and only God can help us...

Being home the last few days, many things have happened to me. I cried day and night, fearful of many things. I asked God to help. Many things I didn't understand. Many things about staying at her place, I still miss. I'm still very disorientated, but I'm starting to adapt back, though i seriously dont know how i'm gonna manage. I feel very far from dear now.

Nick didnt have to work today, and it was alot easier to bear the loneliness with him ard. Of coz, he still doesnt fill the feeling of having dear ard. But I have to learn to be stronger, if this is gonna be long term. Anyway, i made a few calls and going for interview tmr.

I felt quite alright today, but at times I felt down. i think what made me really sad was observing my dad when he got home today. This is what made me sad.

.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
steffie
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
yeah?
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
today, i psychoed my self when i woke up...
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
about?
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
i remembered everything everyone said, so I felt better...
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
but now, im feeling sad again
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
why.....?
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
you just couldnt accept it?
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
at first i just felt a little weird still, coz im still not used to being back home...tht was this afternoon..and wei msg me said he was on his way home..so i felt..pretty wasted. but when dad got home, and we ate dinner
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
then i observed him and certain things he said to me
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
then i felt awfully low
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
what he sid?
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
said*
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
kk i explain k
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
coz when i was at harriet's , i think i mentioned tht the atmosphere there was much happier, was alot more heck care...more chill
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
but my dad constamtly carries a sad face
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
from work
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
hes tired
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
and my mum simply refused to wake up today, (i understand tht feeling)
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
probably coz i made her upset last nite and she went thinking and thinking today. dad dont blame me im happy le
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
so he asked whether nick or i can mop the house tmr
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
so i sadi nick and i both going out. nick going work, im meeting stef for lunch then going interview
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
uh huh..
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
then he said " i hope you dont intend to go out everyday." i replied " i dont even know whether im allowed to make plans" he said " if u go out everyday who is going to clean the house" then i said.."no. coz tmr im going for a interview"
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
then he said " i hope ure not going for interviews everyday"
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
then i said..i wont lie..but if i still need to find a job rite"
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
and then we didnt say much anymore...
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
oh..
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
i think he's highly stressed..from mum. from mum minding everything
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
and from me being like this
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
im in a difficult position
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
coz im expected to be home to clean house
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
expected to be home for dinner..coz it's family dinner
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
oh..
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
Why is God like this Why does he burden the good people with so many trials
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
oh man...
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
mel...
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
if my mum was healthy, and working, i think everything would be different.
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
it's just so sad
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
and in turn, even if i start working, i realised today, tht my sacrifice is for family. It's as good as saying, I shouldnt have anything else in life..
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
coz it's so unfair to the other party. But Fr simon said during mass, to make the more loving decision
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
haiz
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
oh..
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
the only good thin tht came out of the conversation wth my dad just now, is probably that he hinted i can make my own plans
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
I just realli gotta watch it
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
yeah
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
cos it's like
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
he knows he cant tie you down
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
he just wants you more at home
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
hmmm
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
you dun like to stay home?
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
i dont mind..but im realli not homey
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
im not the sort who can wake up and stay home the whole day
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
i literally lose my mind
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
very quickly
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
like today, at least nick is ard
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
otherwise i cannot tahan
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
and in turn, even if i start working, i realised today, tht my sacrifice is for family. It's as good as saying, I shouldnt have anything else in life..

+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
see wha tyou said
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
for the family...
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
I know
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
i feel very sad
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
dun feel that way lehz...
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
you've been feeling down for so long already
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
It's unfortunate..and this is my fate.
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
is there anything to cheer you up?
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
Only God can make things better.
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
dun dun...
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
it's like you dun wanna end up as this miserable girl rite...
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
I try to paerk myself up
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
but the atmosphere in my home is just too tense, is just too quiet
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
too "dead"
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
I feel this "ya1 li4" on the whole family.
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
I can only pray
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
This feeling was not present at all in her(name not written to protect the party)family
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
feel this what?
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
She has no idea how fortunate she is
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
to have healthy, unburdened parents
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
hmmm
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
yeah lohz
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
and some dun appreciate enough rite
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
pray pray mel
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
rememebr the candle they gave ytd?
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
light it up
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
stay in your room or soemthing
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
and pray in front of it
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
christabelle told me that
+stEfaNiE+ Mrs Moo Moo says:
i think it's not bad
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
I dont have the candle
.:: melmel::. im home. // I'm beginning to understand..why are things so unfortunate? says:
Haha it's way too dangerous to light it uph see..