[EDITED]-pls read extra paragraphs below.
Work, was fun, but, tiring , today
Dear was really sweet. He came over and gave me three of my fav things. One, a light stick from camp, that when ignited, lights for 12 hrs. It's realli nice, and I mentioned it before. He got me another : ) He bought waffle biscuits for me , so tht I have smth to eat after work :P And he bought me the shokubutsu scrub tht ive been thiking of gettin : ] Thank you, dear...He wanted to cheer me up, since the news i told him last nite. I'm vey touched, coz dear has become more devoted, more caring, and it shows as we go along. It shows more now...his eagerness to want to see me, his care, to do little things like these for me,and it means the world to me. He has found his special someone in me, and I ...have found him =] I have found that one person Ive been looking for all my life. The one who would care like none other, the one who would accept me for the way i am, the one who is willing to give up so much for me, to be with me. He hasn't come in the form I always imagined him out to be..but he is simple and lovely.
My heart has been very heavy the last few days. Things have gotten out of hand...and now, i carry a worrie in me, i carry a sadness in me, heavier than before. Tis just isnt funny. However, the complexity of the matter, can't be fully described in words, so I shall not waste my time doing so here. Just noe I'm very sad. Why do these things keep happening. Just gotta keep praying, and try not to think abt it. Coz when I do, tears start to flow out.
Perhaps, another thing making me teary and makes me cry up to now, is a hurt tht hasn't healed. In fact, if anything It's getting worse day by day, esp if i purposely think abt it. It's not tht the hurt is affecting my current love. No, def not...it's a completely seperate issue altogether. But becoz the hurt hasn't healed, and Ive been in such low spirits recently, it's making me feel even worse. How does this kind of hurt heal, when you don't even understand where it came from in the first place? Coz up to now, there's no closure. I have no reasons behind it to understand what even started it. He just won't explain. He just walked out of my life like tht. How much i wish and want to see him, to clarify it all. Coz it really puzzles me.
But I'm so very glad that dear is by my side, no matter how far away, to love me, to be with me...in the process, unconciously help me healthis pain inside. I hope I'll be able to forget this person in time to come. It may take years, even, but the pain is too much. Just too much. Even my previous hurt, doesn't hurt anymoe, finally. I'm just so confused and puzzled by the current one. The worse is even if I choose to forget, the memories can't fade..coz they are like video clips in my head.
But I am fortunate, coz ive found my someone special, to love dearly, and be loved by.
And I always have nick, who may be irritating and fierce sometimes, but when I need a shoulder, a companion to help me thru the nites he's there all the time. I'm so sorry kor, to put u thru things i wish i dont have to...pls dont say im selfish. Ive come to understand that there are certain things I cant help not doing or doing, tht somehow end up involving u and in the process, hurting you. Believe me when I say i dont want to hurt you.
Sorry dudes and dudettes, this entry is very incoherent, and the flow is all over. Uve noticed i havent been updating...thts how sad i am.
All I want for christmas...is to reconcile with him, to have enough money to survive, to be able to stay on here, and nothing else. I don't even crave for any presents this yr. This is the FIRST time in my 20 yrs on earth, that i don't feel the eagerness of receiving presents for xmas... Besides these three sincere wishes, all i want for christmas, is to have dear by my side, be with me during my xmas performances at the Legends, and in church. I just want a lovey xmas, and not one filled with cards and presents anymore. Coz those are only materialistic.
Work, was fun, but, tiring , today
Dear was really sweet. He came over and gave me three of my fav things. One, a light stick from camp, that when ignited, lights for 12 hrs. It's realli nice, and I mentioned it before. He got me another : ) He bought waffle biscuits for me , so tht I have smth to eat after work :P And he bought me the shokubutsu scrub tht ive been thiking of gettin : ] Thank you, dear...He wanted to cheer me up, since the news i told him last nite. I'm vey touched, coz dear has become more devoted, more caring, and it shows as we go along. It shows more now...his eagerness to want to see me, his care, to do little things like these for me,and it means the world to me. He has found his special someone in me, and I ...have found him =] I have found that one person Ive been looking for all my life. The one who would care like none other, the one who would accept me for the way i am, the one who is willing to give up so much for me, to be with me. He hasn't come in the form I always imagined him out to be..but he is simple and lovely.
My heart has been very heavy the last few days. Things have gotten out of hand...and now, i carry a worrie in me, i carry a sadness in me, heavier than before. Tis just isnt funny. However, the complexity of the matter, can't be fully described in words, so I shall not waste my time doing so here. Just noe I'm very sad. Why do these things keep happening. Just gotta keep praying, and try not to think abt it. Coz when I do, tears start to flow out.
Perhaps, another thing making me teary and makes me cry up to now, is a hurt tht hasn't healed. In fact, if anything It's getting worse day by day, esp if i purposely think abt it. It's not tht the hurt is affecting my current love. No, def not...it's a completely seperate issue altogether. But becoz the hurt hasn't healed, and Ive been in such low spirits recently, it's making me feel even worse. How does this kind of hurt heal, when you don't even understand where it came from in the first place? Coz up to now, there's no closure. I have no reasons behind it to understand what even started it. He just won't explain. He just walked out of my life like tht. How much i wish and want to see him, to clarify it all. Coz it really puzzles me.
But I'm so very glad that dear is by my side, no matter how far away, to love me, to be with me...in the process, unconciously help me healthis pain inside. I hope I'll be able to forget this person in time to come. It may take years, even, but the pain is too much. Just too much. Even my previous hurt, doesn't hurt anymoe, finally. I'm just so confused and puzzled by the current one. The worse is even if I choose to forget, the memories can't fade..coz they are like video clips in my head.
But I am fortunate, coz ive found my someone special, to love dearly, and be loved by.
And I always have nick, who may be irritating and fierce sometimes, but when I need a shoulder, a companion to help me thru the nites he's there all the time. I'm so sorry kor, to put u thru things i wish i dont have to...pls dont say im selfish. Ive come to understand that there are certain things I cant help not doing or doing, tht somehow end up involving u and in the process, hurting you. Believe me when I say i dont want to hurt you.
Sorry dudes and dudettes, this entry is very incoherent, and the flow is all over. Uve noticed i havent been updating...thts how sad i am.
All I want for christmas...is to reconcile with him, to have enough money to survive, to be able to stay on here, and nothing else. I don't even crave for any presents this yr. This is the FIRST time in my 20 yrs on earth, that i don't feel the eagerness of receiving presents for xmas... Besides these three sincere wishes, all i want for christmas, is to have dear by my side, be with me during my xmas performances at the Legends, and in church. I just want a lovey xmas, and not one filled with cards and presents anymore. Coz those are only materialistic.
posted by melissa at 11/30/2005 04:05:00 AM
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