------------
I went for the wake tonight, together with Harri+ Simon and Jun+her bf. Initially the spirits were low, and I felt it,too.. coz his bro was in tears and his mum too. Of coz I was also not feeling so great, coz I still cant believe tht the uncle I used to talk to, was now lying there.
Harri got tired of waiting for jw to come back so she left first hahaha. Actually she had work and he was late to come back! But the weird thing is, when he came back together with jasmine (his fellow sec schl duo vox friend who btw is pretty good), he was all hyper and happy!. I found it a bit strange at first, and thought tht it was just his way of dealing with this whole thing (well im sure it is partially), but I found out tht Leonard the man mixed Blackpepper's CD realllllllllly damn fucking well! They sound pro, totally, and everyone whoose heard it agrees. They can record live and sound so good. Leonard says so. Lerping says so. I listened, and already live I was blown away. Their recording can sell!
Tonight was the first proper night I got to know Jasmine too. Ive heard him speak off her many many times.. and now meeting the gurl herself.... Shes a hyper, jovial, hyper (yes again), whacky sweet thing of 20 this yr, in NUS, doing finanacial maths or smth like tht! Gosh, her jazz tone is lovely. Jw always knows which gurls and which vocalists to choose.
I like meeting his gurl friends. My whole guard gets thrown off, and I see them for who they really are.And not jump on tht usual conclusion or paranoia.
It made me reflect abit and finally I realised what it is abt me that has changed.
I have lost tht natural hyperness. I am no longer cute cute, and bubbly yay yay... and not just tht. I guess tht is harmless. Somehow, Ive become so jaded, that I just cant react and behave the way jasmine does anymore. Ive become so negative. Ive become so self occupied. Ive lost tht factor tht he loved in me initially.
Tonight, Jasmine and his happy mood really changed the atmos ard. And though sad is sad,its true,that im sure Uncle wud wan us all to smile and be happy too. Aunty was still teary eyed at the end of the night, but she allowed him to play guit coz Uncle wudnt mind. I think to think off it that way, actually isnt wrong too. Aunty is really gg thru alot.
Jw was happy tonight. Really. At least to a certain extent. And I am comforted to noe tht. tht is all tht matters now. Im sure it wud have affected me if he was moody and all. Whatever he feels i feel double...and it was great to see him smile so much again. Jas, thanks gurl, for cheering up his day today. :)I noe what he is gg thru... dep down.. but anything now that can make him smile, or anyone for tht matter, pls do so.. coz I only bring sadness and a natural low to him. So I cant be the one there, even though I care (that rhymes).
I realised everytime a bf and I break up, the positive one ends up being him and i take the other side, when initially, we start off on the opp roles.
Pardon me, im sleepy and just trying to get my thoughts out here.
I wrote thru the work day as usual,so heres the rest of my entries:
------------
*deep breath*. Ive FINALLY finished my work for today. my brain is stale as cuttle fish when its turned bad...
I think Im gonna write a new song soon... but gonna complete the fifth one first... dnt wana be doing things half way....
anyway, gg to jw's later.. wait a min i just said tht earlier argh... yea meeting harri and jun after tuition then gg with them.....
ya i dont know what to say liao....tata
------------
hello me... i think ure going a bit crazy now...ure tired, ure hearing all these people toking abt things u do not understand and all u dohere, is staple, unstaple, sort, match and print documents... are u doing olrite, me??? HELLO? hahahaa.. omg.. im gg insane.... i so wana just sleep rite now... i always wana sleep when its not time to sl;eep.... and always wana stay up when its time to sleep.... hahahahahaha God cant even help u with tht babe... LALAL.. oh wait did i say babe??? nono ure more like pig than pretty... look at u getting fat these days... what do u miss? ohh yea, i hear u..... okays me.. hug hug love love... be good take care.. just abt forty mins to go before u zi[ off to see yr china kid... maybe u shud decide tonite if u wana continue taking him eh? but wudnt it be too sooN: hahaha... omg... hahaha i remember jermaine telling u last nite abt her boynow.. ahaha shes like inc loud 99 hahaha but he seems nice to her... hope it works out for the best.... ahahaha....melmelmel...
-----------
things are getting quite sickening yet quite funny here.
Im currently doing more sorting and stuff in d office, and i have to print these invoices tht must be done ONE AT A TIME. and the printer is abt a metre away. So ive been walking up and down abt 52 times already at least. And not counting the times tht the office printer jammed on us... i ahte what im doing...... =s
-----------
I can't stop thinking of how awful it is, to lose one's father at such an age.
Whatever the family dynamics are, sadness is definite.
How fast he will get over it is another thing.
Maybe i feel sadder but in a different way. I feel sad for him, and I feel sad for various other reasons.
But I remember watching as they put the white cloth over uncle's head, and wrapping his body with another cloth..then moving him or his body to the white vehicle, with an orange stretcher. His body was carried like feather weight. He was really skin and bones. it looked like they were carrying a ........
Witnessing this kind of scene, changes one to a definite extent. And he
isn't even my father. He feeels to me like a relative, someone I called uncle, but in my heart started to love more than just a neighbour or friend's father.
I do not know if it is inappropriate to talk of these things so openly,
and I hope it isn't disrespectful to my love, or our friends who might be reading this, but the way it has affected me, keeps me thinking of the events of yesterday, and especially the moment that weiwei was on the verge of tears.
For some time, I wondered what wud happen if this day came.
And to see him so sad, broke my heart.
I think that is what hurt the most.
But I also feel for Jm, him being the eldest of the family, and having been with their parents the longest.
But again, like I mentioned yesterday...Aunty has it the worst. God be with her...
-------
I really find this job sian until... very uncomfortable... though its brain dead work, all the terms i hear everyday are totally off my tangent. I feel like im in foreign land tht listens to no music. And whats the slogan i believe in? "Life without music is a mistake". I wonder how long more I can last here, though technically I dont have a choice, unless I somehow talk my way out..... of coz thts if i have back up. Its miserable, when u feel like ure wasting yr time away, doing nonsense.
And im damn sleepy. 830am, we start work here. Peopl are in here before that. Thats crazy.
But theres ONE thing I enjoy..which is the lunch hour. The people here are all quite 'siao' , and tned to let lose during lunch hour. We ordered in pizza today, which was quite funny. But besides that, work time is so so tterribly....mentally torturing. I still miss gramophone and blujaz work. Both of which I need to sacrifice all my evenings. :(
Gotta go teach my china kid later. Im really not up to it today. I feel like throwing everything away. the job, the tuition... just fo uncomfortable with it all.
God, please show me some light .
The seventeen mag photographer came down to my office during lunch. Hes actually from the first bactch of FSV. Name is Wei Te. HOW KEWL. gosh.... wow.
Finally got the photos taken. With all the limitations and restrictions of coz.... -_-.
I feel a tad better emotionally, after lunch... am a bit busy now.. so i shall go. see ya.
Dont know if im still gg for the wake later..
I went for the wake tonight, together with Harri+ Simon and Jun+her bf. Initially the spirits were low, and I felt it,too.. coz his bro was in tears and his mum too. Of coz I was also not feeling so great, coz I still cant believe tht the uncle I used to talk to, was now lying there.
Harri got tired of waiting for jw to come back so she left first hahaha. Actually she had work and he was late to come back! But the weird thing is, when he came back together with jasmine (his fellow sec schl duo vox friend who btw is pretty good), he was all hyper and happy!. I found it a bit strange at first, and thought tht it was just his way of dealing with this whole thing (well im sure it is partially), but I found out tht Leonard the man mixed Blackpepper's CD realllllllllly damn fucking well! They sound pro, totally, and everyone whoose heard it agrees. They can record live and sound so good. Leonard says so. Lerping says so. I listened, and already live I was blown away. Their recording can sell!
Tonight was the first proper night I got to know Jasmine too. Ive heard him speak off her many many times.. and now meeting the gurl herself.... Shes a hyper, jovial, hyper (yes again), whacky sweet thing of 20 this yr, in NUS, doing finanacial maths or smth like tht! Gosh, her jazz tone is lovely. Jw always knows which gurls and which vocalists to choose.
I like meeting his gurl friends. My whole guard gets thrown off, and I see them for who they really are.And not jump on tht usual conclusion or paranoia.
It made me reflect abit and finally I realised what it is abt me that has changed.
I have lost tht natural hyperness. I am no longer cute cute, and bubbly yay yay... and not just tht. I guess tht is harmless. Somehow, Ive become so jaded, that I just cant react and behave the way jasmine does anymore. Ive become so negative. Ive become so self occupied. Ive lost tht factor tht he loved in me initially.
Tonight, Jasmine and his happy mood really changed the atmos ard. And though sad is sad,its true,that im sure Uncle wud wan us all to smile and be happy too. Aunty was still teary eyed at the end of the night, but she allowed him to play guit coz Uncle wudnt mind. I think to think off it that way, actually isnt wrong too. Aunty is really gg thru alot.
Jw was happy tonight. Really. At least to a certain extent. And I am comforted to noe tht. tht is all tht matters now. Im sure it wud have affected me if he was moody and all. Whatever he feels i feel double...and it was great to see him smile so much again. Jas, thanks gurl, for cheering up his day today. :)I noe what he is gg thru... dep down.. but anything now that can make him smile, or anyone for tht matter, pls do so.. coz I only bring sadness and a natural low to him. So I cant be the one there, even though I care (that rhymes).
I realised everytime a bf and I break up, the positive one ends up being him and i take the other side, when initially, we start off on the opp roles.
Pardon me, im sleepy and just trying to get my thoughts out here.
I wrote thru the work day as usual,so heres the rest of my entries:
------------
*deep breath*. Ive FINALLY finished my work for today. my brain is stale as cuttle fish when its turned bad...
I think Im gonna write a new song soon... but gonna complete the fifth one first... dnt wana be doing things half way....
anyway, gg to jw's later.. wait a min i just said tht earlier argh... yea meeting harri and jun after tuition then gg with them.....
ya i dont know what to say liao....tata
------------
hello me... i think ure going a bit crazy now...ure tired, ure hearing all these people toking abt things u do not understand and all u dohere, is staple, unstaple, sort, match and print documents... are u doing olrite, me??? HELLO? hahahaa.. omg.. im gg insane.... i so wana just sleep rite now... i always wana sleep when its not time to sl;eep.... and always wana stay up when its time to sleep.... hahahahahaha God cant even help u with tht babe... LALAL.. oh wait did i say babe??? nono ure more like pig than pretty... look at u getting fat these days... what do u miss? ohh yea, i hear u..... okays me.. hug hug love love... be good take care.. just abt forty mins to go before u zi[ off to see yr china kid... maybe u shud decide tonite if u wana continue taking him eh? but wudnt it be too sooN: hahaha... omg... hahaha i remember jermaine telling u last nite abt her boynow.. ahaha shes like inc loud 99 hahaha but he seems nice to her... hope it works out for the best.... ahahaha....melmelmel...
-----------
things are getting quite sickening yet quite funny here.
Im currently doing more sorting and stuff in d office, and i have to print these invoices tht must be done ONE AT A TIME. and the printer is abt a metre away. So ive been walking up and down abt 52 times already at least. And not counting the times tht the office printer jammed on us... i ahte what im doing...... =s
-----------
I can't stop thinking of how awful it is, to lose one's father at such an age.
Whatever the family dynamics are, sadness is definite.
How fast he will get over it is another thing.
Maybe i feel sadder but in a different way. I feel sad for him, and I feel sad for various other reasons.
But I remember watching as they put the white cloth over uncle's head, and wrapping his body with another cloth..then moving him or his body to the white vehicle, with an orange stretcher. His body was carried like feather weight. He was really skin and bones. it looked like they were carrying a ........
Witnessing this kind of scene, changes one to a definite extent. And he
isn't even my father. He feeels to me like a relative, someone I called uncle, but in my heart started to love more than just a neighbour or friend's father.
I do not know if it is inappropriate to talk of these things so openly,
and I hope it isn't disrespectful to my love, or our friends who might be reading this, but the way it has affected me, keeps me thinking of the events of yesterday, and especially the moment that weiwei was on the verge of tears.
For some time, I wondered what wud happen if this day came.
And to see him so sad, broke my heart.
I think that is what hurt the most.
But I also feel for Jm, him being the eldest of the family, and having been with their parents the longest.
But again, like I mentioned yesterday...Aunty has it the worst. God be with her...
-------
I really find this job sian until... very uncomfortable... though its brain dead work, all the terms i hear everyday are totally off my tangent. I feel like im in foreign land tht listens to no music. And whats the slogan i believe in? "Life without music is a mistake". I wonder how long more I can last here, though technically I dont have a choice, unless I somehow talk my way out..... of coz thts if i have back up. Its miserable, when u feel like ure wasting yr time away, doing nonsense.
And im damn sleepy. 830am, we start work here. Peopl are in here before that. Thats crazy.
But theres ONE thing I enjoy..which is the lunch hour. The people here are all quite 'siao' , and tned to let lose during lunch hour. We ordered in pizza today, which was quite funny. But besides that, work time is so so tterribly....mentally torturing. I still miss gramophone and blujaz work. Both of which I need to sacrifice all my evenings. :(
Gotta go teach my china kid later. Im really not up to it today. I feel like throwing everything away. the job, the tuition... just fo uncomfortable with it all.
God, please show me some light .
The seventeen mag photographer came down to my office during lunch. Hes actually from the first bactch of FSV. Name is Wei Te. HOW KEWL. gosh.... wow.
Finally got the photos taken. With all the limitations and restrictions of coz.... -_-.
I feel a tad better emotionally, after lunch... am a bit busy now.. so i shall go. see ya.
Dont know if im still gg for the wake later..
posted by melissa at 8/31/2006 02:32:00 AM
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