I WANT TO KILL MYSELF.
Im not FUCKING seeking attention. So shut up before u decide to tag any rubbish.
...*crying*. I just emailed some of you, I just got some advice from ana, i was JUST feeling that i could handle all this. But TODAY. TODAY RIGHT NOW, I really am at my wits end again.
*looks at my phone* I DONT KNOW WHO TO CALL.
*crying still*. It was all suppose to work out. I was suppose to go for youth mass choir prac today. I was looking forward to it. REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I wanted to meet dear too, because of our huge tiff. I left a note for dad this morning, to let him know abt it. I asked him if he's buying dinner home today. .....I couldnt find the note anywhere when i came out to eat. I msg him, asked him, he asked me how i was onvolved with the choir. I answered.
HE'S NOT TALKING TO MUM. is tht my fault?????! I wake up and find MORE NOTES from mum, written in blue and red, do this, do that, when you do this, it must be done like this and like tht..please acknowledge with noted or done....*bursting*. Im getting this EVERYDAY. She's fucking obsessed OBSESSED WITH ME.. I notice I do the things she WANTS DONE , and she starts finding MORE MORE MORE things to fault me with. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
The freaking toilet must look freaking spotless, like NO ONE USES IT. Nvm, *breathe* nvm, i tell myself, mum doesn't mean to be like tht, so be it. nvm. I eat branch, and go abt doing basic chores at home. clean this, clear tht, make this, do tht. JUST so tht she's be happy. I'm still sick, so I dont do the heavy duty chores. BUT WEHAT DO I GET FROM MY FATHER???
Since I moved home, EVERY FUCKING DAY, HE MSGS ME AND ASKS " HAVE U MOPPED THE FLOOR TODAY???????" It's nothing wrong u know frankly, not when, i say im sick the first two days, and he gives me the response tht he doesnt believe me. Then TODAY, just one odd hr before i am all relieved and excited to go out, take a breather, he msgs me " have u mopped the floor alreadi?" WHAT? I reply him this " Nope, I'm not well enough yet to physically strain myself." I knew I KNEW WHAT I WAS GONNA GET. Reply " but you're well enuff to go out tonite? I want you to stay home. Don't want you to get worse." *screaming inside me*. FINE. fine. FINE. I'm disappointed, I seriosuly need to take a breather outside this house, but FINE. nvm.
I go abt turning off my lights, turning on my media player, and just want to lie down and sleep it all off. MUM. WHAT DOES MUM DO. More notes for me. She makes a drink for me, I'm too full, i keep it in the fridge in case she scolds me. BUT STILL SHE SCOLDS ME. She says i could have drunk it then. I explain to her, that look mum, I will drink it later, I kept it so u wont scold. BUT I STILL GET SCOLDED, COZ I MUST MUST MUSTTTTT drink it THERE AND THEN. She's cleaning the toilet attached to my room. it's bad enuff she insists that I MUST answer her freaking question in the paper. I didnt hear the doorbell, we got a registered post. My doorbell thing was off in my room. I GET SCOLDED. MY FAULT. OKKK..ok NVM, NVM.
what else then? I WANT TO SLEEP NOW. she scold me, SCOLDS ME THT MY MUSIC IS TOO LOUD. MUST, must i MUST I turn the music on so loud?
I lose all sense of logic. I just can't take it. My father is obsessed with my mum and hence obsesses over what i MUST DO AKA FREAKING MOP THE BLARDY FLOOR, so tht it's done. My MUM obsesses over me. Scrutinises my EVERY MOVE, I can't even make ONE TINY ERROR. Or i'd get screamed at. NICK-- he's so tired, having such a headahce, i'm crying, so frustrated, and he tells me to shut up.
SOMEONE, WON'T SOMEONE LISTEN ME OUT?????????? Can I NOT GO INSANE???????????!
*deep breaths*. I don't know how long more I can take this. no one here really truly cares. Sure they care, sure they love me. So i must do everything rght. But f you if you're crying. F u if u need some breating space. i dont' care.
IT'S NOT like i dont understand dad is vexed up, mum is sick, but I have a tolerance level too...I realli, realli
realli
needed that time out tonite. All I was asking for, was a few hours.
why.
Im not FUCKING seeking attention. So shut up before u decide to tag any rubbish.
...*crying*. I just emailed some of you, I just got some advice from ana, i was JUST feeling that i could handle all this. But TODAY. TODAY RIGHT NOW, I really am at my wits end again.
*looks at my phone* I DONT KNOW WHO TO CALL.
*crying still*. It was all suppose to work out. I was suppose to go for youth mass choir prac today. I was looking forward to it. REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I wanted to meet dear too, because of our huge tiff. I left a note for dad this morning, to let him know abt it. I asked him if he's buying dinner home today. .....I couldnt find the note anywhere when i came out to eat. I msg him, asked him, he asked me how i was onvolved with the choir. I answered.
HE'S NOT TALKING TO MUM. is tht my fault?????! I wake up and find MORE NOTES from mum, written in blue and red, do this, do that, when you do this, it must be done like this and like tht..please acknowledge with noted or done....*bursting*. Im getting this EVERYDAY. She's fucking obsessed OBSESSED WITH ME.. I notice I do the things she WANTS DONE , and she starts finding MORE MORE MORE things to fault me with. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
The freaking toilet must look freaking spotless, like NO ONE USES IT. Nvm, *breathe* nvm, i tell myself, mum doesn't mean to be like tht, so be it. nvm. I eat branch, and go abt doing basic chores at home. clean this, clear tht, make this, do tht. JUST so tht she's be happy. I'm still sick, so I dont do the heavy duty chores. BUT WEHAT DO I GET FROM MY FATHER???
Since I moved home, EVERY FUCKING DAY, HE MSGS ME AND ASKS " HAVE U MOPPED THE FLOOR TODAY???????" It's nothing wrong u know frankly, not when, i say im sick the first two days, and he gives me the response tht he doesnt believe me. Then TODAY, just one odd hr before i am all relieved and excited to go out, take a breather, he msgs me " have u mopped the floor alreadi?" WHAT? I reply him this " Nope, I'm not well enough yet to physically strain myself." I knew I KNEW WHAT I WAS GONNA GET. Reply " but you're well enuff to go out tonite? I want you to stay home. Don't want you to get worse." *screaming inside me*. FINE. fine. FINE. I'm disappointed, I seriosuly need to take a breather outside this house, but FINE. nvm.
I go abt turning off my lights, turning on my media player, and just want to lie down and sleep it all off. MUM. WHAT DOES MUM DO. More notes for me. She makes a drink for me, I'm too full, i keep it in the fridge in case she scolds me. BUT STILL SHE SCOLDS ME. She says i could have drunk it then. I explain to her, that look mum, I will drink it later, I kept it so u wont scold. BUT I STILL GET SCOLDED, COZ I MUST MUST MUSTTTTT drink it THERE AND THEN. She's cleaning the toilet attached to my room. it's bad enuff she insists that I MUST answer her freaking question in the paper. I didnt hear the doorbell, we got a registered post. My doorbell thing was off in my room. I GET SCOLDED. MY FAULT. OKKK..ok NVM, NVM.
what else then? I WANT TO SLEEP NOW. she scold me, SCOLDS ME THT MY MUSIC IS TOO LOUD. MUST, must i MUST I turn the music on so loud?
I lose all sense of logic. I just can't take it. My father is obsessed with my mum and hence obsesses over what i MUST DO AKA FREAKING MOP THE BLARDY FLOOR, so tht it's done. My MUM obsesses over me. Scrutinises my EVERY MOVE, I can't even make ONE TINY ERROR. Or i'd get screamed at. NICK-- he's so tired, having such a headahce, i'm crying, so frustrated, and he tells me to shut up.
SOMEONE, WON'T SOMEONE LISTEN ME OUT?????????? Can I NOT GO INSANE???????????!
*deep breaths*. I don't know how long more I can take this. no one here really truly cares. Sure they care, sure they love me. So i must do everything rght. But f you if you're crying. F u if u need some breating space. i dont' care.
IT'S NOT like i dont understand dad is vexed up, mum is sick, but I have a tolerance level too...I realli, realli
realli
needed that time out tonite. All I was asking for, was a few hours.
why.
posted by melissa at 10/19/2005 08:20:00 PM
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