"Go, to the end of the road, ...." -boyz 2 men

Hey guys..Today was my last and final day at Gramophone. I left on a good, solemn, happy, sad, relieved, delighted, nostalgic note. It also marks the end of this chapter, the chapter, tht really needs to be closed and done with. Today marks the day I promised myself, that along with this great job, yet unfortunately not so great pay, I will also close the chapter on us. I can already bet that I'd probably still be talking abt him and thinking of what the fuck happened, but the chapter still needs to be closed. I will return his things by this weekend, and start a new notebook, along with my new job that commences on Monday, 10am. First stop ain't even the office man. Firs stop is Milenia Walk's Starbucks, to meet my senior colleague and our clients. She asked me if I was free today and tmr to meet them, but I really would appreciate a start on Monday instead.

Well, I planned a bit of my entry again today, (as I always do..the thoughts just come to my mind and I jot it down as smth I want to blog about), and I reflected on the many jobs I've had since 17. I think I've gained alot from these jobs. I started off with the simple part time job, learning things abt work etiquette and work politics. Then with slightly more demanding part time jobs, I picked up things abt work efficiency and how it was directly related to keeping yr job. By the time I was done with Poly, I knew all these. Then I went ont to temp jobs, where I learnt how to deal with unreasonable bosses and work stress. ( I think this bit we continue to learn with the new poeple we meet at work). I started taking up full time jobs , and I learnt how we have to accept jobs for the way they are, and the demands of a job, no matter how unhappy you are (until u resign). After trying teaching, and being with Gramophone the last two months, I'm happy that I've definitely learnt smth from each job I took up.

Yesterday, I signed the contract for the new job, and it felt good. I was briefed by the girl I'm taking over (Eunice; who has been with them for a yr, but moving on to an events company), and the people there have been nice so far ( and i do know some of them already, kinda). I went to Holy Fam with Harri and her family for ascension mass. We went back to her plc and met simon downstairs for dinner. I enjoyed that hearty neal. Her mum and her make me feel like family, and from the very very ends of my heart, if there is such a thing, I couldn't and can never describe how grateful I am towards them and how happy i feel to have them in my life. She has been there so much and has been so understanding, I know I will give up my life for her. I love her and her mum like my own, and to me her mum has always has the place of a godmother in my heart. She has always cared for, loved and taken cared of me like a godmother. My godmother doesn't do that. Aunty Constance, Harriet, thank you very much. Aunty helped to cut my fringe too, and it felt lovely just standing there and letting her cut my fringe. I felt like a little girl again, standing in front of mummy, letting her cut my fringe with all that trust I have in her.

I watched a bit of Grey's Anatomy at her plc, and also Aamerican Idol. It was fun being at her place again just doing the home things. I went off early, for supper with Patrick and Sean and their friends at simpang. My only reason for going was to see Sean again. He's the only one from my past left, that I still have a soft spot for. And if I were given a chance, I would like to be with him. But in the same breath, with that much said, I am fearful, because I fear ruining another friendship, I fear losing another important friend, and I dare not make any rash moves. I can tell tht he is still fond of me somewhat, but I am too afraid tht once u make the next step, u ruin everything coz it doesn't turn out the way u want it to. Also, I may just be rebounding now tht I don't have anyone. I scolded myself for being so quick to want someone else (or something new). I do not know If i really do. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe Im tired of waiting, and knowing tht I should move on. Maybe I need someone to love again. Maybe it's because I can no longer have someone. So, in more than a breath, I dare not proceed. I rather be like this for now.

I' ve been thinking lately, about how I shouldn't be so angry with him. I realised tho, that I can't bring myself to forgive him at this moment, for leaving me at such a bad time. I will not be able to for a long time to come. Coz it really caused me alot more difficulty to stand up when I was already so weak. More so, I can't forgive him coz he stayed with me, even when he was already not interested to. Even if it were to hurt me, I deserved to know earlier, or I deserved a good talk, rather than pretending to love me when uhe didn't anymore. It pains to read what I just wrote, necause I just don't believe how what we had and took paisn to keep,turned out this way. But I said I shouldn't be so angry with him, perhaps coz he had his own struggles, his own battles with himself, his own reasons..perhaps he was like me, unable to let go, coz there MAYBE was still smth, and yet wanted the other or smth much more, or many more things for himself. Ive been thru tht, I know how it feels. But he was far too brave, and Im sick and tired of his fickle-mindedness. Harri shared with me on how I may suffer next time if I were still with him and he does go to japan..so many beautiful women there. How wud I ever compare? I realised then tht i didnt want to be with someone who wud be floating ard in thoughts of other women all ard him, and keep me just becoz he has to stay so-called loyal. I don't know and I'll never know now that he's no longer mine.

Anyway. Recently, I've been getting rather worried about my body. I get tired so easily. I felt much better after a gd nite's rest the nite before, but after a bit of yerterday's activities, I was so tired when I got back. Not to mention, I'm extremely heaty now. I had constipation, and bloatnedness and it was painful. I cudnt release the air, and it was just stuck inside. I had to force it out, and I found myself stuck in the toilet for two hrs till 4am. Yeah.

Today's last day at Gramophone was definitely a day of mixed feelings. I was happy that I'm moving onto something better,but work was so so boring as usual, but I knew I wud miss this place alot, having had good colleagues and learnt good stuff. My boss was rather sad again and my colleague just resigned too. (opps) heh. I was so sian but I loved at the same time, the -nothing-to-do- life there. HAHA.

But, hey smth to look out for!!
GRAMOPHONE STORE WIDE 20% DISCOUNT ON ALL CDS, FROM TMR 26TH MAY TILL THREE WEEKS LATER! DVDS 15% DISCOUNT!

I think i will miss also, the aunties and uncles of the food stalls who have been so kind, but most of all, Linda, from OCBC bank. I see her every Thursday, to collect coins and deposit cash for the company.Shes just got married, and she looks ALOT LIKE SMANTHA ( really u noe nikky). She's very sweet, and very pretty. She's pregnant too, so I'm gonna keep in touch with her and see her baby when he/she comes into this world hehehe. She has been very nice to me, and going to the bank becaem a joy every thursday afternoon : ) We exchanged numbers today too!

I think I'll also miss my regular customers : )There were a few who Ive gotten to know sorta, and I know I will miss helping them and learning music from them. But for the sake of my own happinessa dn stability and future, this had to be done. Now I look forward to church every Sunday, and like I mentioned, I am resuming cantoring this pentecost Sunday :] What a great way to welcopme me back to the ministry! Also, will be working more with my sops again, and organing stuff. I will do my job well, grow and learn in theatre dealings, and make sure I go far. I will be hjappier again,c o I intend to find gigs, and audition at Musicdreamers or HArk. I also might join SYC next yr.

Anyway, im glad I dared to speak to Charles today. I guess I was just afriad he might have gotten tired of me, though I know he'd never judge me. I also cleared the air abt smth, which im glad I did. I hate to doubt him and I don't because I trust him with more or less all my heart. He's a good person and a good friend. I appreicate his being around, and all that he's done and constantly pray that he's ok in MDC now, happier too. He told me my sixth sense was wrong today, and it tickled me, coz I knew that was how well he knew me. I wondered if he would pick up the same frequency, that I was referring to my 6th sense telling me smth, and he DID! hahahahaha lol. Charles, that was seriosuly quite funny :p On a more serious note, I just wana say, I was a little worried, just a little, coz I know we've both kinda put u in a fix, and from my side, I'm sorry. I hope you don't have to hide from me, when u meet him or are going to. i really don't want you to end up feeling irritated by all this. That was my only concern. Hope you can take care of him.

I should talk abit abt EUNICE! My TNS colleague whom I'm taking over : ) She'll be handing over everything to me next week, so pray for me, haha, I hope I won't be too overwhelemd. God, will see me thru, yes ? I'm pretty excited about this new job, honestly. A bit! heh. She's fun like me, she's bubbly like me, she's casual and friendly like me! HAHAHA. Just imagine a girl like me, BUT, alot more responsible and mature. yea HAHAHA.

YEA. so, Monday, brand new start.
I wana say maybe I might be onto smth new here. =) Well, if it's God's will, He might be the one for me.

Night dear.