reality hits her again...

-GOING HOME-

Hi guys, the blogger is back. I'm going home this sat =) Back to nick, back to my room, back to changi where jared and daryl reside, where renren isnt too far away, and where expo and all the mad ulu people stay.

But im sad. Im scared. I'm worried.
Yet, I'm relieved, I'm secure again, I'm safe.

dad and mum say no more going out. U all know im not homey. I understand and seriosuly dont midn being home more, but not to the extent of going out onli once or twice a month. God interseed pls.
Dad and mum say dear and i can onli meet on weekends. dear ONLI comes out every other day. That would mean outta three times he comes out, i'll onli see him ONE DAY A WEEK. help me pls. I'm so used to seeing hom much more since we got together. I'm crying inside.
these are the ONLI TWO im so heavy hearted about. I'm actually pretty confident, i wouldnt be a problem at home anymore. But these two weigh me down like rocks.

Yet, im going back, where my paino is, my comp is, my tv is, where i dont have to worry quite much what i wear at home. I dont have to worry about renting a place, and not having enuff money to pay people. Or that i mite have to keepo shifting. No worries abt internet. Dinner and comfort. I wont have to worry that people dont care about me. In fact, now I have my family who cares TONS. At least being home, I know im doing the right thing. As dear says, it's a good thing. I wont regret if smth happens to either dad or mum one day, and i will feel a guilt in me forever. Nick mite not forgive me too

Also, i dont wana keep feeling this sadness in me when i sing prodigal son. I dont wana be a bad girl i guess. I dotn wana be in the limelight, where poeple will look at me with critical eyes. So, as a catholic girl, i do the right thing, and i try my best to follow the sacrements and commandments. What am i to do. i am born catholic. I am a catholic girl, and that makes all the difference. I come from a proper family, i dont have a choice. This is the life God has set otu for me.

However, I also know THINGS WILL BE BETTER. I just need to give them time, to let them trust me again.

I am not in control anymore. Someone, help me.