and she dreams again...
-Last night, and today-
Haha,. after crying last night, I asked dear to call me, so that it would stop me from crying...Aiz, just one of those nites when i couldn't control myself, and tiredness got to me. After that it was madness! After toking to dear, Clarence called. ARGH. gotta entertain him..Bo-bian. Knew him thru Jayne..coz of one of the previous job offers. Then Ren called after reaching home. :) So happy he's home, safely. Amelia called me next, and we closed the conversationa ard 1+am. I bathed, ate, prepared my breakfast, as usual, and headed back to me room. Next, korkor came online. He fought with mum, and mum was being real difficult AGAIN. Haiz. When I heard what happened, i just wanted to "run". That same feeling came back. The resentment of hearing the way she complained about things, and worrying abt things that didn't concern her.
MUM AH. WHY. Kor had to take it all again, and mum hurt him. I'm quite pissed off about it, coz korkor is nothing near disloyal, or un-trustworthy. It's just not fair to him. having said this much, I knew kor kept certain feelings to himself, and for that, I wana apologise publickly kor. I don't know why you seem destined to always be middle man, mediator, and the one who has to put up with unfairness. You have it in you, to tolerate,and i totally am awed by it. But I just don't have it. Yet, you're human, too. I know you have your own limits, and mum crossed it last night. I'm sorry kor. I really cannot imagine how much more you have to put up with now that I'm not physically around at home. A part of me though, still knows it's better I am also not there to add to the fire, like I always do.
I'm worried for mum,don't know if her condition is worsenning or getting better. I pray that God takes care of mum for all of us.
Today, I took cab to work AGAIN. haiyoyo. Lucky boss late. HWAHWA. Again, no customers. Onli a few walk-in customers. KORKOR dropped by!!!! *___^. Hee..shoo happiizzz... i made very lovely cards today! I kinda outdone myself, and realli was quite pleased with myself. I met up with Jonnie Fokky for lunch near our work place. We talked and all. I ate some finger good and headed home. Don't know why I'd been feeling so tired. Always get headache when i go home. I slept the min i came home, for four hours straight. Now I'm up typing my blog, and will be heading back to sleep.
Kk, that's all for now. I gotta get down to practising my songs for the upcoming events le, and give Smelia my songlist. oh man..so many things, so little time!
I'm tired and quite irriatated with all the "Mel, pliz go home can?" statements. I told u, STOP bugging me about it. The more u say, the more irritated I get, despite the fact that i know you care and love me as friends...all of you do. But, if everyone is gonna persistenly do this, I'm gonna stop going choir alreadi KK. argh. Please...I have heard practicarly, EVERYTHING u guys have to say., i know well enuff what's going on. I know..all yr concerns, and everything. How would I not know better? Than kor and myself?? PLIZ, stop bugging both of us. PLIZ. I dont care too much, what any of you think, on the other hand you know. In a way. Go think what u want, coz realli, I dont wana sound arrogant, but respect my wishes, my reasoning and what i deem best for now. UNDERSTAND?...
I'm as complicated as I can get k. I know there's a side of me that people love..the wholesome good Mel. Who doesn't? But Im sorri, yes, I come with alot of defacts and errors too. Imperfections and things molded from my experiences, life, emtoions and all. Love or hate me, up to you. i have a part of me, that isn't all too good, in some people's eyes, but it's for me to sort. fake, hypocrite, sweet, kind, sacrificing, lover, friend, helpful, pretender, fakoo, whatever it is k. I'm made out of so much, Aand onli u guys know me best. so..please..don't drive me to my grave.
-Last night, and today-
Haha,. after crying last night, I asked dear to call me, so that it would stop me from crying...Aiz, just one of those nites when i couldn't control myself, and tiredness got to me. After that it was madness! After toking to dear, Clarence called. ARGH. gotta entertain him..Bo-bian. Knew him thru Jayne..coz of one of the previous job offers. Then Ren called after reaching home. :) So happy he's home, safely. Amelia called me next, and we closed the conversationa ard 1+am. I bathed, ate, prepared my breakfast, as usual, and headed back to me room. Next, korkor came online. He fought with mum, and mum was being real difficult AGAIN. Haiz. When I heard what happened, i just wanted to "run". That same feeling came back. The resentment of hearing the way she complained about things, and worrying abt things that didn't concern her.
MUM AH. WHY. Kor had to take it all again, and mum hurt him. I'm quite pissed off about it, coz korkor is nothing near disloyal, or un-trustworthy. It's just not fair to him. having said this much, I knew kor kept certain feelings to himself, and for that, I wana apologise publickly kor. I don't know why you seem destined to always be middle man, mediator, and the one who has to put up with unfairness. You have it in you, to tolerate,and i totally am awed by it. But I just don't have it. Yet, you're human, too. I know you have your own limits, and mum crossed it last night. I'm sorry kor. I really cannot imagine how much more you have to put up with now that I'm not physically around at home. A part of me though, still knows it's better I am also not there to add to the fire, like I always do.
I'm worried for mum,don't know if her condition is worsenning or getting better. I pray that God takes care of mum for all of us.
Today, I took cab to work AGAIN. haiyoyo. Lucky boss late. HWAHWA. Again, no customers. Onli a few walk-in customers. KORKOR dropped by!!!! *___^. Hee..shoo happiizzz... i made very lovely cards today! I kinda outdone myself, and realli was quite pleased with myself. I met up with Jonnie Fokky for lunch near our work place. We talked and all. I ate some finger good and headed home. Don't know why I'd been feeling so tired. Always get headache when i go home. I slept the min i came home, for four hours straight. Now I'm up typing my blog, and will be heading back to sleep.
Kk, that's all for now. I gotta get down to practising my songs for the upcoming events le, and give Smelia my songlist. oh man..so many things, so little time!
I'm tired and quite irriatated with all the "Mel, pliz go home can?" statements. I told u, STOP bugging me about it. The more u say, the more irritated I get, despite the fact that i know you care and love me as friends...all of you do. But, if everyone is gonna persistenly do this, I'm gonna stop going choir alreadi KK. argh. Please...I have heard practicarly, EVERYTHING u guys have to say., i know well enuff what's going on. I know..all yr concerns, and everything. How would I not know better? Than kor and myself?? PLIZ, stop bugging both of us. PLIZ. I dont care too much, what any of you think, on the other hand you know. In a way. Go think what u want, coz realli, I dont wana sound arrogant, but respect my wishes, my reasoning and what i deem best for now. UNDERSTAND?...
I'm as complicated as I can get k. I know there's a side of me that people love..the wholesome good Mel. Who doesn't? But Im sorri, yes, I come with alot of defacts and errors too. Imperfections and things molded from my experiences, life, emtoions and all. Love or hate me, up to you. i have a part of me, that isn't all too good, in some people's eyes, but it's for me to sort. fake, hypocrite, sweet, kind, sacrificing, lover, friend, helpful, pretender, fakoo, whatever it is k. I'm made out of so much, Aand onli u guys know me best. so..please..don't drive me to my grave.
posted by melissa at 8/04/2005 04:09:00 AM
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