and she dreams again...
I received an email from ana dear today. Haha, she scolded me about things the way Nick does. Talk about older siblings man.
I know there are some poeple reading my blog and I am not too aware who u all are. But i write anyway, yes? I'm sure you've all noticed.
There are things that I understand, that i have to do, that I ought to do, not so much as a sacrifice, but coz of filial piety. There are things I understand like I shouldn't be selfish, and I remember reasons why I've been restricted to do this and tht, but I can't hold to these "right" ways well at all. I'm not strong, I lack faith, even though it is there, and yes, i go to church, I try to talk it out with God but Ithink he has his reasons for not pushing things any faster. I don't want to be hypocritical, and sure as hell, would want to be a good person in everyone's eyes.
But when you're in the situation itself, I can't emphasize more, how difficult it is to face the situations and deal with them. I promise, I am trying I really am. But I dont' want to have to say so much in detail about what happened at home, like when i woke, or what was said, these sorta things...
I appreciate everyone's effort in advicing, and helping and continue to welcome it, coz I can't do it all by myself. I know u all love me, that's why you read, that's why u write to me, that's why u counsel. I am trying. Some advice I've heard from many people and obviosuly there's truth in it. So, i take it up and I do it, even if I;m not happy. Coz, I know that's the right thing to do. So, now I'm careful with what I do. As long as they are happy, that's impt.
I just hope I can hold on longer. Everything is still messed up. Words and paragraphs aren't gonna be able to describe many things. It'll just come out wrong, coz In the first place, I'm really bad with phrasing, and the state of mind doesn't help. I'm not really thinking when I type right now.
But I'll try, to keep the faith.
Please don't be hard on me. Just pray for me. I will try my best too.
sigh
I received an email from ana dear today. Haha, she scolded me about things the way Nick does. Talk about older siblings man.
I know there are some poeple reading my blog and I am not too aware who u all are. But i write anyway, yes? I'm sure you've all noticed.
There are things that I understand, that i have to do, that I ought to do, not so much as a sacrifice, but coz of filial piety. There are things I understand like I shouldn't be selfish, and I remember reasons why I've been restricted to do this and tht, but I can't hold to these "right" ways well at all. I'm not strong, I lack faith, even though it is there, and yes, i go to church, I try to talk it out with God but Ithink he has his reasons for not pushing things any faster. I don't want to be hypocritical, and sure as hell, would want to be a good person in everyone's eyes.
But when you're in the situation itself, I can't emphasize more, how difficult it is to face the situations and deal with them. I promise, I am trying I really am. But I dont' want to have to say so much in detail about what happened at home, like when i woke, or what was said, these sorta things...
I appreciate everyone's effort in advicing, and helping and continue to welcome it, coz I can't do it all by myself. I know u all love me, that's why you read, that's why u write to me, that's why u counsel. I am trying. Some advice I've heard from many people and obviosuly there's truth in it. So, i take it up and I do it, even if I;m not happy. Coz, I know that's the right thing to do. So, now I'm careful with what I do. As long as they are happy, that's impt.
I just hope I can hold on longer. Everything is still messed up. Words and paragraphs aren't gonna be able to describe many things. It'll just come out wrong, coz In the first place, I'm really bad with phrasing, and the state of mind doesn't help. I'm not really thinking when I type right now.
But I'll try, to keep the faith.
Please don't be hard on me. Just pray for me. I will try my best too.
sigh
posted by melissa at 10/18/2005 08:48:00 PM
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