Well, I guess one thing is off my mind though im still as broke. But good to noe im starting work again.
NEVER SAY DIE.
hahaha.
Anyway.... went to send lerp off at the airport with d rest earlier today. It was just an excuse to meet up i guess. He and pat went on the same flight. Sighs. Melbourne... I really really want a holiday. Seems like ive been saying tht forever eh? All these lucky people...and lucky students... but then again, I guess no pain no gain.. for me its gonna be doubly hard? By dec i wud have half a K to pay for rent... great... and i still owe some money... so besides tht i need abt another 650 a month to get by... singapore is expensive huh. I dont even spend on other things.. those are the calculated necessities. Also I will be saving for a possible overseas trip, my laptop, other stuff I need to get, and all... seems almost impossible sometimes.
But I guess tht working like a dog is the only way for me. Other people ahve uni sponsored. U noe how envious i am? But I noe after so much tht has happened tht at d end of the day I have no one else to blame except myself. But its really really difficult, accepting the fact that all this has happened and tht im even more less normal than others.
I doubt I can ever afford Berklee. I wud like to just go for their summer school but even that seems laughable. Im very sad inside, really.
No one wud ever really understand how any of this feels. But wait, stop, im not asking for yr pity, but just understand tht Im different. And tht affects many of my decisions or things I say.
Haha, anyway, guess my dieting hasnt been going accordingly lately. I have been eating too much meat and cheese and extra snacks and chocs HAHA. I was suppose to resist. And after the aches I felt those few days, the exercise stopped too. I guess I'll just try my darnest to eat less and eat proper food (lol what proper food anyway looking at how i have nothing here.. )...sorry.
MM..if its possible I'd be as skinny as joyce now. I like the way she looks. Or lerp for tht matter.. wow hes lost weight significantly.
Anyway.. are u one of those girls.. who holds onto her handphone all night, hoping he'd call? Why dont u try NOT doing tht? I have learnt to let go, totally.. not bothering or rather taking it as such : hes not gonna call, hes not gonna msg... hes got his own things to do which is prob true and hes really not interested anymore.. i tell u it works... and u dont get so disappointed.. u'd just go " whats new? "
But of coz.. its not like I dont understand...
all of us noe what its like leaving at d end of a nite out with friends, walking home or gg home alone.. and having to handle one of those really awful feelings of emptiness and loneliness...
Ive linked justicia's YORK PHOTOS... makes me feel even worse ... but im happy tht she puts up photos so tht we can all see what shes enjoying there... i love the weather there, i can feel it in the photos she takes.. i love the colours of the leaves... i love the beautiful scenic places they have there.... I REALLY want to go away... if i had money now, enuff for me to survive and go for a holiday, i wud run like the wind and be somewhere else. I hate this place.
but as much as i speak of melbourne and soon sydney, in 2008, the minute i think of everyone here and my commitments... i find it hard to let go. Yet I think when the time finally does come, i wud just go. Coz I noe like Jus I wont regret it at all.
nite.
4 6477 968
NEVER SAY DIE.
hahaha.
Anyway.... went to send lerp off at the airport with d rest earlier today. It was just an excuse to meet up i guess. He and pat went on the same flight. Sighs. Melbourne... I really really want a holiday. Seems like ive been saying tht forever eh? All these lucky people...and lucky students... but then again, I guess no pain no gain.. for me its gonna be doubly hard? By dec i wud have half a K to pay for rent... great... and i still owe some money... so besides tht i need abt another 650 a month to get by... singapore is expensive huh. I dont even spend on other things.. those are the calculated necessities. Also I will be saving for a possible overseas trip, my laptop, other stuff I need to get, and all... seems almost impossible sometimes.
But I guess tht working like a dog is the only way for me. Other people ahve uni sponsored. U noe how envious i am? But I noe after so much tht has happened tht at d end of the day I have no one else to blame except myself. But its really really difficult, accepting the fact that all this has happened and tht im even more less normal than others.
I doubt I can ever afford Berklee. I wud like to just go for their summer school but even that seems laughable. Im very sad inside, really.
No one wud ever really understand how any of this feels. But wait, stop, im not asking for yr pity, but just understand tht Im different. And tht affects many of my decisions or things I say.
Haha, anyway, guess my dieting hasnt been going accordingly lately. I have been eating too much meat and cheese and extra snacks and chocs HAHA. I was suppose to resist. And after the aches I felt those few days, the exercise stopped too. I guess I'll just try my darnest to eat less and eat proper food (lol what proper food anyway looking at how i have nothing here.. )...sorry.
MM..if its possible I'd be as skinny as joyce now. I like the way she looks. Or lerp for tht matter.. wow hes lost weight significantly.
Anyway.. are u one of those girls.. who holds onto her handphone all night, hoping he'd call? Why dont u try NOT doing tht? I have learnt to let go, totally.. not bothering or rather taking it as such : hes not gonna call, hes not gonna msg... hes got his own things to do which is prob true and hes really not interested anymore.. i tell u it works... and u dont get so disappointed.. u'd just go " whats new? "
But of coz.. its not like I dont understand...
all of us noe what its like leaving at d end of a nite out with friends, walking home or gg home alone.. and having to handle one of those really awful feelings of emptiness and loneliness...
Ive linked justicia's YORK PHOTOS... makes me feel even worse ... but im happy tht she puts up photos so tht we can all see what shes enjoying there... i love the weather there, i can feel it in the photos she takes.. i love the colours of the leaves... i love the beautiful scenic places they have there.... I REALLY want to go away... if i had money now, enuff for me to survive and go for a holiday, i wud run like the wind and be somewhere else. I hate this place.
but as much as i speak of melbourne and soon sydney, in 2008, the minute i think of everyone here and my commitments... i find it hard to let go. Yet I think when the time finally does come, i wud just go. Coz I noe like Jus I wont regret it at all.
nite.
4 6477 968
posted by melissa at 11/17/2006 02:55:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home