and she dreams again...

-hopes, and solemn wishes-

I'm keeping my hopes up. Tmr is the night. I must get ta go home. I emplore God's strength again, to really see me through the anticipated moments. I can't do it mby myself. lord, prepare me, help me to stay calm, to be my raw self, look them in the eyes, have no fears, no reservations, NO PRIDE. Help me lord. You have given me enough signs these few months, to show me that what is really important, and the people who matter, are the very loved ones who are blood related. You have put situations in front of me to see, even the cloest of friends or the other half, can leave you any time. But one thing stays. Family. You have taught me, it comes down to one thing, and as much as I am ashamed that i have never wanted to face this truith, it is. Another friend's relative just passed away. I have seen enuff Lord. I understand.

HE has shown me, even through these few trying months, that HE was ALWAYS there for me. He helped me, even though i had gone away from him. That's how much HE loves me. My Lord, thank you. You have shonw me time and time again, U don't leave me stranded. i just worry too much, like any human would. Forgive me for my lack of Faith, Father.

I'm keeping my hopes up, The interview is this wednesday. I'm gonna go there, ready to snatch a position in NIE. However, if in the case that i do not get it, I will not despair. I have found other avenues of jobs, with relation to teaching, and I'm sure I can get smth. My calling, is teaching. I finally found it. =)

Next week is an important week . My dateline is reaching. Harri is still cold-shouldering me. I am disappointed . I hope she sees this post. I thought after talking, she would have put things aside. Maybe I wasn't good at the talk, again. It saddens me. Coz i remember we formed a strong friendship, one that knew no secrets or boundaries. I have lost a friend. again.

Harri, if I head home, with us like this, I am very sad, gurl.

Weiyi. He has also disappointed me. I want NO ONE to misunderstand this statement. It is the friendship I thought had been through every obstacle, and it has probably been one of the best friendships I have formed over my teenage years. But he has disppointed me. To hear from his own gf, my own gd friend, stef, that he ppurposely decided to forget to msg me back. I have excused him a million times, and i doubt this is exageration. Now, even on a soley, purely buddy basis, when a friend passed away, he couldn't veen show some support. I don't know. It may be a misunderstanding at the end of the day, but I'm certainly tired of his irresponsible attitude towards everything else. I hope army teaches him. How do u take care of a girl, if you can't get these things right. Now when I am reminded of him thru people or songs or things, I am no longer happy. I rather not remember.

But with all this said about the above mentioned friends, i am no matter. I point my finger in first, and I know I have alot to improve on. Everyone does.

My friend's dad passed away and was cremated today. I sang for the funeral mass that was weel and proudly attended by many of us, but i couldn't help feeling very sad. My friend didn't have the chance to really be close to his dad. I don't want to make the same misatke. I see people go, i see sadness all around. I see friends go. i cry. I need to start making my life right.

Many people are being taken away by illness, and esp cancer recently. For all who have lost friends, family, this goes out to your loved ones:

May the Choirs of Angels,
Come to Greet you,
May they speed you to Paradise.
May the Lord Enfold you,
in his mercy,
May you find Eternal Life.

I don't know if i should read into this, but i hope it is a sign of acceptance. An unspoken acceptance from mum. I requested she stand next to me tonight, as I sang this song to her. I hate this ong now. Coz it hurts deep down inside of me so bad. This ain';t what a catholic girl should be. I love you mum and dad. I'm sorry. This is for you. each time I sing this, by the second verse, i am crying, just like tonight.

-Prodigal Son-
(v1) Father I have sinned, help me find my way,
remember not my sins, just let me hear u say
Chorus:
I Forgive You, I Love You,
You are Mine, Take my Hand,
Go in Peace, Sin no More, Beloved One.
(v2) Father I have turned, my back and walked away,
depended on my strength, and lived life my own way. (go back to chorus)
(v3) Father I have closed, my heart to those in need,
thought only of myself, a victim of my greed. ( go back to chorus)
(v4) Father, I have loved, if loves the word to use,
I've played so many games, they've left me so confused . (go back to chorus)
(v5) Father, I've returned, I'm HOME with you to stay,
standing by your door, knowing that YOU'LL SAY(go bac to chorus)

Dad, Mum, I'm not perfect, but I will try my best to be. Let me be the best i can be to you from now on. I know I will falter and fall, but please be forgiving and understand me. I need to be home, if not, I know I'm pretty much downhill from here. please, dad, mum, save me. I know you love me. I'm really sorry I have been foolish.

HOME - Michael Buble

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home

It'll all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home