Cried the whole night. Used whatever I could to vent my anger. Harri was with me through it all, and I cannot begin to tell u how much that meant--the support, just being there with me thru the whole night. I cudnt sleep. it was another sleepless overnite with her. My mind on him, on us, on my new job, and on a place to find.

I was eating ice cream, and remembered all the times we bought ice cream together, and ate ice cream together. How we'd feed each other, and how he liked certain flavours. The tv shows we watched together. The way I felt so secure those times. Definitely hurt, turned to anger, and anger turned to exhaustion, but I still codulnt sleep. Harri stayed up with me all night. I think im very sad, rather angry but yet dont blame him, to a certain extent. what perfect timing though. I still love him. But whats the pt of hanging on if he doesnt want me anymore. If he thinks tht i can be stronger without him. Im a nobody's child now. I live, for myself, and the group of friends whoa re supporting me all the way.

It has been a hard morning. But Harriet needed to go meet simon. Ive been at her place, online..and resting...gonna make my way back to tampines tonight, and get some more rest if it's possible. I have two more days before work starts, and I don't know but I have to keep pushing on.

I was very stressed about a place to stay this morning, but friends have been much too kind and helpful. Something I cudnt be complacent about. All the people ive contacted since monday night, ahve been helping me to search for rooms to rent, and friends places etc. It hasnt been easy, but im still at it. However, I am at the moment happier, because i think I have more or less settled on a place, and it's free..talk about friends in need. It's in bukit timah, it's not exactly a place place, but I'll have internet access. It's just 45 mins away from work at most. Thank God for bus 48.

So maybe now things are picking up again. I await charles return, and then I'll shift. if i can shift earlier, I'll do it. What for trouble him. He's already done so much for me. If not I wudnt have a temp place now to hold up. wei actually never really helped in tht area, even though he knew i needed to fhit again..i wudnt know. Maybe he did.

But I wana apologise to him, if i'd done him wrong, or made him unhappy, etc. Coz the one I love still is him, and if he felt less worthy than other friends, i really should apologise then. But after so much together, I didnt think he'd give up on me again. I didnt think he wud initiate this again.

Well. Let's see where the next wind brings me.