I really hate feeling confused. I really hate when confusions are already so messy and I am not even sure the reasons behind these confusions. I hate it when Im at a point that I have to make decisions, and I just don't want to. Some things just need time. i can't rationalise like this. Not at the demands of even myself.

I hate it when there are things i just have to handle myself, and thinking abt it really can drive me crazy. I can't even tell dear, because..it would involve him as well. Agh, I hope this 'goes off" soon.

....neways, I spent the day with dear, as he had off : ) Yay. Maybe tmr he mite also not have detail, bud he still had to bk in tonigjt, coz of new ruling. He has been getting very bad mosquito bites and it's worrying me.

I was REALLY quite popular today, I MUST SAY : ) *WINKS*. If dear didn't have a day off, i would have been spedning my day with either of these individuals!!: Christine (for her mediacal checkups), Shawn, (if he had off), Pat, (If I really had no one to hang with), or Ivy (who callled me during the day). ALL OF THEM asked me if I was free today ..HAHA oh man. I was so muddle headed, coz I had to turn them all down. I felt so bad, I kept thinking abt it the entire day! But somehow, I hope to make it up to each of them soon. SOMEHOW. haiz. Time constraints...geesh, even though im like so free.
HAHA. But this week, i actually have quite ALOT of choir stuff going on., wed and fri i have two practices for caroling and pagent. Sat, two weddings. Sun Im cantoring. WOWWOWWHEE. hahaa.

Just a thought to share: When yr heart softens for someone at any point, and u say or do the wrong things..u can get yrself into a lot of shitte. YAR....i think all of us tend to be afraid of tht.

...hmm...ive been thinking abt alot of things lately, i suppose u can tell..since i keep writing stuiff to sugguest so, but am just so uncomfortable writing any details out. Just hope things become clear to me soon. Emm...sometimes i wish i knew what my future is...just so i can decide right now. AHAHAAA...if onli.

IN SHORT. I am troubled. Pretty hurt still by the past, and not sure, very uncertain of my future in terms of everything. And also, i hope I dont have to shift out, even though tht would mean free and easy..but without nick ard...but i know as hell, im making them more and more upset...but everytime i wish i dont have to..it's quite complex to explain.

Work tmr..haiz..another probelm. EVerytime something happens at work, i et these EYES staring back at me when i come for my next shift...i hope tmr will go ok..esp if PAT isnt gonna be ard..oh man