~...Happiness is when u r light hearted, yr feet walks the righteous path, your hand does acts that bring joy to the pple you love... ( quote of the day)
: ) I have solo parts for xmas pagent!! =) So, on Xmas eve night, i will be in church. I wont be caroling already, as i will be needed for the 8pm and 11pm pagents. I AM SOLOING! : ) wohoo..with weiyi also. thts nice, man.
Tonight's prac was kewl. =) I had a GODO night........... BUT.
dad fucking ruined it, with shouting at me like some mad......
i m boiling inside, not becoz he shouted at me for not doing smth i have been told to do many times ( switch off comp switches after use), but becoz of mum's continuous obsession with me..Nick says i have a BAD attitude, and this will carry on to work life. I didnt say anything. I dont wana make him more angry, so i kept quiet. But wow mum insists on her way too, how ironic,he say if i do this at work, i will kena..okk...but i wonder then if mum was working, WHAT would happen to her then? will she insist on hr way? NO WADD...coz ure at work wad. So dont say my theory abt home is home and work is work doesnt make one bit of sense coz it still does.
JUST yesterday, i was talking to chris late late late at nite after she got home..and i could very calmly tell her: basically i know why they are angry with me, coz i dont do things their way, and i dont fit into what they want..i dont listen..if i did...everything would be smooth, but not to my conscience. The way i said it, i understood, and she said I was mature to at least be able to tell her tht.Why this was brought up, wasnt on purpose, but becoz she said her mum told her to go have fun when she went pubbing last nite (a very rare thing for her). and she couldnt understand why her mum let her, and said tht to her. I said, it's like how mum and dad treat nick. COMPLETE trust and know tht u can take care of yrself. She said " wow' mel the fact tht u understand tht says smth". ( not her exact words). So thts when i told her, i just dont display tht kind of responsibilty in front of them, or self discipline or anything becoz i had long ago, decided tht it's pointless to go on trying to prove and earn tht trust and approval from them. Coz there's this self fulfiling prophecy going on already, and as much as we love each other, there's this hate as well.
I did notice and was very touched when mum left her new dish and soup for me to try when i got home tht nite. And i wasnt even back home from work. (it wasnt like i lied). I was home from church meeting. This week many times i tot of mopping the floor, but never did, and i think dad must be FUMING inside. mon, wed, thur i went out..i tot of doing on tues before work or fri..but the days tht i wana do, i always end up feeling tired or sick. NOT on purpose.
At the back of my head, im worried abt cash, bills, my new job and whether it suits me, how im gonna cope, but also abt the shifting thing. Chris keeps reminding me, to start planning, JUST in case dad and mum do ask me to shift. I havent been in the mood to tok to nick abt this,coz this will onli upset both of us, but when the time comes we'll have to. Chris says to ask dad and mum abt it, whether they are serious. I told her, im hoping by some miracle, they'll forget and it'll never happen. But i know my parents. These kinda things, they wont forget. They'll Put up ( why i say this..becoz they cant stand most of me) with me till end jan, and then sit me down and one of those conversations or "confrences" will happen. and then dad will ask me what have i done in the past months to deserve a place in this house, and becoz i can forsee i'll just not do anything, i'll be asked to leave, or to be able to live here, with my room and nick, i have to pay the price of their ruling. Realli, if it was so simple, i would do so pple. So i dont know, let's wait and see?? I told chris it's not tht i don't want to plan, but thinking abt ti now, aint gonna help.
Guess i just dont wana face it. full stop. I have enough on my mind already.
BTW. my line might get cut, or i mite not be able to call out. so will let u all know if i have a pre paid card. PAY coming in soon. hope to settle bills soon! and buy nick's and dear's xmas pressie!!!!! : )
Dear, we're one yr this dec 17th...r u happy? : ) I cant wait to wish u dear!
r u happy?
Im just wondering why u didnt tell me u were going out otday. It's quite interesting. after a yr, i think we both know when we each need space to ourselves, and im always for it, tht much u know. but i tot u would at least tell me before u went out tht, u were going to. I wasnt sure how to react, even though u told me later...oh wells...u didnt get my usual morning msg..so before i woke, i receoved yrs...but even then i realli didnt know what u were doing today...ten again, last nite neither f us said gd nite, or asked abt each other..i think we were quite sian of each other last nite...today.....i didnt know what to say.....i know this is weird...i know this is a funny request...but.......dear, can i just ask u to tell me HOW much u love me? i just need to know. NOW. im an idiot, i know...sorry....i mean, DUH i know and it shows how much u care..but i donnoe..i just need you to tell me.
: ) I have solo parts for xmas pagent!! =) So, on Xmas eve night, i will be in church. I wont be caroling already, as i will be needed for the 8pm and 11pm pagents. I AM SOLOING! : ) wohoo..with weiyi also. thts nice, man.
Tonight's prac was kewl. =) I had a GODO night........... BUT.
dad fucking ruined it, with shouting at me like some mad......
i m boiling inside, not becoz he shouted at me for not doing smth i have been told to do many times ( switch off comp switches after use), but becoz of mum's continuous obsession with me..Nick says i have a BAD attitude, and this will carry on to work life. I didnt say anything. I dont wana make him more angry, so i kept quiet. But wow mum insists on her way too, how ironic,he say if i do this at work, i will kena..okk...but i wonder then if mum was working, WHAT would happen to her then? will she insist on hr way? NO WADD...coz ure at work wad. So dont say my theory abt home is home and work is work doesnt make one bit of sense coz it still does.
JUST yesterday, i was talking to chris late late late at nite after she got home..and i could very calmly tell her: basically i know why they are angry with me, coz i dont do things their way, and i dont fit into what they want..i dont listen..if i did...everything would be smooth, but not to my conscience. The way i said it, i understood, and she said I was mature to at least be able to tell her tht.Why this was brought up, wasnt on purpose, but becoz she said her mum told her to go have fun when she went pubbing last nite (a very rare thing for her). and she couldnt understand why her mum let her, and said tht to her. I said, it's like how mum and dad treat nick. COMPLETE trust and know tht u can take care of yrself. She said " wow' mel the fact tht u understand tht says smth". ( not her exact words). So thts when i told her, i just dont display tht kind of responsibilty in front of them, or self discipline or anything becoz i had long ago, decided tht it's pointless to go on trying to prove and earn tht trust and approval from them. Coz there's this self fulfiling prophecy going on already, and as much as we love each other, there's this hate as well.
I did notice and was very touched when mum left her new dish and soup for me to try when i got home tht nite. And i wasnt even back home from work. (it wasnt like i lied). I was home from church meeting. This week many times i tot of mopping the floor, but never did, and i think dad must be FUMING inside. mon, wed, thur i went out..i tot of doing on tues before work or fri..but the days tht i wana do, i always end up feeling tired or sick. NOT on purpose.
At the back of my head, im worried abt cash, bills, my new job and whether it suits me, how im gonna cope, but also abt the shifting thing. Chris keeps reminding me, to start planning, JUST in case dad and mum do ask me to shift. I havent been in the mood to tok to nick abt this,coz this will onli upset both of us, but when the time comes we'll have to. Chris says to ask dad and mum abt it, whether they are serious. I told her, im hoping by some miracle, they'll forget and it'll never happen. But i know my parents. These kinda things, they wont forget. They'll Put up ( why i say this..becoz they cant stand most of me) with me till end jan, and then sit me down and one of those conversations or "confrences" will happen. and then dad will ask me what have i done in the past months to deserve a place in this house, and becoz i can forsee i'll just not do anything, i'll be asked to leave, or to be able to live here, with my room and nick, i have to pay the price of their ruling. Realli, if it was so simple, i would do so pple. So i dont know, let's wait and see?? I told chris it's not tht i don't want to plan, but thinking abt ti now, aint gonna help.
Guess i just dont wana face it. full stop. I have enough on my mind already.
BTW. my line might get cut, or i mite not be able to call out. so will let u all know if i have a pre paid card. PAY coming in soon. hope to settle bills soon! and buy nick's and dear's xmas pressie!!!!! : )
Dear, we're one yr this dec 17th...r u happy? : ) I cant wait to wish u dear!
r u happy?
Im just wondering why u didnt tell me u were going out otday. It's quite interesting. after a yr, i think we both know when we each need space to ourselves, and im always for it, tht much u know. but i tot u would at least tell me before u went out tht, u were going to. I wasnt sure how to react, even though u told me later...oh wells...u didnt get my usual morning msg..so before i woke, i receoved yrs...but even then i realli didnt know what u were doing today...ten again, last nite neither f us said gd nite, or asked abt each other..i think we were quite sian of each other last nite...today.....i didnt know what to say.....i know this is weird...i know this is a funny request...but.......dear, can i just ask u to tell me HOW much u love me? i just need to know. NOW. im an idiot, i know...sorry....i mean, DUH i know and it shows how much u care..but i donnoe..i just need you to tell me.
posted by melissa at 12/10/2005 01:28:00 AM
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