on us..., over a bottle of corona beer with lemon.
Every once in a while, I will read back on entires dear wrote from the time he was 16, to the first month that he knew me. I was very impressed with the way he wrote, and the way he looked at selective things about life. ( not neccesarily bad). But sometimes I wonder if we really took it too fast, though at that time we really didn't think so. It was passion and alot of fire, if you know what I mean. I have never regretted my decision, but I wonder how different things would have been if I didn't decide on holding hands that day one yr ago. We were both a wreck (with regards to affairs of the heart), now that i know more than I intitally did. I think we both honestly needed like at least half a year more, to have decided on moving on with each other.
We've had really good times, but also really rocky ones. Every so often, esp now, I always get the vibe that we're ending. i think there's been alot of misnunderstanding between both of us, throughout our months together. There were alot of fears, disappointments, but also alot of suprises, discoveries, happy moments and memorable days, where I felt like I could be with him for the rest of my life.
Just as I mentioned, there were also days I wondered what was happening, and what we ere doing to and with each other. I read back to his entry, and he was honestly so happy when we first got together. I feel like I've taken away whatever idealism he had about love and the perfect girl for him. Which young girl or boy wouldnt want a nice dude or dudette by the person's side, spend time with each other and do the craziest things? I did too. I still wish I had.
I think there was miscommunication and honesty wasn't completely in our relationship. It was half there and half not. Trust too. We both worked hard at it, and still are, but now, the slightest negative thing causes either oen of us to be so upset with the whole situation. I don't know how wrong we could get. I can't be her, angie, risse, vera, widya, vass, or any of the other girls he used to like or fancy. And he will never be him, sean, shaun, shawn, nicholas, eric,maurice, gabriel or any of the guys i used to like.
My theory is: God sends u someone to love you, and to love, and the person often will be far from yr ideal..but if ure meant to be with each other, somehow throughout time with each other, the person forms and changes to be yr ideal. U make the person yr ideal one tht God put both of u together to be. And if in the process, both parties don't form to become the ideal one, then ure not meant for each other.
Sometimes also in life, we will never know if any change in out timing of studies, or any other thing, could have made the difference with who we would have neded up being with. Like dear said angie was someone else's, and tht meant he had to move on, way back in sec schl. What if I, too, didn't go to kc, and ended up in tksec like I originally planned to? These things will never be answered.
I am not sure how many more blows dear or i can take, but if we really wana be together, I know the road for us is gonna be far from smooth, and we can only work hrtd together, for each other, and for ourselves, to make it s rockless as possible. I think we have both made a decision already, and sometimes even time can't undo these decisions. We have spent a yr together, and whatever it is now, it is. Though, I wish as hell, that I could go back to one yr ago, and change everything that has happened in the last yr, for the better.
But we know everything the happens, is for a reason yet to be revealed to us. We just gotta learn to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes, and make sure we dont keep falling back to them.
So what is it gonna be like? I'm keeping a positive and occupied mind. I hope he can too. And if God really doesn't want us together, I'll either get hopping mad/upset over smth i find again, or smth will happen that will this time, and the last time, cause us towalk down two different paths. We shall see. Time will tell.
But for what it's worth now, I love him, and really pray that there will be complete honesty, trust, love, respect and faithfullness to each other.
What's past is past. No point dwelling on what happened but focus on the now, and the future.
Grove on everybirdy.
Every once in a while, I will read back on entires dear wrote from the time he was 16, to the first month that he knew me. I was very impressed with the way he wrote, and the way he looked at selective things about life. ( not neccesarily bad). But sometimes I wonder if we really took it too fast, though at that time we really didn't think so. It was passion and alot of fire, if you know what I mean. I have never regretted my decision, but I wonder how different things would have been if I didn't decide on holding hands that day one yr ago. We were both a wreck (with regards to affairs of the heart), now that i know more than I intitally did. I think we both honestly needed like at least half a year more, to have decided on moving on with each other.
We've had really good times, but also really rocky ones. Every so often, esp now, I always get the vibe that we're ending. i think there's been alot of misnunderstanding between both of us, throughout our months together. There were alot of fears, disappointments, but also alot of suprises, discoveries, happy moments and memorable days, where I felt like I could be with him for the rest of my life.
Just as I mentioned, there were also days I wondered what was happening, and what we ere doing to and with each other. I read back to his entry, and he was honestly so happy when we first got together. I feel like I've taken away whatever idealism he had about love and the perfect girl for him. Which young girl or boy wouldnt want a nice dude or dudette by the person's side, spend time with each other and do the craziest things? I did too. I still wish I had.
I think there was miscommunication and honesty wasn't completely in our relationship. It was half there and half not. Trust too. We both worked hard at it, and still are, but now, the slightest negative thing causes either oen of us to be so upset with the whole situation. I don't know how wrong we could get. I can't be her, angie, risse, vera, widya, vass, or any of the other girls he used to like or fancy. And he will never be him, sean, shaun, shawn, nicholas, eric,maurice, gabriel or any of the guys i used to like.
My theory is: God sends u someone to love you, and to love, and the person often will be far from yr ideal..but if ure meant to be with each other, somehow throughout time with each other, the person forms and changes to be yr ideal. U make the person yr ideal one tht God put both of u together to be. And if in the process, both parties don't form to become the ideal one, then ure not meant for each other.
Sometimes also in life, we will never know if any change in out timing of studies, or any other thing, could have made the difference with who we would have neded up being with. Like dear said angie was someone else's, and tht meant he had to move on, way back in sec schl. What if I, too, didn't go to kc, and ended up in tksec like I originally planned to? These things will never be answered.
I am not sure how many more blows dear or i can take, but if we really wana be together, I know the road for us is gonna be far from smooth, and we can only work hrtd together, for each other, and for ourselves, to make it s rockless as possible. I think we have both made a decision already, and sometimes even time can't undo these decisions. We have spent a yr together, and whatever it is now, it is. Though, I wish as hell, that I could go back to one yr ago, and change everything that has happened in the last yr, for the better.
But we know everything the happens, is for a reason yet to be revealed to us. We just gotta learn to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes, and make sure we dont keep falling back to them.
So what is it gonna be like? I'm keeping a positive and occupied mind. I hope he can too. And if God really doesn't want us together, I'll either get hopping mad/upset over smth i find again, or smth will happen that will this time, and the last time, cause us towalk down two different paths. We shall see. Time will tell.
But for what it's worth now, I love him, and really pray that there will be complete honesty, trust, love, respect and faithfullness to each other.
What's past is past. No point dwelling on what happened but focus on the now, and the future.
Grove on everybirdy.
posted by melissa at 11/06/2005 02:35:00 AM
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