and she's REALLY LOST again...
I didn't want to wake up today. Too many problems to handle. Now, dad and mum just have all the preconceived ideas of me. The minute they open thier mouths to talk to me, it's always unfriendly and unwelcoming. Mum came home early this morning, after dad left for work. Nick is still having bad tension headaches. I am nursing a bad flu again, alongside my period, an ulcer, and swollen glands.
I postponed the montesorri second interview AGAIN. This time to Wednesday. They aren't very happy, but they still seem very keen on me. Bad thing is, I'll be signing with them for three years. One yr work and study, second and third yr, serve bond. Pay isn't high, and benefits aren't much actually. The other montesorri I was keen on already got somebody. Dope. I called MOE and they will take another week or so to get back to me. If the anser is NO, it's fine, but what if it is a yes? What am i to do?
Today's our 10 mths anniversary. Probably the saddest i've ever had. He only just called me, after the entire day. I just don't know what to do? It was wrong of me to look at his stuff, but This is truly how he feels deep down. If he still loves her, why then does he treat me so well? He's not perfect, but good enuff for me. I've fallen for him, and have forgotten everyone else I used to hold a candle for. I don't even know what to say to him. We've had our own displeasure with each other, but MOST times, it's always because of her. ALWAYS. V-day issue, dinner issue, meeting up with her and lying to me, now, writing to her, preparing poems for her, always asking her if she's free. I don't know what to believe anymore. I want to believe it ain't true. But who am i kidding. I'm not her. I'm not all the things that she is. I'm not the girl he admires. Who am i then? A fill in? I don't want to believe so. Yet, I couldn't bear to fall out with him ob his birthday when i found out. Then I found out yesterday. I can't stop him if he really loves her more than me. I can't do anything to be her. I'm sorry the way I am.
if you were me, would you want to wake up this morning? I wouldn't.
I didn't want to wake up today. Too many problems to handle. Now, dad and mum just have all the preconceived ideas of me. The minute they open thier mouths to talk to me, it's always unfriendly and unwelcoming. Mum came home early this morning, after dad left for work. Nick is still having bad tension headaches. I am nursing a bad flu again, alongside my period, an ulcer, and swollen glands.
I postponed the montesorri second interview AGAIN. This time to Wednesday. They aren't very happy, but they still seem very keen on me. Bad thing is, I'll be signing with them for three years. One yr work and study, second and third yr, serve bond. Pay isn't high, and benefits aren't much actually. The other montesorri I was keen on already got somebody. Dope. I called MOE and they will take another week or so to get back to me. If the anser is NO, it's fine, but what if it is a yes? What am i to do?
Today's our 10 mths anniversary. Probably the saddest i've ever had. He only just called me, after the entire day. I just don't know what to do? It was wrong of me to look at his stuff, but This is truly how he feels deep down. If he still loves her, why then does he treat me so well? He's not perfect, but good enuff for me. I've fallen for him, and have forgotten everyone else I used to hold a candle for. I don't even know what to say to him. We've had our own displeasure with each other, but MOST times, it's always because of her. ALWAYS. V-day issue, dinner issue, meeting up with her and lying to me, now, writing to her, preparing poems for her, always asking her if she's free. I don't know what to believe anymore. I want to believe it ain't true. But who am i kidding. I'm not her. I'm not all the things that she is. I'm not the girl he admires. Who am i then? A fill in? I don't want to believe so. Yet, I couldn't bear to fall out with him ob his birthday when i found out. Then I found out yesterday. I can't stop him if he really loves her more than me. I can't do anything to be her. I'm sorry the way I am.
if you were me, would you want to wake up this morning? I wouldn't.
posted by melissa at 10/17/2005 09:32:00 PM
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