and she dreams again...
-FOCUS-
FOCUS is what I lack right now, in maybe, just about everything I do.
-work (working just for the money, instead of savouring how much I love the job and should meet up to expectations and do it well. Distracted by the need to work only, which is wrong and will bring me nowhere. )
-choir ( Not focuszed enough to lead with maturity, with a clear mind, with the qualities of a leader, with the level headedness required of a leader))
-myself (what i realli wana do, who i realli wana be, should be and have to be, what I have been called onto this earth to be)
-us ( We are strong, and sweet, but God isn't giving me clear signs at all..but the feeling....isnt...quite right...God is missing, very much in us, ouyr strength that we have formed over the months)
-but, most of all, GOD. My serving GOD. aka. MY FAITH. it's all ghone, somewhere long time ago, and after speaking with tammy these few days, I have a strong urge to get it back.
Things are all outta place for me. What am i doing? Being a sinner, towards the one father, the amazing God who loves me more than I can think. The God who knows my every move yesterday, tmr, and the day after. The God who has plans for me, and loves me even though I have distant myself from him, because I have sinned over and over again. I am dirty. I am unworthy, and I am sad about it. I don't pray sincerely anymore. My faith has been dry for ages.
I don't remember when was the last time I confessed my sins to God through the sacrement of reconciliation or confession. I have lost tht feeling of prayer...that special friendship with God.
Firstly, I have left the family he gave to me. Secondly, I have a job i'm so new to, and like a baby, the bosses are expecting me to run by next month already. I must say that's an honour, and are expectations I'm not sure I can meet up to. But why am i afraid? Coz somehow I can't concentrate on work fully. What am i distracted by? That I need to settle down elsewhere. It will be a difficult road ahead, and I must learn how to live with strength. I am also distracted that I am not the leader enuff to lead my people and have them look up to me.
Everything in my life is now really forcing me to grow up. Smth I yearned for years, and now wish I have nothing to do with.The feeling of this all is overwhelming. To add on, I feel i'm causing myself to be distant from my dear God, because I keep sinning. My irresponsibility, to everything I take to, be it decisions, being punctual, sleeping time, simple things like that, or prioritising church over dinners and other wants to go outwhich should be second. My ill discipline, which transcends thru everything. My heck-care attitude. All this, has distant me from God, but he loves me all the same. But I am distant-ing myself. I have been sinning. Even in my own relationship, i prioritise it over my God, which shouldn't be the case. I'm sorry lord.
FOCUS. I need to find it all back. Even if I stay alone, and keep good terms with my family, I still need to get everything onto the right track. it is a major test God is giving me. I must take it and pass.
Forgive me Lord.
-FOCUS-
FOCUS is what I lack right now, in maybe, just about everything I do.
-work (working just for the money, instead of savouring how much I love the job and should meet up to expectations and do it well. Distracted by the need to work only, which is wrong and will bring me nowhere. )
-choir ( Not focuszed enough to lead with maturity, with a clear mind, with the qualities of a leader, with the level headedness required of a leader))
-myself (what i realli wana do, who i realli wana be, should be and have to be, what I have been called onto this earth to be)
-us ( We are strong, and sweet, but God isn't giving me clear signs at all..but the feeling....isnt...quite right...God is missing, very much in us, ouyr strength that we have formed over the months)
-but, most of all, GOD. My serving GOD. aka. MY FAITH. it's all ghone, somewhere long time ago, and after speaking with tammy these few days, I have a strong urge to get it back.
Things are all outta place for me. What am i doing? Being a sinner, towards the one father, the amazing God who loves me more than I can think. The God who knows my every move yesterday, tmr, and the day after. The God who has plans for me, and loves me even though I have distant myself from him, because I have sinned over and over again. I am dirty. I am unworthy, and I am sad about it. I don't pray sincerely anymore. My faith has been dry for ages.
I don't remember when was the last time I confessed my sins to God through the sacrement of reconciliation or confession. I have lost tht feeling of prayer...that special friendship with God.
Firstly, I have left the family he gave to me. Secondly, I have a job i'm so new to, and like a baby, the bosses are expecting me to run by next month already. I must say that's an honour, and are expectations I'm not sure I can meet up to. But why am i afraid? Coz somehow I can't concentrate on work fully. What am i distracted by? That I need to settle down elsewhere. It will be a difficult road ahead, and I must learn how to live with strength. I am also distracted that I am not the leader enuff to lead my people and have them look up to me.
Everything in my life is now really forcing me to grow up. Smth I yearned for years, and now wish I have nothing to do with.The feeling of this all is overwhelming. To add on, I feel i'm causing myself to be distant from my dear God, because I keep sinning. My irresponsibility, to everything I take to, be it decisions, being punctual, sleeping time, simple things like that, or prioritising church over dinners and other wants to go outwhich should be second. My ill discipline, which transcends thru everything. My heck-care attitude. All this, has distant me from God, but he loves me all the same. But I am distant-ing myself. I have been sinning. Even in my own relationship, i prioritise it over my God, which shouldn't be the case. I'm sorry lord.
FOCUS. I need to find it all back. Even if I stay alone, and keep good terms with my family, I still need to get everything onto the right track. it is a major test God is giving me. I must take it and pass.
Forgive me Lord.
posted by melissa at 8/19/2005 02:52:00 AM
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