-Tuesday, September 19th 2006-

The first day at work, was pretty awesome :) Basically, I love ths place, and I'm really happy. No doubt I'm really exhausted, but all's good. First time I feel good about work, in a while. Everything feels right. I signed the contract and I'm happy with the terms too.

Im so tired I feel like sleeping right now. Hahaha.

MORE IMPORTANTLY! GO BUY SEVENTEEN MAG OCT ISSUE!!!! HAHAHAA, IM ON PAGE 107!!! WOW WHEEEEEEE! Gawd, it's been one of those fantasy dreams to be on a magazine!! WOW. :)

Okay, thts all. Im very tired hahaa.

Shall leave you guys and gals, with a Fiona Apple song that hits me right home.

-Shadowboxer-
Once my lover, now my friend
What a cruel thing to pretend
What a cunning way to condescend
Once my lover, and now my friend

Oh, you creep up like the clouds
And you set my soul at ease
Then you let your love abound
And you bring me to my knees

Oh, it's evil, babe
The way you let your grace enrapture me
When well you know I'd be insane
To ever let that dirty game recapture me

You made me a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
And I've been swinging around
'Cause I don't know when you're gonna make your move

Oh, your gaze is dangerous
And you fill you space so sweet
If I let you get too close
You'll set your spell on me

So darlin' I just wanna say
Just in case I don't come through
I was on to every play
I just wanted you

But oh, it's so evil, my love
The way you've no reverence to my concern
So I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love
To save the pain of once my flame
And twice my burn

So I'm a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
And I've been swinging around at nothing
I don't know when you're going to make your move

Yeah I'm a shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready for what you do
And I've been swinging around
'Cause I don't know
when you're going to make your move


SHIT. Maybe Im just in need of sleep now or smth, but since yest, the heartahce has started to become more again, and increasingly hard to surpress...feel this pain and the tears just holding back in my eye sockets... ahh, fark.

Itd just tht, this week, hes on leave. and its been a long time since hes been out on weekdays. Usually i wonder what he does on weekends tht i dont see him, and try not to, if he doesnt ask, and if i hold back on asking. Im trying so hard to stick to my own self respect and dignity. And most of all, move on, coz he doesnt care anymore to the extent tht my emails went irgnored. I know he doesnt mean it, but he has to do it. And it hurts like so badly tht nothing i do anymore works. But this week, Josiah is coming from Aussie,(tonight rather, like now as I type he is landing) and the feeling os not being asked along is suddenly hitting me quite badly. Its just tht if we were still together, I'd be gg there with him now, to welcome Jos here. And this week wud be great and all. I mean. Im trying to forget.

Sorry. i got to go. . .

...

oh u noe smth... dont know if hes realised this yet.. but previously when he stayed in marine parade, i stayed there for a bit as well...we took the same buses, the same bus rides.. how coincidental.. and now, we're again two srteets away.. just tht this time it's a Z shape.. previously was two straight roads... and again we have the same buses and same routes. Interesting how tanah merah station and bedok have been the two main stations of our time together. And whats worse, my bus to work now, haha takes me thru BOTH his old and new place. AHHHHH. Siglap. kill me. I noticed this already when I take the bus back from town. Just let me let it all out tonight, for Im feeling a bit overwhelmed. Tmr, I'll be ok. :)

I promised Charles I'd find my balance in life again. But I do promise everyone that these emot hings wont hnder work anymore. Work is far too impt to me now.