And.....its another terrible "night"...
Im becoming like richie, in terms of having a sleep disorder. he cant sleep before sunrise, and as for me? My brain seems to love to THINK ALOT before I sleep. I layed on bed for a solid two plus hrs, and I was wide awake, despite being tired. This is sickening. Until it's like 6am, it refuses to sleep. I find it excruciatingly hard to wake before 3pm. AGH. I wanted to wake at 10am, and even got Jill to wake me, so that i could finish up my load of housechores, and go meet her and sara at 3pm. BUT, I JUST WOKE. HELLO. agh agh agh. Im so pissed with myself. It could have been a nice afternoon out followed by cantor meeting. And I plan to do the one thing I nearly did last night--go look for someone.
Thoughts of him have been keeping me awake the last few nights. I think I've brought myself down to such a disgusting state, I can do no more already. sms after sms after sms, msn msgs, email, friendster...EVERYTHING. The last time I nearly lost a guy friend was weiyi, and even then, we both had the decency to respect each other, and valued the friendship of four yrs. But now, this friendship that started in feb 05, grew so amazingly, my mind couldn't stop running thru the thousand memories we have shared. Is someone joking around with me here, or can friendships SERIOUSLY end just like tht? Over night? Even relationships don't end overnight. I am stillin disbelief, and feeling awfully hurt. It keeps me awake, u can imagien how bad it is.
I had a terrible "night" or morning or whatever u wana call it again. Im awake now at 320pm, feeling groggy. people already PASSED most of their day. Mum is probably angry with me again. I had allsorts of dreams, nightamres that prevented me from waking, and made me reallly frightened. So much so when I woke, it felt like I didn't sleep, my eyes weight a ton, and my head is sweaty.
Im becoming like richie, in terms of having a sleep disorder. he cant sleep before sunrise, and as for me? My brain seems to love to THINK ALOT before I sleep. I layed on bed for a solid two plus hrs, and I was wide awake, despite being tired. This is sickening. Until it's like 6am, it refuses to sleep. I find it excruciatingly hard to wake before 3pm. AGH. I wanted to wake at 10am, and even got Jill to wake me, so that i could finish up my load of housechores, and go meet her and sara at 3pm. BUT, I JUST WOKE. HELLO. agh agh agh. Im so pissed with myself. It could have been a nice afternoon out followed by cantor meeting. And I plan to do the one thing I nearly did last night--go look for someone.
Thoughts of him have been keeping me awake the last few nights. I think I've brought myself down to such a disgusting state, I can do no more already. sms after sms after sms, msn msgs, email, friendster...EVERYTHING. The last time I nearly lost a guy friend was weiyi, and even then, we both had the decency to respect each other, and valued the friendship of four yrs. But now, this friendship that started in feb 05, grew so amazingly, my mind couldn't stop running thru the thousand memories we have shared. Is someone joking around with me here, or can friendships SERIOUSLY end just like tht? Over night? Even relationships don't end overnight. I am stillin disbelief, and feeling awfully hurt. It keeps me awake, u can imagien how bad it is.
I had a terrible "night" or morning or whatever u wana call it again. Im awake now at 320pm, feeling groggy. people already PASSED most of their day. Mum is probably angry with me again. I had allsorts of dreams, nightamres that prevented me from waking, and made me reallly frightened. So much so when I woke, it felt like I didn't sleep, my eyes weight a ton, and my head is sweaty.
How long more is this gonna go on
I feel so silly. I have never made myself look so silly in front of anyone before.
I hope none of you get the wrong idea here. I'm talking abt a best guy friend, and nothing else. But it upsets me alot, because Ive experienced cold war with him before, and even H gal, and even dear.
A consolation is that dear is coming out this weekend. I can't wait to see him. I miss dear so so much. it'll be a gd way to forget all these people.
But I can neve rlive with friends who ignore me for no reason...it's too painful.
posted by melissa at 11/09/2005 04:37:00 PM
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