A gd day at church, despite my (personally i feel) horrendous cantoring). I had a gd dinner with lisa, sammie, nick and nick, jared, charlene, small jon and tammy. It was good hanging out with them after church again. We had drinks after at macs.. haaha "shen qian" heh. Then we did our usual two cabs home. Only we do tht man heheheh. Im gonna stay over with kor next weekend!!! yay!!!! : )

Im cantoring for the wedding mass this sat...let's hope i dont ruin it ok? hHAH

Back to work.. I hope things go well ... wed have retreat meeting at tam's again...thus fr luke's farewell dinner at church...tues mite meet claire... wonder what i'd be doing rest of the week.

I got home and started singing songs.. some of the stuff I want to work on for my gig. Im so happy. My voice is back. My drive to sing is back. It feels like a piece of me has found its way back somehow. I hope it stays, and work wont take it away from me again.

I was alright most of the day, but during choir, some of the songs we sang got me a bit sniffy again. Memories of his smile, his laughter, me gg over to his place, him asking me what i wanted to eat, me tickling him and his reactions, his funny dancing, suddenly came back to me in all of a min. It was quite a painful happy sad feeling.Ok, mostly piercing. I realised I can no longer really remember what it feels like standing sitting lying next to him..i can no longer really remember how it felt holding his hand... its been a bit too long since ive really met him. Yet it still hurts the same as the day he told he he didnt want me anymore(or rather i had to firgure it out myself). I wondered where all tht love went to.
I miss him, and im not pining or anything. Its just hard, to stop loving someone when u truly did love tht someone.

It pisses me off, tht here i am, hurting, and there he is, getting to know new girls, having feelings for tht bitch, and like as if it was all planned. I can't tand tht he seems to feel zilch at all, and tht it very hurting. It pisses me off tht he says he doesnt want another relationship, tht he wants to work on his music, tht he has o time for this sorta thing, tht he will resist anymore of these temptations for girls, and on the other hand says stuff like he wonders what it feels like to turn his hand thur her hair the way he said abt be one and a half yrs ago. fuck. he msg me tonite. I dont know whether to be happy, angry, confused, amused, annoyed, bewildered, or wad. But why the fuck do u think i wana noe all tht shit??? Im not interested, sorry. Stop acting like u appreciate me returning yr stuff. I dont give a fuck abt tht. And i wasnt at cityhall on friday. stop pretending to make conversation.

I dont know. I wasnt this angry just now. But u write the most hurtful things. When my anger has gone, and onky hurt is left, u fuel it again. Tehn i cant help but think back on all the things tht showed tht u never really loved me.

Im just so upset.

Was at cartel for dinner, and as I promised, chatted with pat a bit. I think he was happy tht i kept my promise. It was good to see him again and some of the staff, thoguth the few bithces were there too. Yea. ok, thts abt all.

I think Im liks jus (justicia). Everytime i find myself in siglap again and alot of memories stay in siglap too. Oh well.

Moving onto a new week ahead.

I think I will see much lesser of all those jamming studios from now on. I think I will be at penin alot lesser from now on. I think also tht stopping gramophone was definitely the right thing to do. I feel much happier doing smth not related to memories of him and smth regular which gives me back my nites and weekends.

I really need a holiday. if only i could afford one. Char has been to thailand this yr, jus to hong kong, soon the gang is gg to puket, harri went to malacca so many tiems last yr and bangkok too, i have friends in aussie studying or holidaying. Im STILL STUCK HERE. I really want a gd holiday. Auisse is a nono now.

Nite.