...in her head again.......

-Realisations of the day-

Today, must have been planned by my Lord upstairs, for things to happen and stuff.

Certain things (calls and conversations) transpired in the last two hours, with just abt all the people that mattered to me in terms of friendship, love and my impending music (gigs).

I had sms, call, and online conversations with Charles earlier, and we talked about alot of things.
I spoke with Jw. And certain apologies needed to be said.
I spoke with Kalai, off some history in order for him to know how to play the game for our upcoming gig.
I spoke with Pat, and I think there's gonna be a serious conversation soon.

The matters that were touched on were serious, and have adverse effects on how im gonna go about my life with the people or with my passion from here on.
Perhaps, even worse things will happen. This I mean, maybe I might have a change of environment even.

I need to write an email and conclude smth thats been rather messy.

All of us, are having it really hard now.
That's what life swirls at us doesnt it.

The most impt fact is that its really hit me today, that Ive been too self absorbed. Ive been far too emotional, Ive been juggling what I cant handle emotionally, and that becoz of the pathetic way Ive been, I think ive caused myself, to irritate or displease or be avoided. Simply becoz I tire people ard me.

We, (you and I), really should have an honest conversation. I think there's alot you're not saying and there's alot we should sort out.I mean this, with the best intentions. Becoz Ive not been listening.

I don't know when this started to happen, but perhaps, Ive stopped listening to people around me. people who really need it, like you.

Jw's dad...is not doing well. Simon's dad is in the exact situation...Mel's dad is facing a pretty similar situation and I hope for Charles and his family, that his mum will continue to be alright... and Cikgu Rathia just passed away. I read that Corrinne May's Granded just passed away as well. That upset me.

I dont know how to feel anymore.
Im sorry, I need some time.

What have I become?
Why have I detriorated to this?

I looked at Jw's dad that day, someone I thought I was gonna call family one day, honest, (well that thought was somewhere lingering) and I really felt sadness in my heart. It's not like I don't know him...and I cared for him pretty much. Lord, atch over him please.

Harri, thanks for tonight.
Everyone, I'm sorry for imposing, I'm sorry for being who I am recently.