Dear Lord,
please give me the serenity, to accept what i cannot change,
the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to understand and persevere.

. I'm losing patience once again.
. It annoys me, that I have to do everything mum's way, just to make her happy.
. I really can't do any little thing my way, coz she DOES notice.
. I must remember I have to give in..coz she will only feel happy when i do things her way.
. PERSEVERE MEL. haiz =(

[half an hr later]

Mum said to me: " Ure working very hard to prove to me ure slacking rite?"

... What can i say? I wonder if any adult or human being is that hard on themselves, before they are hard on others.

...WELL, u know what i have to do in this case? Just to SHOW i am not, do things her way loh. Then she'll say Im not slacking, and believe so. I wonder what my heart truly feels then.....

haiz...Nick said dont disappoint yrself and family..but he meant it in the "make the more loving decision way".

Ok then.
This is me, in this life. I'll never really be myself. And I say again, it's very sad that they'll never know me for who i really am, coz I'll always be on guard when I'm with them.

AHH fish...why am i sounding so immature again.; AGHHH. I apologise. This is really how irritated I feel now.

[one hr later]
Nick is sleeping again. He's been grouchy since he woke up. =( He's having his headaches again, and maybe I caused it? I always am the one who makes people unhappy, I think. He's napping again, and i wonder sometimes whether it is just his headaches, or he just wants to get away from it all, like me. So the best way to shut everyone out is to sleep. I would. I always do that.

Mum is cooking sa1 po1 fan3 for dinner, and she knows i like it. That's nice.
It's amazing how mum just won't let go of certain things. She's still reminding me to complete the cleaning of the windows. Anyone would have forgotten abt it man. Agh.
Also, I'm sad that she still calls dear "your boyfriend" HAIZ. =(

There's this undescribable sadness at home....haiz..........

[half an hr later]

Dad has come home and gone out to jog. But before he did, he asked me some stupid question. Actually to be honest, i feel that i don't know my father at all.

There's this sadness in the house, i repeat.

=(

*dear, when are u coming home........*tears*

*Tonight, I will do what I need to do. I want to know what's going on. Coz it makes me want to cry each time I think of it.