...in her head again.......
Tried to sleep earlier last night(morning) like 3am, and i just cudnt sleep. Woke up, had some biscuits coz i got too hungry, and then tried to force some sleep to no avail. Woke up again and played guitar till 5ish? I only remember falling asleep when the sky was brighter. Woke at 11, then at 1, thanks to camile's phone call. : ) Yay.
While I laid awake trying to sleep, my mind started to wander and it backtracked to the week we broke up, so called, well I guess still is sort of.
MM, I remember a week after it happened, I went to his old place to look for him. it was a Sunday evening, and I was in church praying fcor fifteen mins, trying to calm myself down, before mass started. I cudnt stay put, and went off to look for him. I remember that drama-like two hrs or so. He was asleep, so I waited. When he woke, he was, like back then, always anxious when he saw me sresting on the floor instead of the bed. He wud pick me up, and ask me to rest on the bed instead. He did the same, except tht we were on different ends of the bed. I remember that that felt very awkward for both of us.
I sat there in a corner, on the verge of bursting out. After a gd half hr, he got up and went to use the restroom. I gave up, and decided to take off. He came out, just int ime to stop me, and asked, "Where are u going?" "I've gotta go" I replied. I was really about to walk out, czo I felt so helpless. But just then, he took me into his arms and hugged me. Slowly I started crying, I felt released, I felt like it was all over, and that I was safe again... esp after the torment I went thru a few days before that. I was staying with Aunty Pauline at that time. I was a wreck at that moment. He said to me " Dear, I will try my best again..Im sorry " . And we just stayed put like tht for the longest time ever. I think we'd never kept so close for that long...
But after the drama was over, we talked, and he had to go off to camp. In the cab he held my hand, and said " i think i'd like to be single for a while first. is tht ok?".....
the end.
After this recalled memory, i put myself to sleep.
That was the last that I felt his real love...but I cant just think abt it now and feel all down.. coz so many things have happened.. we're different now.. and i have to accept that... of coz pthe past will always haunt us...the memories will always yield in us a yearning for what we'd lost. Like how my name and my photos used to be a part of his online stuffs and whatnots... or how he used to have a million of my photos in his phone and i knew what it felt to at least be half loved...
This is just a re-telling of an old story...its not meant to serve any other purpose.
Tried to sleep earlier last night(morning) like 3am, and i just cudnt sleep. Woke up, had some biscuits coz i got too hungry, and then tried to force some sleep to no avail. Woke up again and played guitar till 5ish? I only remember falling asleep when the sky was brighter. Woke at 11, then at 1, thanks to camile's phone call. : ) Yay.
While I laid awake trying to sleep, my mind started to wander and it backtracked to the week we broke up, so called, well I guess still is sort of.
MM, I remember a week after it happened, I went to his old place to look for him. it was a Sunday evening, and I was in church praying fcor fifteen mins, trying to calm myself down, before mass started. I cudnt stay put, and went off to look for him. I remember that drama-like two hrs or so. He was asleep, so I waited. When he woke, he was, like back then, always anxious when he saw me sresting on the floor instead of the bed. He wud pick me up, and ask me to rest on the bed instead. He did the same, except tht we were on different ends of the bed. I remember that that felt very awkward for both of us.
I sat there in a corner, on the verge of bursting out. After a gd half hr, he got up and went to use the restroom. I gave up, and decided to take off. He came out, just int ime to stop me, and asked, "Where are u going?" "I've gotta go" I replied. I was really about to walk out, czo I felt so helpless. But just then, he took me into his arms and hugged me. Slowly I started crying, I felt released, I felt like it was all over, and that I was safe again... esp after the torment I went thru a few days before that. I was staying with Aunty Pauline at that time. I was a wreck at that moment. He said to me " Dear, I will try my best again..Im sorry " . And we just stayed put like tht for the longest time ever. I think we'd never kept so close for that long...
But after the drama was over, we talked, and he had to go off to camp. In the cab he held my hand, and said " i think i'd like to be single for a while first. is tht ok?".....
the end.
After this recalled memory, i put myself to sleep.
That was the last that I felt his real love...but I cant just think abt it now and feel all down.. coz so many things have happened.. we're different now.. and i have to accept that... of coz pthe past will always haunt us...the memories will always yield in us a yearning for what we'd lost. Like how my name and my photos used to be a part of his online stuffs and whatnots... or how he used to have a million of my photos in his phone and i knew what it felt to at least be half loved...
This is just a re-telling of an old story...its not meant to serve any other purpose.
posted by melissa at 11/07/2006 05:00:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home