Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
just to have sombody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
and I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
and I don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door


But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay

And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

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I wrote a very long journal entry into my diary last night. But after reading it, I felt it's too personal to put up here. However, to sum it up, I'll extract parts of it here to give u an idea.

" What happened yesterday really "woke me up" I guess.I'm a fool, a blardy dumb fool."
"His face alone makes my guard fall and crash to a million pieces."
"Maybe he's right that he's evil. He's a mooth operator."

"Nothing I've done has merely moved him. "

"What was I thinking when he said "if fate permits, I'll come back to you", what after hes done playing and fulfiling his dreams?"

" I wrote and asked things to no avail. His reply was always I'd tell u later."

" I was his experiment, his test, to quench his curiosity."

" Maybe he loved me, for a few months. As according to a friend I spoke to recently."

" I lost you so long ago. I was blind to not have noticed. But I did. when they started appearing one by one."

" you said to me in apr one of the measnest things ever. That ive found my freedom and now I have to work for my happiness. It was such an evuil joke."

"But now I realise, I havent healed at all. I just kept giving and getting hurt again."

"It's time to leave. I'm sorry.
I can't do this anymore."

"Even if it means to hurt continously in my dreams and in my heart and in my thoughts, I have to leave. Coz I'm really tired. And I can't push on anymore."

"Go. Please. Freely. Now.
And do whatever you want to do.
I will not be emotionally driven anymore.
Sometimes love just ain't enough. "

"I'm no longer fearful of losing you."

"Charles, instead of him not being bothered to fix things anymore, Im gonna say I can't be bothered to fix things anymore. And if it stays that way, than Ok I guess."

[in love's service, i have been wounded many times- Jeanette Winterson.]

I will fulfil my last promise to him next weekend, and that would be it.

I will never forget his near-tears look when we saw uncle lying there that day. I think he was most real then.

With all these said, my feelings, are as dumb as ever. But there's a difference now. And that difference is that I've finally decided to start loving myself more. Ive decided to be selfish again.