, I have much I want to do. How and where am i gonna find part time work thts gonna let me work mon-thurs? Fri and sats i keep for blujaz and jams. Nothing wrong with tht i suppose. At most, I'd work fridays. I dont mind working some nights.
I am frustrated coz I know whats required at different f&b companies. hah, mel can only do tht sorta work. great huh. Its NOT THAT I DONT WANT TO WORK. Ive been worrying so much abt this and money that my nightmares are all back. I dream abt everyone and everything.
What a dry low from the high i had over the weekend. Too perfect, too good.
Deep down, somewhere in you, i know im still there.
I digress. Harri and I were so pms-ing again today. We said we'd go out for dinner. She usually sugguests and i usually wait for her to decide. So from tht, it went to lets call the others out. then ok lets go vivo city instead. oh no, lets go watch movie. oh today too ex. lets do tht tmr. then suddenly lets stay home.
We've been like this more and more these days. Its frustrating. Not her fault. Mine too. I should just go out on my own. But i dont really know go where. There are places definitely.
I have to get down to finding music work. Something's brewing inside, and im very edgy. Somethings telling me im meant for bigger things.
oh gosh. i cant begin to tell u how very stressed i am.
Another sucky public holday. Today was worse than yesterday. I went to sleep, with many looming thoughts which caused my sleepless night. I woke up this morning and sat there and thought even more.
Im lost. The public holiday sucks as it is. i was reading 8 days and getting more and more annoyed that these celebs get to become deejays just like that! Well, of coz Im sure they'll have to work hard. Lilin's gonna have a preschool, then a deejay slot, then shooting and what nots along with taking care of her kids. WOW.
U noe so far I have only succeeded in singing well for gigs, after i didnt have work. Its true what Wei said. He admires and respects the awesome artists who have day jobs, coz really many of us now agree that its so draining and straining to have a day job and try to do music at the same time. Theres just not enuff energy. Looks like not all of us can do this.
Me? Now i realise that maybe I dont want to be in so many ministries in church. I just want to find work I'd enjoy and still have time to keep sane aka do other stuff. I insist on it, im sorry. December is coming. Choir is gonna have caroling practices and performances. I cant take up something tht will leave me with no time. I have a gig coming up as well.
Im very very confused, coz on one hand, i'll just say " ok, just leave my sundays out". On the other hand, I have much I want to do. How and where am i gonna find part time work thts gonna let me work mon-thurs? Fri and sats i keep for blujaz and jams. Nothing wrong with tht i suppose. At most, I'd work fridays. I dont mind working some nights.
I am frustrated coz I know whats required at different f&b companies. hah, mel can only do tht sorta work. great huh. Its NOT THAT I DONT WANT TO WORK. Ive been worrying so much abt this and money that my nightmares are all back. I dream abt everyone and everything.
What a dry low from the high i had over the weekend. Too perfect, too good.
Deep down, somewhere in you, i know im still there.
I digress. Harri and I were so pms-ing again today. We said we'd go out for dinner. She usually sugguests and i usually wait for her to decide. So from tht, it went to lets call the others out. then ok lets go vivo city instead. oh no, lets go watch movie. oh today too ex. lets do tht tmr. then suddenly lets stay home.
We've been like this more and more these days. Its frustrating. Not her fault. Mine too. I should just go out on my own. But i dont really know go where. There are places definitely.
I have to get down to finding music work. Something's brewing inside, and im very edgy. Somethings telling me im meant for bigger things.
oh gosh. i cant begin to tell u how very stressed i am.
posted by melissa at 10/24/2006 05:59:00 PM
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