and she dreams again...

- My Letter to God-

Dear Lord,

So much has happened over the last three months. I've had ups and downs, and I know you've seent hem all, and been with me throughout. You continue to guide me as I prayed for, and still watch over me during the happy days, tiring days, lonely times, and stressful moments. Dear Lord, I know you're testing us for eternal life. My presence on earth, is a test, to prepare me for your kingdom. But, Lord, sometimes these trials, come too many at a time. I can't breathe. Yet, I know you never give me something too much for me to handle, coz you love me, and will not give me more than I can handle.

Dear Lord, today has proven to be one of my harder days, amongst my happier days these few weeks. I know you have a reason for this as well. There is always a reason. It's all part of your plan, Lord. Thank you Lord, for the blessings you've showered upon me: My lovely job, Harriet and family who have been taking care of me, my bro who has never ever once not been there for me; my boyfriend, who has shown me untiring love..and most of all, now, my parents, who I met up with on sat and tonite, and we are talking. It meant so much to me Lord. You answered my prayers and worries that i'd never get to talk to them again. Thank you, so much Lord.I really wanted this. To be able to still call mum and dad, ask after them, talk and smile at them, and be there for them when they need me. For I have not once forgotten where my roots lie, despite our differences.

I had a good time with dear yesterday, Lord. Though I work 6 days a week, and it isn't even a very tiring job, I already feel tired by it.I know it's your way of telling me Lord, that nothing comes easy, and even though I love my job,I am still learning, and trying to be mentally stronger, in order to work 6 days a week.Iit is trying. I will persist, as I know you gave me this job, and that I really have to try hard and work hard at it. Dear was sweet to me, even though it was late at night already, and he was tired himself. Lord, I wsh one day he'll see your goodness. I can only pray. I will never ever though, push him and ask him ..because i believe that if he really wants to, he will come to you. I'm happy Lord, that you gave him to me..to love, to be loved by, to care for, and to show, my commitment to you Lord. He not stopping me from believing in you Lord, is something I greatly appreciate.

However, Lord..today you decided to test me again, and got me thinking again about so many things. I guess it is your way, to keep me in check. Sam seow scolded me today, and I knew I made you angry Lord. How could i be so slip-short at doing my duty for you Lord. I promise, to give you 102 percent. I will make up, for all the times I didn't prioritise you Lord. I'm sorry. Forgive me pls. Today, after thinking so much about what Sam said to me, I found out dad was sent to hospital. It really ached me, as dear's dad and grandpa are in hospital, and you just took amelia's grandma to heaven with you Lord. Angie's mother-in-law as well. Too much of this, Lord...I found it hard to swallow. I pray you keep dad healthy and safe. Pls give him a break if he needs.

Thank you , Lord, for bro. Kor. He truly is my guiding light, my stead fast pillar, strength that is alwasy ready to be there for me. Ive come to realise, I really can't do without him. BUT i also know I cannot be too dependent on him. That is how kor teaches me, to learn , to grow up, to be dependent, yet independent enough. I've learnt a fair bit these few months out on my own. I've learnt how to treasure many more things, people, time, money, jobs, on a huge scale. But, now Lord, you're putting me to the test again. A bigger test, now that i have gotten comfortable with this one. ----finding another place to stay, and fighting my conflicting feelings about renting, and home itself. I know too well, the goodness and comforts of home.. However, I remember clearly now why i don't want to live under my family's roof anymore. it will spoil me again, and it will bring back all the bitterness again. So, now, i have to find a place, and ensure i keep this job stable, in order to survive. Ive no idea how much i spend a month. And the uncertainty of the job frightens me, esp if I'll be staying alone. However, I know that these worries are "duo yu de". You will help me Lord, somehow.

Please, I ask of you, be merciful, take away my burdens, lighten them even more, teach me, let me learn, let me grow up, be stronger emotionally, and mentally especially. coz I need to be an adult. I need to realise what i need to do, in order to have things in the right places again. Just when I was getting adjusted completely, Lord,..you're sending me on another task. I don't know whether i'll be able to pull it off, but i know I HAVE TO. That is the price I pay, for wanting certain things.

I've come to realise, no matter what your choices and decisions are, everything has a very high price to pay. It may not be literally a price, but the non-material price, is sometimes much harder, tougher, and painful to learn. But that is life. You made it such, Lord. I have to adapt, and learn, and stand up on my own two feet and always try to be stronger than ever. But thru all this, I ask you Lord, to help me if I crumble and fall ever so often.

-Come to the father, though your gift is small. Broken hearts, broken lives, he will take them all. The power of the word, the power of his love. Everything was done, so you would come.-

-pray for my dad, please watch over and keep him safe, Lord.
-pray for dear...for his discovery in you, and for me and him...you've put us thru so much...what exactly is it Lord? Will we get thru everything?
-pray for my choir, my section, and my leadership towards them. For the heads of the choir.
-pray for everyone, that the Lord will lift whatever bvurdens anyone may have.
-pray, that amongst all this Lord...we have you.