i awoke to the pain again this morning... harri had been so kind to wait up for me once again, and i feel bad really. i love her, love her so much... charles is away, and shes been so tolerant and understanding.. waking up in her rm brings a certain sense of comfort and security tht i wish i cud keep.

Been msging him, but he's really not giving an inch back anymore. ive lost him, to what i do not know. now he can concentrate fully on his music without me being a burden to him i guess. hes like lerping, music more impt than love. ive tried to tell him, everything im feeling etc,it isnt working anymore. its... gone, for good.

i dont need to describe in millions of words how much pain im feeling now. No amount of encouragement can help.

Starting work tmr, going back to tamp to stay today. The quiet place. I want to take out m y guitar and play, and sing, but theres no mood at all.

Charles, when will u call. But its not like he can help me have jianwei back.

i just saw thw card jianwei drew for harriet the christmas tht i knew him. Hes drawn for her three cards by this ya, and he wrote inside" wah lau weh, u even changed my life.. on 11th dec, first u hooked me up with a band, and now, the love of my life!" ...where has tht gone???

Ive gtg now, meet stef and weiyi for lunch at parkway. going to view more places tonite before i head back to rest for tmr.

God. have mercy on me.