he has shifted house today. i no longer know where to look for him. it's like the beginning of his annonymity to me. hes started ignoring me too. any question related to us, he just doesnt ans. not smth new actually. im not angry abt it. im upset. i just wish i cud talk to him abt all this. but maybe there isnt anything left to talk abt?? i feel tht i really wasnt worth much.-----yes. it is hurting very very badly. VERY. i try to put on this strong front and smile, and tell myself it's over, tht i need to forget and all tht shit, but inside no matter whatever happened, i still love him. i still very much want to be with him. but. where has tht left me?

all my close friends are all busy. busy with their own lives. im busy with work, but the times tht im free, aint so convenient for them. charles has been great support. He came down to parkway today, (as i was asked to help out there today instead of at scotts), and i kinda mentioned it to him, coz i brought his creative player along. i knew he wanted it back badly. But he gave me a little surprise and turned up at parkway's outlet. : ) Tht was very nice of him. it's nice to see a familiar face, esp tht of a gd fren, at work. I also had two customers who were from my church.

I am trying hard not to be a burden to my friends. so instead of calling, i end up crying to myself. cry and then sleep it off. cry and then continue work. cry and then quickly wipe them off before someone else sees me. nexzt day wake up, and go to work.
I miss him so much. i miss him, so stupidly much. what the fuck for?? : (

work at parkway was busy busy today. but i was so lost, coz the system and culture there, other than the fact tht the store is huge, is really different. Too busy, not good. too sian also not good hahahaha. Work is just work. nothing more to it. I wondered, if he mite pop by, since he does go to parkway's branch. Why have i become so pathetic?

i really want a more fulfiling job, smth regular, yet interesting. smewhere i'd get to know nice people. i want to go back to my church activities and busy myself. i wana recover and audition and gig somewhere. But I NEED THT RIGHT JOB FIRST. then i can earn more and everything will slowly fall in place. now this job takes up all my time.; cant do anything else. but it'll do for the moment. It isnt helping me forget him tho. coz it's the one place he loves to go. but for now, it'll pay for my stuff. so yarr. fuck.

im damn tired. at godbro's tonite.. gg to charles and chris church later.... gd nite.

i look forward to church at my own as well tmr. we have a special programme for choir tmr apparently.

gtg now.

i hope he'll talk one day. : ( bye.