...in her head again.......
Wow. So much happened today. In the span of 7 hrs, church people caused me to cry and church people caused me to laugh. isnt it ironic.
Ive never realised how committed I am to cd choir till today. And jessy's leaving to me, is my failing as a soprano leader. But I guess wads done is done. I can blame myself and she'll still leave. Maybe then she isnt all tht committed and tht loving towards the choir, coz if she is, she wud stay despite the typhoons and small pricks tht the choir goes through.
Im disappointed, Im hurt. I may be young, but that doesnt mean I dont know what im saying esp with regards to ministry work. True tht I am still very emotionally driven with things, but I really hate it when people cut me off, esp people who are supposed to be older. Dont think tht young people talk rubbish. Some young people are wiser. But im not saying this to say something spiteful; coz for the first time ever, i didnt cry in church becoz of some personal prob im facing. I felt toally distraught with her sudden decision to leave, and her excuses of other roles she plays, which all of us have. Shes always been one of the members who came whenever she cud, and I understood. Many of them are like tht too, and so have i ever blamed them? NO. I felt my efforts to try and talk to her was like a big joke to her and thts rude. I saw a side of her that was aloof, and tht was rather shocking.
I guess its too late now. If she feels tht shes not strong enuff for ministry, then I guess none of us are. the all of us shud just WALK OUT right? is tht how we treat God? We leave him, becoz he has wounds and we cant help him and we feel we're not fit enuff? He never made us to be perfect. he never made us to serve him perfectly. I cant accept her excuses, coz I know theres more to it. I believe there are major misconceptions coz she has been fed with misconceptions, and I am extremely displeased abt tht. get the person out pls, if the person wants to destroy the nest i am trying to protect here. I am hurt. Very hurt. Very disappointed, and I feel Ive failed at the one thing Im trying to do best.
I feel very shaken by this becoz it just goes to show, how easy it is for someone to walk out on another person. We're here to help each other make things possible for the ministry. 5 yrs, so many things have happened. do any of u even understand??
We are all gg thru very difficult times. Each and every one of us carry crosses so heavy we wish we cud throw them off. But even then members try to stay, and try their best to come when possible. Some even come as little as one month out of 12, coz they study overseas, or some hols jobs tht take up the weekend. Jessy, I know ure giving me excuses, and becoz of that, beocz u werent willing to hear me out, and to hear yrself out, then ok, go find yr other CALLINGS.
im sorry tht u felt attacked today, but it wasnt meant for u and u knew tht.
Wow. So much happened today. In the span of 7 hrs, church people caused me to cry and church people caused me to laugh. isnt it ironic.
Ive never realised how committed I am to cd choir till today. And jessy's leaving to me, is my failing as a soprano leader. But I guess wads done is done. I can blame myself and she'll still leave. Maybe then she isnt all tht committed and tht loving towards the choir, coz if she is, she wud stay despite the typhoons and small pricks tht the choir goes through.
Im disappointed, Im hurt. I may be young, but that doesnt mean I dont know what im saying esp with regards to ministry work. True tht I am still very emotionally driven with things, but I really hate it when people cut me off, esp people who are supposed to be older. Dont think tht young people talk rubbish. Some young people are wiser. But im not saying this to say something spiteful; coz for the first time ever, i didnt cry in church becoz of some personal prob im facing. I felt toally distraught with her sudden decision to leave, and her excuses of other roles she plays, which all of us have. Shes always been one of the members who came whenever she cud, and I understood. Many of them are like tht too, and so have i ever blamed them? NO. I felt my efforts to try and talk to her was like a big joke to her and thts rude. I saw a side of her that was aloof, and tht was rather shocking.
I guess its too late now. If she feels tht shes not strong enuff for ministry, then I guess none of us are. the all of us shud just WALK OUT right? is tht how we treat God? We leave him, becoz he has wounds and we cant help him and we feel we're not fit enuff? He never made us to be perfect. he never made us to serve him perfectly. I cant accept her excuses, coz I know theres more to it. I believe there are major misconceptions coz she has been fed with misconceptions, and I am extremely displeased abt tht. get the person out pls, if the person wants to destroy the nest i am trying to protect here. I am hurt. Very hurt. Very disappointed, and I feel Ive failed at the one thing Im trying to do best.
I feel very shaken by this becoz it just goes to show, how easy it is for someone to walk out on another person. We're here to help each other make things possible for the ministry. 5 yrs, so many things have happened. do any of u even understand??
We are all gg thru very difficult times. Each and every one of us carry crosses so heavy we wish we cud throw them off. But even then members try to stay, and try their best to come when possible. Some even come as little as one month out of 12, coz they study overseas, or some hols jobs tht take up the weekend. Jessy, I know ure giving me excuses, and becoz of that, beocz u werent willing to hear me out, and to hear yrself out, then ok, go find yr other CALLINGS.
im sorry tht u felt attacked today, but it wasnt meant for u and u knew tht.
posted by melissa at 11/13/2006 01:17:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home