I have two posts. Today's and yesterday's. So We'll start with today's which is a notch higher on the depressing scale. (I'd like for my two important friends to not read this if u're feeling tired today, or tired of me. I don't want you to feel worse.)

Btw, updated my Cd List

-Today's-

It's now 5pm.
An hour, to be precise, after I woke up. I slept at 2am, and woke at 10.10, thinking it was 2pm.I was awfully tired, and told Aileen i didn't want to work part-time today. Then I told her I'd see how i feel in the afternoon, because I injured my left knee kast night and it's still hurting today. I also msg Averyl, and told her I'd go down to TNS (The Necessary Stage) to sign the contract tmr instead of today. I just felt terrible, other than the pain.

I slept somemore, till 4pm, and just before waking, I had the most disgusting , horrifice dream ever. I think P and I fell for each other, and one night at home, we made out or somehow ended up doing so, and we got into a huge fight abt why I was alwasy home so late every night. And I said of all people, he would know why. EWWW. I woke up completely freaked out.I sat there, really achy from the long sleep, eyes half opened, and my whole mood very draggy and shitty. I started analysing why I had this nightmare, and realised it's becoz i've been worried recently about how oddly close P and I are. We are, coz we stay together, yet we're not, coz we're just not. We've become somewhat like siblings..somewhat. And it was quite freaky to receive an sms from him right tht second, saying he was feeling down, coz the girl he likes just told him today, that they are just friends. He's feeling quite down now.

SOO. :s Anyway, I realised there was more to it. I'm afraid of shifting again. Yet I think staying with a guy is just never the same as staying with a gurl. There are boundaries and U can't share with a guy the way u do with a girl. I miss staying with H I guess too. But most of all, I can't deny that I'm starting to miss my comfort zone quite badly. I miss my room, and no matter how mych I try to feel at home here. It's just not. : (

But I know, I can't think of all these. Just that I feel like 14 hours of sleep, was as good as none. I had other nightmares too, one with nick too I think, and even HIM. :[ Can you blame me for feeling so moody right now? I felt like crying in the toilet, coz all this is just making me feel more tired. And when I miss home, I go back to the same feelings abt missing HIM. I really need him around like before so badly. I just can't bring myself to believe he did this to me. Like I said before, I never thought he would break with me. I always tot I'd be the bad guy. He said to me before, perhaps was one of his lies, or smth said tht actually didnt measn as much as it seemed when said : "I'd never let u got ht easily."


I am honestly so scared of love now. I am so afraid to trust another guy if he tries to be more than friends. Coz they have this ablity to hide from u and bluff their way thru till the end.


-Yesterday's-

I'll start with the day time first. The night was more exciting, so we keep tht for later! haha. I'll break it into two parts, then U can decide to read the day or night one. haha. Your CHOICE.

DAY

I got to work slightly late again. Erlin looked so sad. Then I asked her if Jeff told her about my resignation and she said "yes". So I submitted the letter to her, and really felt sad about it too. Leaving this job, wasn't becoz I hated it or anything, so resigning had mixed feelings. Later, I smsed her while in the store, to thank her for everything and to apologise for the sudden resignation. Also asked for her to understand tht so much has been happening to me. She was always good to me as a boss. Later after she sent the letter via fax to Roger, the HR I/C, Roger called me, and asked if I was unhappy with the pay or the colleagues. And when I told him about sundays, he asked if I wanted to transfer to OUB or IP which works mon-sats, coz it's the office area. But I knew I already decided against it. (Besides I don't like the superiors at OUB, even if I was still working here.)

I felt really bad? oz Fabian and Farhanah were working eith me yesterday, and Fabian makes me the happiest at work, with his gay antiques and his gay topics, him being gay u NOE..so yea. And Farhanah is my junior from schl. But it's smth I have to do, for myself, to have a more fulfiling life, in all aspects.

Later, WAYNE called me. OHMYGOSH. Wayne ... : ( The person who interviewd, hired, and always thought of me very highly. He respected and appreciated what I had to offer, and he was the one person I just couldn't break the news to. He was shcoked indeed.

I told them I'd come back always to THIS STORE to buy cds and dvds, and tht I truly honestly enjoyed my stay here with them. All of them, including Jeff taught me alot. I had mixed feelings, coz I would miss the relax attitude here, always listening to music, always doing bo liao stuff. I hated parkway's busy ah beng ah lian ah ma and babies crowd, too busy, but I didnt like it tht it was too quiet here in scotts, thought most of the time, it was better since I was always so tired. But I know I'd miss listeningt o music 10 hrs a day, and trying out new cds. WOnder how I'd research once im out of this store on thursday. Coz it was only here that my music knowledge grew by leaps.

Makes me wonder how everyone else dcoes it. Pathetic huh.

But work was the BEST TODAY! I had alot of fun joking around with fab and farhanah, and we had alot of re-pricing of cds to do, and tht took up the whole day, other than doing the usual sales stuff hehehe.

Oh yeah, Nick came by my shop for the second time!! (in the morning), and so did Harri for the second time! :P (at night before the gig). Thanks both of u very much. It really cheers me up. The people who really care make such efforts, and it really touches me. charles came by once too , at parkway, the ONLY DAY I was at parkway man!. Haha Pat? pat is just mad..four times liao. (But u..u came to see me for a lunch and wudnt even come intothe shop...and u had so many opportunities to visit...)

-->ON HIM:

The first 1/3 of the day, I had forgotten about him. Maybe it was the major morning rush too. Always feel like im being torn out of sleep. Literally heh.

The second 1/3 of the day, certain things started making me miss him again. it was some of the songs too, which I might put lyrics up for here, later; or vidoes if i find any. Becoz of some things Farhanah was sharing with me, I agreed tht girls should always play hard to get. I was too easy to get. I didnt even really have him chase me much. I always gave in too easily, and maybe tht also kinda made me less important, less precious. I remember we started off , wanting to do a music duo. I sing, eh play, and we had JUST started on it. Nick warned me tht if we got together, it'd go straight into the drain, but as usual, i didn't take his advice, having been so head over heels for him at tht time, and we went straight into it. I remember he said tht to others it was fast, but not to us. His father also told him to take care of me properly. I remember tht afternoon so clearly.

I realised I never received flowers from him. Thought I told him not to waste since flowers wud die, but kinda always hinted tht fake flowers wud last. Once in a while, it's nice to be given flowers? ....But tht wasn't as impt as our music thing. We both had no desire to do it anymore after getting together. No discipline and it was far too distracting (each other i mean). Then now I see him working on a duo with jasmine, and I regret maybe. I should have been one of those girls he would never get, like the way he always wrote about so many other girls, and ironically he treasued them so much more. He said to me before " the first time u came to my house, i thought i'd never get to kiss this girl". " U had some crazy soul going on there when u sand tht chorus". Haiz. Now he says he wants to work on his vocals. I feel like laughing. I always told him he had quite a nice bass tone, and he never believed me. Now??!!? It's always like tht huh. We never listen to the people closest to us, the loved ones, not the friends.

The third 1/3 of the day, I just felt numb. I knew all this was just over. That I no longer had him around. That, no matter how much I do, I could never turn back time. I should have just left it at tht point on tht fateful sunday, when I went to lok for him, and eh took me back into his arms and said " dear, im sorry, i'll try my best again ok?" " I'm sorry". And i just cried in his arms..I felt safe again. But after tht, I knew tht he couldnt possibly really want it again considering it took a week and gg there to make him turn back. We talked and it was back to square one again. I know tht's inevitable actually even if we did have it gg again. But sometimes I wish tht one and only last chance cud have made it all work again.


-->ON THIS WEEK:

So today (tues) I am on off. [I was suppose to go return his things, and go TNS to sign contract. And then go help Aileen, buit I'll do tht tmr]

Tmr (wed) I am on off too! [ prob go watch H,S and A jam tmr nite]

The day after (thurs) is my last day at gramophone. :+
[ to all my gramophone peeps, though they'd never see this: Thank you so much for everything]

Fri: Im gg to watch x-men with nick! Then go watch charles at POW again! (yay movies movies, finally geto to watch more movies!)

Sat: Wedding mass in the morning! HOORAYYYYY Sat night, go watch Life Without Dreams Gig at THE ARTS HOUSE 7pm : )

Sun: CHURCH!!!!!!!!

Monday: First day at T.N.S =o)


NIGHT

FINALLY!!! THE NIGHT SEGMENT! HAHAHAHA!

We went to Barnone to watch KLPHQ, Ocean Band and West Grand Boulevard (but KLPHQ mainly, which turned out quite a disappointment). Me, HArri, Simon, Aaron, and PAt, who went with WeiWei,Gabriel, Desmond and Daniel Sasoon (both from Electrico). Guess wad? I met Hatta again! He is Pat's friend who was at the bbq tht time with Changkang, Akiko and the rest of their friends. Yeah, so met him again, and he was also at the Substation (timbre) tht night coz he works there as the marketing dude. WOHOO. S,he was with a freind, called Mark, who, haha, who happened to be my customer at Gramophone last week!. He was also at barnone last week, but I had NO IDEA He was also Hatta's friend. FUNNY. How small this world is!

Then I found out that Pat knows Sam Seow!!! OMGG. Coz Sam Seow is musicforgood's lawyer AS WELLLLLLLL. MY GOSH.

I FINALLY got to meet DAPHNE KHOO!! Yes, the gurl from Singapore idol, who is my junior from schl, and spoke to her online before. She is from West Grand Boulevard, and her band mate, Eric, is Simon's friend. HAHAHA. So thts why we were there too. She is SOOOOO SHORT. heh :P But cute u noe! She wore a black rock'n'roll sorta singlet, with the punkish belt, and black three quarters with nice black Converse shoes,which somehow looked so flattering on her! Her friend btw, one guy called JON is SO FUCKING CUTE. hahahaha! I was introduced to them, I have no idea why,a dn I got to speal with daph and them. I felt quite excited and happy. =p

I spoke with Mark too, and it was great talking to someone new, thought I cud tell he;s much older than i am, yet he's still studying (and political science too) gee.

Harri and I got to know Vivan LEE :) She is another photographer who carries the saem cam as Harri, and we saw her at barnone and substation last two weeks! Finally we got her contact! She's so sweet, perhaps nearly 30? She's petite, has the saem black rimmed specs as harri, usually wears those cup sleeved blouses with three quarters and shoes, and she has one length hair, up to just below her ears :P She reakky reminds me of harri. hahahaha.

Along with that, i got to meet Weiwei aagin (pat's friend). She is my ngee ann senior!and she's been with MTV Asia for one and a half years, doing the scheduling of advertisements on MTV channel! So kewl :p hahahaha. Her friend Gabriel who was there too, used to work for them as well. Heh.

Wow. Ive written so much Im exhausted!!! ^^

Heh, I also gotta chat with Desmond *wheeeeeeeeeeeee* He is so adorable lahhhhhh! And when he stood next to Daphnee, I wanted to laugh, coz she was shorter than him and he's already do short! HAHAHAHA.

Yes, So last night was pure madness. I had a great time.
Thank you for reading. hahaha.