I was at breaking point, but I was very blessed,that help came. Charles and dear really helped me back onto my two feet, at the very very last minute, so now i'm still gnna have a place t stay. No doubt alone, but now priorities are completely changed. I'm gonna find work quickly, and I pray God sees me thrugh my tries, that there will be an available vacancy in any f the places i try out for. I will survive, and have enough at the end of each month. I will be online much lesser, as where im going to, has no internet or comp even. It's a lousy feeling of coz, but no point crying abt it anymore right.It definitely hurts, and i wrote a song just playing c, em, f, and g chord today. Think i was playing the tune of creep. Im not sure, haha. Buty it was a good cry. After singing, (or croaking) it ut, i felt better. i promise myself, tht this period of time and adjustment, i will get through. i don't have to go to church, to know and pray to god that he'll be with me. But while I perhaps work on a sunday, or sit quietly at my new place, I'm sure he will be with me.
I fear loneliness, and this will challenge my wil power. I know I'll get to talk t everyone alot lesser. but i'm not afraid. this might just allow me to focus more on learning guitar, def since i'll only have tht instrument left. Or reading bks! I will pack my bks haha.
I have to go home, and pack up tmr, and leave. no looking back. i have cried nights over it, and felt such fear in me the last couple of days, I don't want to face that anymore. it is too late to regret, or try to turn things back. I will love them always nnetheless.
But im gnna be away for a long time. Just call my phone. Hpefully it'll still be working. Mail me at the same address. I'll just get the mails whenever need be.
i have to be respnsible for my own actions, and bear with whatever comes. because that is what an adult should do. I cant rely on anyone. Not even family friends, can help, and tht's perfectly understandable.
I'm glad I still have the few guys or gal left, to see me through this. i'll be fine : )
I msg Sam to tell him abt my absence from choir for now. I can't g back now. I'm not ready. He was not only understanding, he said he'd never abandon me. But I'm not gonna go to him. This isn't his worry.


...."coz im a creep..... im a fighter..."