and she dreams again...

me, now-

Maybe I just cry too much. I have to be stronger if i realli wana fight the cold world myself. I shouldn't be relying on people anymore, maybe not even my own loved ones. I should pull myself together and start working my way to surviving on my own. There's no one else for me except myself (besides God himself of coz).

I realise i have had three jobs in the last three months. Cartel, Jiang education, and now telemarketing for DBS. And where do I find myself headed to? DBS itself! hehehe. I never thought so, but I'd be landing the same job as samanantha and carol. Thanks loads sammie kor! :) I know the job is gonna be tough, but at least i'll get stable pay, which is crucial for me now, and still will be. The telemarketing job has no future, seriously. Not much job satisfaction too.

Pray I get it, please? :)

I was extremely exhausted today. Not only was it the second day of my period, it was made worse by a pathethic three slaes today. I couldn't get more. Every call I made was rejected from lunch time till i knocked off. =(

I miss deaer loads, loads, loads. We find ourselves missing each other very much these days.

Dad and mum haven't replied. I checked mail secretly at work today, after i became too sick of calling leads. Then I checked again when i got back. Still nothing. i dont know what to do. It's up to them already. I can only pray and hope, and maybe BEG?? I noe i took them for granted, and was bad and all. I still remember who has brought me up. I mentioned it many times before. i am grateful. I haven't forgotten.

But there's time, so i'll wait and see. I wana go home, even if it means sacrificing things...coz home is the best place to be. I noe dear and I might face problems again with dad and mum...but it's inevitable isn't it. I just realli hope we will have a decent amount of time to spend together. Imagine if i work sats, if im expected to help at home, and sundays are almost gone, how much time would I have left wif him? It's gotta be fair, still rite? After all, i'd be slaving away for money 6 days a week. I should be able to spend a decent one and a half days with my darling? TRhat's the only thing...if I were out on my own, we would ahve an overnite to spend and wake the next morning and have breakfact together..till church time. BUT NVM. I just hope i can go home. haiz.

Coz, as I made my way home from work today, I realised even more now, how "cold" and "sharp" the world can be. work life is a bitch, totally. it takes ALL yr fucking time away, seriously. Just for wad? the fucking $ sign, to survive. fuck tht. But then I also realised, if one semester of my poly costs dad at least 1000, it's like 1/5 at least of his monthly pay. And everything else that he pays or has paid for. Instantly i felt like crap. it's not that i didn't realise all this any earlier. I did. That's why i didn't ana go Uni (well, just one of the reasons). BUT, I know now, being a grown up, how difficult it is to earn money. "grown up" in the sense of having to lead an adult's life...

Just for a day, i wana be a student again. Slack, get allowance, and really heck care. Now, i gotta wake up, and face it all. How do I say this...Emm...I felt sorry while I was on the way home, as i realised I had been very immature with my parents. But, all at once, i also felt that I need to fight for myself now. if i can't go home, I'd have to find an option then; be it in september when dear moves, or once I get a job proper, proper, and can pay for rent.

life is such. What can we do anyway.

Gd nite, world. it's getting ready for another boring day. But dear's driving test is tmr!! :) Gd nite my love. gd nite too