Im back !!!!
Here's the entries for the last few days! :) And my creative player just died. I am so very upset. EXTREMELY.
Anyway, some new photos too :)
haiz... my player..... :( Charles wud u lend me yours please? Wud like to take yr songs again.... argh.
6th Sept
[morning]
I felt terrible before sleep last night, and lonely mostly. Then I suddenly realised that God is especially around when we're lonely. So I started praying, and just talked to God. And as I spoke to him, I started talking to Uncle as well. I felt like God and him were listening and I broke down. It was a good thing. Then I offered up 3 songs to Uncle and God; since I always feel God's presence the most in prasie and worship.
So there in the quiet of the night, in pitch darkness, I sang " No Greater Love", " I worship You, Almighty God"and "Heart of Worhsip". Soonafter, I calmed down and cozced my way to sleep.
[night]
I'm feeling indescribably blend, plain, numb, blank. My face has no expression at this point. Too much to think, that I just find myself starring into the mid-day sky, pleading for some rest.
Help me, please.
Something's very wrong. with. me.
[on the bus going home]
Ive been feverish the last few days. I went to give tuition to my kid again just now, and then headed to town for dinner with Aaron and saome of our friends.
It's always nice to have company, but knowing well whoose hand I wana hold again, I still walked around with a helplessness in my heavy heart. How is he today? Is he still sad about his dad? Is he ok in camp? But I held back my sms " I miss you very much dear." Then suddenly, my phone buzzed. " Hows today?" -Jianwei. ... ohmygoodness...
Oh yeah, found out something great! Charlie brown might not need to go back to Aussie end of the year! So he might be playing and singing with me and the rest of the band in december! :) YAY!
----------------
5th September
[morning]
There was something very familiar about this morning. I woke to the coolness of the rainy morning, anf to the imaginery singing of Charles's voice, because I'd been listening to Blackpepper's tracks (and since there are three I have only) everyday, and that includes last night while I was falling alseep.
But you see, that wasn't what was so familiar. I felt a very very very familiar feeling. Then I realised that this morning, reminded me of one of the many mornings that wei and I woke up to before, while we still slept hand in hand, over a long, lazy weekend, or a morning that wei had to rush back to camp before sunrise. I remember he'd change, and leave for work, and before leaving, he'd say to me " Dear, I'm going to work now, I make a move first." And then he'd kiss me gently, and say " I love you, please cover up, if not you'll be cold."
As i got ready for work this morning, I found that familiar feeling to be something I treasused, since I don't wake up to this sort of feeling everyday.
I miss waking up to you, dear.
Where have you taken him, so so far away from me now? Somewhere locked away in our past, in his heart, where I can no longer reach into? Give him back to me, please.
[night]
Can't go online tonight coz we just changed comp and the internet isnt running yet. Thats ok, but just tht I got aloot stuff to do!!! >.< HAhaha,
But anyway, Pat's been like SO DAMN VERY GOOD already. I feel VERY VERY BAD. I wana pay him back like NOW.
So tonight, we're both watching television, and agh he wants to watch soccer! hahaha, (damnit.) But thts ok la.. let him watch awhile, HAHAH, (i feel bad again).
Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY POK YOKE!!!! *__*
----------------
4th September
Fucky. Yucky. Sucky. Silly.
These are the four emotions I felt today, in no particular order.
Sick again. (Fucky) Missed work again. (Sucky) Somehow I hope that they'll fire me so that I can go do somethig more enjoyable. But I still gave tuition to my kid, Zhe Hui, anyway.This job is making me feel very depressed. I can't really fit in. I still will do the work as best as I can, but I feel like I'm in army and I have no choice but to do what I don't like. (Silly).
Second. I miss him quite badly today. Got me holding myself back. He's on leave today and tmr. Did I mention one other thing I love about him? He's humourous.
I miss you, so, so, so, very much, my dear.
But something silly did cheer me up today.
I went to the coffee shop at the main road, to buy dinner. And the boy at the chai peng stall that I was buying from, who is malaysian I think, was flirting with me! (right in front of his mum or aunty excuse me) hahaha. Gosh, made me blush silly for nothing! Really!
Well, being without internet tonight, I was able to do up my October and December set lists once again. I think this one is much better (hopefully).
Good night, world.
------------
-3rd September 2006-
(1) The Cat Show!! :o)
Weiwei asked Harri last night, if we wanted to go for the cat show at Expo today!
I became really excited, and told Harri we had to go! Wei was also really keen on it,
and it's rare that he was asking Harri out as well. I felt that it was something we could
do to cheer him up as well. I know that he is really sad deep down inside. And since
I cant offer him anything else except to be there for him now, this was a great way to do so.
Harri and I watched Pride and Prejudice last night, (the one Nick bought for my birthday)
and we couldnt wake up early enough to go for morning mass, so we ended up meeting Wei in
the afternoon after Holy Fam mass. But the silly booy himself, cudnt wake up. I was alarm clock again *grin*.
I know this is really silly, but it was so nice talking to him like normal again. It was like any other time
calling him, and hearing him stretch with tht silly waking up voice, and his talking was still a bit "unclear";
you know, the sort when you've just woken up? :) And there was no weirdness or glum sound
to his voice. I was happy just like that. It doesnt really, entirely matter what our status is, I GUESS.
Anyway, my point to all that is, that we met him in the afternoon, and I didn't wana have to think
so much about what time I was gonna go for choir. I don't like battling with myself. All I know is that
I wanted him to have a gd time, and I wanted to have a good time as well. I knew my responsibility
still had to be fulfiled, but I felt that this was once in a while that I cud have a little change for once.
(but of coz my mind was with the choir the whole time after 4pm, no, really.) Guilt was a sure but hopefully excusable thing today.
The cat show was SOOOOOOOOOO FUN for a change! It was not the sort of exhibition where kiasu
Singaporeans would squeeze, and push each other around just to see something. This was really chill.
Wait for photos to be uploaded, once Harri sends them to me! :) We also took some very "korean drama"
looking shots, I must coz they are so similar in character and looks and really feel like half-siblings.
So, the cat show was fun. But Wei's face fell after we left. :( Im praying for him day in day out. Lord, take the pain away
and so much more, of coz. Im really really glad sis came along. I knew that it would make him so happy.
I feel that my presence around him these days, doesnt make him entirely happy, since we have alot of underlying
issues that were left unsettled, although we can still get relaxed arund each other these days. My face, GRR.
(2) -Sngaporean Behaviour-
Argh. Completely pissed off, by three incidents today, that showed such an UGLY side of Singaporeans. EW EW EW.
Fed up, is the two words for it tonight. Ok, the first one was like this:
.1. Harri and I went to buy roti-jon at the food court of Expo. it was very crowded already, and the sueue was very long. Nvm. I was beiing VERY nice to the malay stall Aunty, ut all she could do was be black-faced, and really not very service-oriented. BUT her other MALAY customers, were treated very nicely. Harri and I took notice of this, and we were really not very pleased, especially when we waited so long for our order.
.2. The next incident. We were at a table with four seats. And we occupied three since there were only three of us. Fourth seat was free for anyone, but the COURTEAOUS way of doing things, should be to ASK. Esp coz Wei wasnt around, so it would have easily looked like we had four people at that time. Still, people ASKED first. This mother-fugging asshole of a slob chinese middle aged fella, came to the seat opp me, and slammed down his tray with the bowl of noodles on it, which looked like it was about to topple any time, and sat down. I was totally disgusted. Firstly, he was RUDE. Secondly, he was DISGUSTING. Thirdly, he starred at us for a good five seconds. And we starred back at him and then looked at each other. I said to Harri :" I have nothing to say". And she replied, "Me neither". We were just totally appalled by the absolutely snobbish behaviour of this man.
.3. Next. Wei bought dessert, and I went to the stallt o get extra spoons. Plastic spoons, mind you. So, I asked the Aunty very nicely if I could have two spoons. She asked me what I bought, so fair enough, I replied, "ice kachang". She said " One bowl, two spoons only", and she gave me one spoon. And I remember clearly that I asked her for TWO spoons. I don't care if she was running out of spoons, or whether she was trying to save spoons. But the fact was that I asked for two more spoons. I starred at her, keeping my cool, but pissed. Reluctantly, she gave me another spoon. WTF???.
Weiwei responded to the first incident like this: "You should have told me earlier. I'd go up to thr malay lady and tell her (wth his hands gestured up into the air) I don't want anything! ^__^ HAHAHAHA. Harri and I burst out laughing.
His sense of humour seems to be getting better these days.
Then his reponse to the second incident was: "You should have told me earlier, I'd knock his elbow or something." Coz that snobbish fella was taking up Wei's part of the table as well, and I swear he was damn fucking disgusting.
And when it came to the third incident, Wei gave up on any thoughts of retaliation. These people here were just terrible. Fullstop.
(3)"Us" and Harri. And him.
Well. Like I said,I am relieved Harri came along today. *Thank you babe*. Wei was having a gd time, not so much because I was there, but rather becoZ funny Harri was there creating fun with him. He spoke to her more than he did with me. Seems that today we were slipping back to the trying-to-avoid- and all, but not as bad as previously. I'm not complaining/ As long as he's happy. Harri and her camera really perked up the day!!! *three cheers for my dear*
While we were at the fair, I stole glances at him many times. I was imagining things while looking at him. I started to miss the way he would look at me with the most gemtle eyes, and hold me. I miss the way he would pat my head or stroke my hair, and say the sweetest things only for me to hear. I missed the natural way we would hold hands, and go around town, and be happy, becoz we had each other around. I miss most of all, the way he would hug me from behind, and we'd just stand there for the longest time in his old place, and admire the stars in the sky. I miss the way he treasured me. And I wish it never changed.
But he's trying to be indifferent now. With libras, you never know what they're feeling or thinking. And I honestly dont know at all, anything that's sweeping thru his mind. I wish I did know thw honest truth coz the only things I know, are the thiings he purposely slips to me. Like natalie's myspace page, or kate's new photos, or that Ling decided not to have him place. And I do know thw real reasons why. I felt bad, but it isnt my fault I guess. But even then, eh was hurt enuff to tell me twice. I kept quiet. I don't need to say a thing about this at all. He shud figure out why it's happening. But on Saturday night, I realised that I was numb towards all his new fantasies. And all I could feel was more love for him. Wwrid huh.
But Harri was right. Who asked him, to leave one, to want so many others. Im not trying to be smug here and say im the best, but I hope he sees one day, why Im still waiting and perhaps look back on why he oved me so much at one point.
(4) Church
Wow. God, you're amazing. Amen. Alleluia. Thank you Lord.
I felt God's calm assurance today, during our 6pm mass. I cannot feel this kind of thing anywhere else ie Holy Fam.
Somehow, in my own church, I can "feel" God. His presence around me, when I'm in church, is so so real.
Somehow I felt reassured today, that God is really here for me, and that whatever Im gonna go thru, has his hand in it, completely, totally, and absolutely. I don't know how to describe it, but I felt calm, and solemn, yet peaceful and light. And i always only feel this during mass. I feel HONOURED to be allowed to feel this way, because Father Greg told us before that a mass is always sacred and special. God always tries to send us a messege thru his scriptrues, the priest and the songs that we sing. And when I get a chance to be "touched" by God during mass, I feel very blessed.
Dear God,
You know me better than I know myself. You know my every wish, plan, thought, action, desire, hope, frustration, disappointment, resentment, envy, love, gratitude and so much more. You know how I'm feeling now, and I pray that in your best way that only you know how, please help me to cope, to see things in different light, to love abundantly, to continue letting my patience, and many other good things grow, and that the bad things be slowly rid off wth time. Lord, you know that I always want those who are precious to me, to be happy, healthy, safe, and protected. Please take care of my family, my god-family, my choir, and my best friend Harri. Please also watch over everyone else who means alot to me.You know my worries over Wei and his family, and I ask you please to heal them, and help them as they cope with thier lives from today. I pray that one day, Wei will be enlightened by you Lord, whether he knows it or not, and with that wisdom, go about his life more surely. Please help us all to accept what has already happened and with time, the grief will lessen.
(5) Godbro
Lord, THANK YOU.
God bro and I FINALLY spoke today.
It's a mircale. REALLY. And it felt so good. SO GOOD.
Bro, thank you, for forgiving me. Thank you, for talking again.
Thank you Lord.
Thank you.
(6) Catholic VS Christian views
I am aware this is a touchy issue. But none the less, I wana say that I am glad i spoke to father after church today, and cleared some doubts about certain things. It really made so much more sense now. And it relieved me of the stress of the things I was brooding on.
-It's good to noe first of all, that no matter what race, religion whatever at all, that you are, YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD. You don't need t be catholic or christian only to be a child of God.
-Please, do not worry, whether you get a chance to go to heaven anot. Coz ANYONE does. Just be a good person on earth, and repent at the end of the day.
-If you have friends who cmiitted suicide, do not be afraid. God forgives and it's up to God to decide. We cannot judge the person's sin and say that he will not go up to heaven.
-Souls in purgatory, are souls atoning for sins and it doesnt mean that they go nowehere. These things are not written in the bible and therefore we have no right to make conclusions to these things.
-If ure not christian, and you pass away, it doesnt matter whether u believe in God anot, that doesnt give u lesser chances of being up in the better place. If ypur family loves you, and wants u to be baptised, whether u really accept or not and what happens after, is for God to decide.
I am relieved. I know what to do, should that day happen to you. It mattered that much to me, that I had to ask Father. I am relieved.
--
Wow. and that is all I have for you today, folks. I have spent more than an hour writing this. TIRED. >.< Nites all.
------------------
Here's the entries for the last few days! :) And my creative player just died. I am so very upset. EXTREMELY.
Anyway, some new photos too :)
haiz... my player..... :( Charles wud u lend me yours please? Wud like to take yr songs again.... argh.
6th Sept
[morning]
I felt terrible before sleep last night, and lonely mostly. Then I suddenly realised that God is especially around when we're lonely. So I started praying, and just talked to God. And as I spoke to him, I started talking to Uncle as well. I felt like God and him were listening and I broke down. It was a good thing. Then I offered up 3 songs to Uncle and God; since I always feel God's presence the most in prasie and worship.
So there in the quiet of the night, in pitch darkness, I sang " No Greater Love", " I worship You, Almighty God"and "Heart of Worhsip". Soonafter, I calmed down and cozced my way to sleep.
[night]
I'm feeling indescribably blend, plain, numb, blank. My face has no expression at this point. Too much to think, that I just find myself starring into the mid-day sky, pleading for some rest.
Help me, please.
Something's very wrong. with. me.
[on the bus going home]
Ive been feverish the last few days. I went to give tuition to my kid again just now, and then headed to town for dinner with Aaron and saome of our friends.
It's always nice to have company, but knowing well whoose hand I wana hold again, I still walked around with a helplessness in my heavy heart. How is he today? Is he still sad about his dad? Is he ok in camp? But I held back my sms " I miss you very much dear." Then suddenly, my phone buzzed. " Hows today?" -Jianwei. ... ohmygoodness...
Oh yeah, found out something great! Charlie brown might not need to go back to Aussie end of the year! So he might be playing and singing with me and the rest of the band in december! :) YAY!
----------------
5th September
[morning]
There was something very familiar about this morning. I woke to the coolness of the rainy morning, anf to the imaginery singing of Charles's voice, because I'd been listening to Blackpepper's tracks (and since there are three I have only) everyday, and that includes last night while I was falling alseep.
But you see, that wasn't what was so familiar. I felt a very very very familiar feeling. Then I realised that this morning, reminded me of one of the many mornings that wei and I woke up to before, while we still slept hand in hand, over a long, lazy weekend, or a morning that wei had to rush back to camp before sunrise. I remember he'd change, and leave for work, and before leaving, he'd say to me " Dear, I'm going to work now, I make a move first." And then he'd kiss me gently, and say " I love you, please cover up, if not you'll be cold."
As i got ready for work this morning, I found that familiar feeling to be something I treasused, since I don't wake up to this sort of feeling everyday.
I miss waking up to you, dear.
Where have you taken him, so so far away from me now? Somewhere locked away in our past, in his heart, where I can no longer reach into? Give him back to me, please.
[night]
Can't go online tonight coz we just changed comp and the internet isnt running yet. Thats ok, but just tht I got aloot stuff to do!!! >.< HAhaha,
But anyway, Pat's been like SO DAMN VERY GOOD already. I feel VERY VERY BAD. I wana pay him back like NOW.
So tonight, we're both watching television, and agh he wants to watch soccer! hahaha, (damnit.) But thts ok la.. let him watch awhile, HAHAH, (i feel bad again).
Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY POK YOKE!!!! *__*
----------------
4th September
Fucky. Yucky. Sucky. Silly.
These are the four emotions I felt today, in no particular order.
Sick again. (Fucky) Missed work again. (Sucky) Somehow I hope that they'll fire me so that I can go do somethig more enjoyable. But I still gave tuition to my kid, Zhe Hui, anyway.This job is making me feel very depressed. I can't really fit in. I still will do the work as best as I can, but I feel like I'm in army and I have no choice but to do what I don't like. (Silly).
Second. I miss him quite badly today. Got me holding myself back. He's on leave today and tmr. Did I mention one other thing I love about him? He's humourous.
I miss you, so, so, so, very much, my dear.
But something silly did cheer me up today.
I went to the coffee shop at the main road, to buy dinner. And the boy at the chai peng stall that I was buying from, who is malaysian I think, was flirting with me! (right in front of his mum or aunty excuse me) hahaha. Gosh, made me blush silly for nothing! Really!
Well, being without internet tonight, I was able to do up my October and December set lists once again. I think this one is much better (hopefully).
Good night, world.
------------
-3rd September 2006-
(1) The Cat Show!! :o)
Weiwei asked Harri last night, if we wanted to go for the cat show at Expo today!
I became really excited, and told Harri we had to go! Wei was also really keen on it,
and it's rare that he was asking Harri out as well. I felt that it was something we could
do to cheer him up as well. I know that he is really sad deep down inside. And since
I cant offer him anything else except to be there for him now, this was a great way to do so.
Harri and I watched Pride and Prejudice last night, (the one Nick bought for my birthday)
and we couldnt wake up early enough to go for morning mass, so we ended up meeting Wei in
the afternoon after Holy Fam mass. But the silly booy himself, cudnt wake up. I was alarm clock again *grin*.
I know this is really silly, but it was so nice talking to him like normal again. It was like any other time
calling him, and hearing him stretch with tht silly waking up voice, and his talking was still a bit "unclear";
you know, the sort when you've just woken up? :) And there was no weirdness or glum sound
to his voice. I was happy just like that. It doesnt really, entirely matter what our status is, I GUESS.
Anyway, my point to all that is, that we met him in the afternoon, and I didn't wana have to think
so much about what time I was gonna go for choir. I don't like battling with myself. All I know is that
I wanted him to have a gd time, and I wanted to have a good time as well. I knew my responsibility
still had to be fulfiled, but I felt that this was once in a while that I cud have a little change for once.
(but of coz my mind was with the choir the whole time after 4pm, no, really.) Guilt was a sure but hopefully excusable thing today.
The cat show was SOOOOOOOOOO FUN for a change! It was not the sort of exhibition where kiasu
Singaporeans would squeeze, and push each other around just to see something. This was really chill.
Wait for photos to be uploaded, once Harri sends them to me! :) We also took some very "korean drama"
looking shots, I must coz they are so similar in character and looks and really feel like half-siblings.
So, the cat show was fun. But Wei's face fell after we left. :( Im praying for him day in day out. Lord, take the pain away
and so much more, of coz. Im really really glad sis came along. I knew that it would make him so happy.
I feel that my presence around him these days, doesnt make him entirely happy, since we have alot of underlying
issues that were left unsettled, although we can still get relaxed arund each other these days. My face, GRR.
(2) -Sngaporean Behaviour-
Argh. Completely pissed off, by three incidents today, that showed such an UGLY side of Singaporeans. EW EW EW.
Fed up, is the two words for it tonight. Ok, the first one was like this:
.1. Harri and I went to buy roti-jon at the food court of Expo. it was very crowded already, and the sueue was very long. Nvm. I was beiing VERY nice to the malay stall Aunty, ut all she could do was be black-faced, and really not very service-oriented. BUT her other MALAY customers, were treated very nicely. Harri and I took notice of this, and we were really not very pleased, especially when we waited so long for our order.
.2. The next incident. We were at a table with four seats. And we occupied three since there were only three of us. Fourth seat was free for anyone, but the COURTEAOUS way of doing things, should be to ASK. Esp coz Wei wasnt around, so it would have easily looked like we had four people at that time. Still, people ASKED first. This mother-fugging asshole of a slob chinese middle aged fella, came to the seat opp me, and slammed down his tray with the bowl of noodles on it, which looked like it was about to topple any time, and sat down. I was totally disgusted. Firstly, he was RUDE. Secondly, he was DISGUSTING. Thirdly, he starred at us for a good five seconds. And we starred back at him and then looked at each other. I said to Harri :" I have nothing to say". And she replied, "Me neither". We were just totally appalled by the absolutely snobbish behaviour of this man.
.3. Next. Wei bought dessert, and I went to the stallt o get extra spoons. Plastic spoons, mind you. So, I asked the Aunty very nicely if I could have two spoons. She asked me what I bought, so fair enough, I replied, "ice kachang". She said " One bowl, two spoons only", and she gave me one spoon. And I remember clearly that I asked her for TWO spoons. I don't care if she was running out of spoons, or whether she was trying to save spoons. But the fact was that I asked for two more spoons. I starred at her, keeping my cool, but pissed. Reluctantly, she gave me another spoon. WTF???.
Weiwei responded to the first incident like this: "You should have told me earlier. I'd go up to thr malay lady and tell her (wth his hands gestured up into the air) I don't want anything! ^__^ HAHAHAHA. Harri and I burst out laughing.
His sense of humour seems to be getting better these days.
Then his reponse to the second incident was: "You should have told me earlier, I'd knock his elbow or something." Coz that snobbish fella was taking up Wei's part of the table as well, and I swear he was damn fucking disgusting.
And when it came to the third incident, Wei gave up on any thoughts of retaliation. These people here were just terrible. Fullstop.
(3)"Us" and Harri. And him.
Well. Like I said,I am relieved Harri came along today. *Thank you babe*. Wei was having a gd time, not so much because I was there, but rather becoZ funny Harri was there creating fun with him. He spoke to her more than he did with me. Seems that today we were slipping back to the trying-to-avoid- and all, but not as bad as previously. I'm not complaining/ As long as he's happy. Harri and her camera really perked up the day!!! *three cheers for my dear*
While we were at the fair, I stole glances at him many times. I was imagining things while looking at him. I started to miss the way he would look at me with the most gemtle eyes, and hold me. I miss the way he would pat my head or stroke my hair, and say the sweetest things only for me to hear. I missed the natural way we would hold hands, and go around town, and be happy, becoz we had each other around. I miss most of all, the way he would hug me from behind, and we'd just stand there for the longest time in his old place, and admire the stars in the sky. I miss the way he treasured me. And I wish it never changed.
But he's trying to be indifferent now. With libras, you never know what they're feeling or thinking. And I honestly dont know at all, anything that's sweeping thru his mind. I wish I did know thw honest truth coz the only things I know, are the thiings he purposely slips to me. Like natalie's myspace page, or kate's new photos, or that Ling decided not to have him place. And I do know thw real reasons why. I felt bad, but it isnt my fault I guess. But even then, eh was hurt enuff to tell me twice. I kept quiet. I don't need to say a thing about this at all. He shud figure out why it's happening. But on Saturday night, I realised that I was numb towards all his new fantasies. And all I could feel was more love for him. Wwrid huh.
But Harri was right. Who asked him, to leave one, to want so many others. Im not trying to be smug here and say im the best, but I hope he sees one day, why Im still waiting and perhaps look back on why he oved me so much at one point.
(4) Church
Wow. God, you're amazing. Amen. Alleluia. Thank you Lord.
I felt God's calm assurance today, during our 6pm mass. I cannot feel this kind of thing anywhere else ie Holy Fam.
Somehow, in my own church, I can "feel" God. His presence around me, when I'm in church, is so so real.
Somehow I felt reassured today, that God is really here for me, and that whatever Im gonna go thru, has his hand in it, completely, totally, and absolutely. I don't know how to describe it, but I felt calm, and solemn, yet peaceful and light. And i always only feel this during mass. I feel HONOURED to be allowed to feel this way, because Father Greg told us before that a mass is always sacred and special. God always tries to send us a messege thru his scriptrues, the priest and the songs that we sing. And when I get a chance to be "touched" by God during mass, I feel very blessed.
Dear God,
You know me better than I know myself. You know my every wish, plan, thought, action, desire, hope, frustration, disappointment, resentment, envy, love, gratitude and so much more. You know how I'm feeling now, and I pray that in your best way that only you know how, please help me to cope, to see things in different light, to love abundantly, to continue letting my patience, and many other good things grow, and that the bad things be slowly rid off wth time. Lord, you know that I always want those who are precious to me, to be happy, healthy, safe, and protected. Please take care of my family, my god-family, my choir, and my best friend Harri. Please also watch over everyone else who means alot to me.You know my worries over Wei and his family, and I ask you please to heal them, and help them as they cope with thier lives from today. I pray that one day, Wei will be enlightened by you Lord, whether he knows it or not, and with that wisdom, go about his life more surely. Please help us all to accept what has already happened and with time, the grief will lessen.
(5) Godbro
Lord, THANK YOU.
God bro and I FINALLY spoke today.
It's a mircale. REALLY. And it felt so good. SO GOOD.
Bro, thank you, for forgiving me. Thank you, for talking again.
Thank you Lord.
Thank you.
(6) Catholic VS Christian views
I am aware this is a touchy issue. But none the less, I wana say that I am glad i spoke to father after church today, and cleared some doubts about certain things. It really made so much more sense now. And it relieved me of the stress of the things I was brooding on.
-It's good to noe first of all, that no matter what race, religion whatever at all, that you are, YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD. You don't need t be catholic or christian only to be a child of God.
-Please, do not worry, whether you get a chance to go to heaven anot. Coz ANYONE does. Just be a good person on earth, and repent at the end of the day.
-If you have friends who cmiitted suicide, do not be afraid. God forgives and it's up to God to decide. We cannot judge the person's sin and say that he will not go up to heaven.
-Souls in purgatory, are souls atoning for sins and it doesnt mean that they go nowehere. These things are not written in the bible and therefore we have no right to make conclusions to these things.
-If ure not christian, and you pass away, it doesnt matter whether u believe in God anot, that doesnt give u lesser chances of being up in the better place. If ypur family loves you, and wants u to be baptised, whether u really accept or not and what happens after, is for God to decide.
I am relieved. I know what to do, should that day happen to you. It mattered that much to me, that I had to ask Father. I am relieved.
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Wow. and that is all I have for you today, folks. I have spent more than an hour writing this. TIRED. >.< Nites all.
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posted by melissa at 9/07/2006 08:01:00 PM
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