im at home. some strange things have happened. they locked my doors. but i kinda know how to get myself in. how silly.
but what's weirder, is that the main door lock is now suddenlt spoilt..??! and I don't know whether that's on purpose or not.
I broke down at the bus stop, couldn't muster the courage to come home. Many things charles sadi ran thru my head, and I tried so hard, to brush off any fear, but there's still alot of apprehension in me. I cried, till 950pm, while in the phone with christine..and wuickly got myself home. Now I'm awaiting the "conference" again. I really hate these things.
I know the trouble won't end, and each time it gets worse, though I know the only way out, I don't want to do it. I'm just so had enough off it. I think If i really had the means, I would really stay on my own.
-deep breath-
but i;m back now. I don't know when we're gonna talk. I don't want to disappoint jw or charles or harri, because I should still try to get this down . At least If I fail, I have tried my best. I do not know what's gonna be the outcome. But I roughly guess the verdict won't be plesant, or to my liking quite surely.
I'm feeling very anxious. It's not a nice feeling at all. I try to be strong, and deal with these feelings, because he taught me to, but it's really eating me.