today was the down day after the up day. was late for work, since i slept so fucking late. my boss was feeling down, and my senior colleague wasnt feeling well. i? was feeling pretty moody too, despite dressing up in new clothes from head to toe, not to mention shoes. My boss played the "remember" compilation alot today, and it triggered my tears as soon as i started work. the song playing was a love song. A love song abt how two lovers treasure each other, abt the memories they share etc. Its one of the oldies. I cried while shelving the new cds tht cme in the previous night. I couldnt let anyone see me, so I tried not to cry too much. There was a near zero crowd today. Tht made me feel much worse. Nothign to do, my mind wonders to him again. Im so tired of everything. I realised too how long ive not had home cooked food. Then I started to miss the food he cooked for me. I remembered alot of our memories today. Jus unfair how I was able to move on yesterday, and fall back again today. I felt like this the entire work day, and also cried a bit on the mrt back. I dreaded coming back alone. the whole house to myself till the end of the week,BUT, God is good. I made some honey, ate some raisin with grains, showered, took down my clothes, and watched some cable. Think I feel alot better now.

But theres smth I have to admit. I have realised tht I am truly frightened of being alone, esp now being on my own. I am honestly frightened of thisd, esp if I grow old like this. NO, i dont want. I dont want to be living alone at the age of 40.

Anyways, i better get gg to bed to make up for last nite's rest. gd nite world. Please give us all a brighter day tmr lord.