I'm under the weather today.
Not well, heart is heavy, and no mood for anything.
I'm carrying too much baggage with me.
Not evrn my bro can/will be able to understand it.
Coz it's me. I've just got so much on my mind. As much as I'm unwell today, there are some friends I really wana meet up with now. If dear was ard, i just wana go to the beach with him, and lie down on the sand with him. Don't care abt what time of the day it is, like last time. But everyone's not ard for me anymore, save for dear i love so much.

Mum is not well, again, and I highly suspect it's becoz of me.
Dad will be home anytime soon, with dinner bought.
Pat asked me out for dinner tonight. For a change, I wish I could've just not bothered abt anything else, and said yes. Have dinner with someone completely out of my circle. Where are the peeps in my circle anyway? I'm not being accusing, or putting blame on anyone, at least not exactly. I know some of them, honestly are busy with other things now. I miss my stef too.

It's been three days, and I still can't ut my mind to practising my jam songs for tmr nite. I gotta sleep early tonite, work is 7am tomorrow.

I think he had planned and decided long ag, to forget me, to erase me, to release me , to exit from my life. I dont know how one can plan tht. I know it's possible. Wouldn't tht have hurt so much? And for this blurr girl here, to have noticed it so much later, and try hard to get him back, i hope must have hurt him more. I say hope, becoz if is what I wana believe. Coz if he was cold abt the whole thing, tht will be harder to acept.So, for me to say that I wana "leave" now, maybe is a td too late, coz he already "left" long ago.

I think i should make an announcement now. I've been wanting to say this for very long, and it's been on my mind for the longest time. As long as I have the measn to, I will do this. If I have a break before NIE next yr, I am definitely, no doubt abt it, going for a holiday. A really long, overdue holiday. I wana go with dear to Melbourne. Not too far away, and not totally unknown place to me. I've been to Gold coast, but I wana go to Melbourne> dear knows the place well, and we both have friends who live there. Namely, Seand and Jean's family lives there, His aunty, Michelle, lives there. Meliza will be studying there, and so will Joyce, (though tht is tasmania), and I don't care so much anymore. i must go. I need to be away from this place, a long enuff break. I'll go, for a month even, if I can. I really really have wanted it for so long. I don't want to keep having so many considerations, for this person or tht. Consequences to this matter, is something I already brushed aside, long ago. Control me, throughout my life, say things abt me, anyone, pls..but this holiday, is a reprieve I'm dying to have. Somewhrere new, somewhere fresh, somewhere, where i can leave this baggae aside for a while, and have some fun there.

Dear Harri, Dear, Rene, Weiyi, Stef, Joyce, tinybox friends, emage friends, poly friends, schl friends, chruch friends..i miss u all.
Nick has been realli funny these two days. prob coz he knows im not too cheerful, he's been doing all sorts of things to cheer me up. haha, thanks nick. I haven't forgotten u yah. Love u