and she dreams again...



Being down with flu, and it causing me to be unable to sing has made me pretty upset. This is how my hols has started. I couldn't breathe well today during choir and mass. Dad was commisioned with new communion ministers again today. So happy. Godpa and Godma are also our church's pretty impt people...esp with the current things happening in the dialesis. The things happening in Singapore have added to the not so happening mood.

I'm feeling down, and i found out my pen-pal, one of my closest friends, who is with me in choir now, her father is suffering from motor neuron disease since last year. he can't walk now, and she even has accepted the fact that he'll be leaving her in a few years time. yet she's so strong. Se prayed to god everytime she had difficulties. She was the first in her family to become catholic a few yrs back when we were in sec four. Since then, her family members all became catholics one after the other. She has matured so much. I can witness the drastic difference in her character now and before when we werein primary school. It's really a 360 degree change. She used to be spolit brat attitude, gang leader kind of "feng du", hot tempered and unreasonable. In secondary, she cnaged and now, she is sweet, holy, has her own style, quiet, and matured. I'm rpoud of her, and she's really strong. I'll wanan be there for her always.

I ...I'm so stupid. I waited one whole week to see my bay, but i didn't even get a chance to talk to him at all. Both of us are ill, and tired today. But i could only sit there in my sopranos section, and watch my bro chatting with him, or anyoen else for that matter. I couldn't hang ard before mass coz my nose was killing me, and had to rush off for RCIA after mass. Plus, I nearly sprained my ankle walking down the stairs. Too distracted. I know it sounds so pathethic, but I can't overdo trying to tok to him and all, coz i'm afraid of what he might think, so i wait till sunday...and every week, it's like that...I look my best , even if i'm sick...and all i want is just to talk to him for a short while...but i can't. I just can't. I feel dumb, and i feel hurt. hurt i cause upon myself. WAIT. that's all i can do. Nick knew i was upset abt it since i was so quiet during dinner. Well, also coz i am pretty tired today.

I'm finally going out this week. meeting sis on wed, and mel on thurs...the rest of the days i don't know. Stay home again. I want to meet up with james, but i find it awkward to meet alone with him. i don't want. bright seems busy...haiz...Xiao Wen just told me she's starting work...she's so yper abt it, i'm happy for her!

I'm waiting for sas to get back to me. I so need a job to keep me busy and earn money. I can't stand being at home 24/7. I love home, but no...not all the time...