and she dreams again...

im...still....ill.....you dun believe it? neither do i....it's sickening and irritating me.
my nose is all soar now.

i went to get myself a hair-cut.=) it's quite different. nice.=)

since i haven't written here in ages,

i

will

write

smth.

there.

c. there. is. nothing. to write. about. me. anymore.

found alot alot of long lost friends on friendster. so that makes friendster great.

and everything tht i said before, about it, invalid=0)


good nite.

and she dreams again...

down with a major high fever, and a most horrid soar throat......hater it, everything tastes wrong, medicine has become most un-swallowable, and i couldnt go for today's talk....cancelled two days of work too....

its a months just after i had the last bolt of major illness...seems my body is getting very weak...

and she dreams again...

good niteyz

swt drmz

slp titez

see ya

and she dreams again...

They look adorbale...hahaha=) made my day a whole lot lighter and yet solemn...dunno why, dun ask me. heh.
then before i left schl, something just realli mad my day, and i was totally happy at work....which i wasnt expecting to be coz of two collegues which bring about some discomfort were ard...and i managed to trest them like...em, this sounds mean...invisible? haha, and i kept singing the song im so adictted to at this point, so work seemed like a breeze tonite.
hmm...however, after work, some litle thing happened, and didnt turn out so well at the end of the dasy, but was great to get a lift home...=)

and..thanks...dun worry, i will try my very best to get more rest...thx gal....

when you're tired and weary...there tend to be people you miss....

hmm...but today was eventful in anycase...a couple of interpersonal encounters and cleared up emusic project...tomoroow's a slp in day, all's cool...just gotta wake up to a stronger me like i alwasy try. yea.=)

nite is beautiful, but theres when my emotions get thornw off more easily...and also when my inspiration to compose or write comes...hhmmzz...the nite...so lonely yet so lovely. My h'aven.




ive been hanging on a line'
ive got no where else to go
ive been searching for a live
to get me out of this shit hole

theres nothing more than i could say
but theres urge tht you're the one
you the one im living for
and i cannot live without


but you think that i am
nothing but some loser
and i dunno why
but feel like i am

[
im running, im running, im running everywhere
there is no where else to go
but theres little place called home

im running, im running, im running back to you
i will nvr let you go
coz' i am so in love with you
]
theres more to it than meets the eye
i cant help but re-define
all the thoughts that cross my mind
i' feel like i am broken down

what if you and i could share
alll the times tht we've had there
what i wanted you to be
is always right here next to me


but yo think tht i am
niothing but some fool
and i dunno why but i feel like im

and she dreams again...

at the DES now...wanted Mike to sign the form to take a film outta d library...hence waiting for a cal...gawd its damn cold in here...hahaha....stoning la realli stoning...shitts...kays, get back tmr or smth.....

and she dreams again...

just watched a Miasaki movie with my bro...The man is such a genuis, really. ALL of his animations are so beautiful. Each and every single animated movie he makes instills morals and values of thier japanese culture...and watching his films are as good as being in japan itself. The man has years of experience in his field and in the "making of's" of his animations, you can see whatever he says or asks his other younger animators while in the process of making the animation, is what they require to be realistic animators. Miasaki pays attention to the smallest details of his story, like how a little girl wears her shoes, or how the cat wiggles it's tail, the design of the trains they have there. His stories are always adventures, fantasies, that bring you into a world of its own. Touching stories with meaning. Stories that touch on topics of friendships in its purest form, family bonds, respect and many other values. The script his stories have are so realistic, it feels so close to home.

He's an awesome animator. He deserves all the respect he shld get.

and she dreams again...

listening to this cd of mine tht ive not heard for so long...so nice. heh

and she dreams again...

i didnt see him in school today...hmmz...wish i could see him, nothing, just kinda miss him, thts all...like haven met up with the big guy for some time too....

if we're tokin abt missing d guy, well, forget it....theres nothing i can do abt it. im tired of all this as it is.

and she dreams again...

ahh, hello....dun have much to say...coz well, today was a short day...and ive only got film theory left, thts it....more looking forward to wed nite...well, will be working most of the week too....

and she dreams again...

feelings
they're so annoying
damn it.

and she dreams again...

oppression .
its disgusting.

haa
shld nvr fall in its trap.
bad bad



shit.

and she dreams again...

oh, and bumped into shawn too today...far east, like i knew ,many of us always hang out at...

and she dreams again...

the gig was asthethic! hehe, Darius was jumping abt like xiao ar! What impressed me was that thier band was great in studio itself already, which many bands can't do. I regreat knowing about thier band so late after they've already had quite a few gigs. Nvm, i look forawrd to the next one!

on an even greater note, i'm starting my vocal training lessons next week=)

and I wana meet up with the big guy again...it's been so long...agh....

agh, shopping aimlessly not knowing what you want exactly can be quite a pain in the ass sometimes.

I hate feelings of inferiority.


good nite.

and she dreams again...
hahaa...its four am now, completed a tiny bit of paperwork....and just ahd a gd chat wif jus, the other jus...and found otu she knows ria, and a whole lot of people i know too thx to non other than darius his royalty...hahaha...and coz of shieh ting also laz....she even known shawn too...man...and, and, she knows nick coz of church.....all of us are east people apparently...!! woot! hehe.

and she dreams again...

gosh, i miss so many people too....

and she dreams again...

four test this week, three down , one to go...haha...only worked like twice and spent two nites in schl doing work...wow...im pretty happy tho, coz ive clared quiet a number fo projects...just left paperwork to finish....my emusic tht was having prob has finally been completed in a nite and recorded onto DAT, so i fear not anymore. hurhurhur. proplan done, multitrack done, ..yupz, thts rite, just vid and film pp left.....

shes so happy now....these two days, we spent quiet abit of time after schl yest...and she finally rested well=) was so happy for her...coz today she was all bubbly...hehe....supoort can be such a great help to frens...yeas?

daruis dropped by dv today, and he was wearing this shirt tht just made me laugh and laugh and laugh...coz it was pruple and had this white collar and calves...gee...realli, it looked so cartoonish. heh. marine and nikky were dediting thier mtv tht was for daruis band, and the music was from my project!! lucky them to use a different version and all...and the guy didnt wear his specs in the video...he said" uhhum, look so suai rite?".....has to be himn...hahaha

well, enuf abt tht...my eyes were like so wanting to pop out at schl liao after test and all...whole day im facing the comp frm rm to rm..and now? haha, my rm...doing some paperwork....still haven studied for test. freak it.

im v happy these two days. and its great really.....hmm...it sems quite a number are leaving my branch, like me, all finding new jobs....geesh, what a decision it is.

well, well, so much said, tmr's gg to be great, coz we're gg out!! and in the evevning will be gg to support darius and ryan...yupedoos...no work no work...till next week.=) "rest" for two weeks...then where am i gg for itp???

oh..hey, i saw dear ria today...been bumping into her quite abit lately...shes sooo swt!! actually i told her shes cute, with her long hair and she has this certain look of innocence???? realli...yea...heh, i like her style, makes me feel so comfortable with her...uhhum, ria, thx dear=) and she looks younger than me!!!! but obviously she not!! nieh!

and she dreams again...

im v worried for her....very....we are prob the only two who understand each other's situation so well...others would very commonly not understand and figure that we're just being lazy or irresponsible. But she and i both know why and whats happening...its just tht such things are not meant for the whole wide world to know. and thats whats so painful. coz, we want to tell but we cant....and the burden, the fighting becomes so much harder. I'm better. Its becoming better. Shes having t much worse than I did. I think the stress is on different levels.

This is for you. You know I'll always try my best to be there for you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Both of them were at work earlier...and for no reason, I was told off. Caught between the jobs of both of them tonite. I just wish He wasn't around. All the orders had problem tonite, coz he just couldn't do it rite. It's busy but he gives me this face like i offended him big time or smth. Ever since what took place awhile back, from our so called frens, ive suddenly become a stranger tht annoys him. it just so damn pisses me off. It hurts too. Kor was no better. scolded me coz i was suppose to go thru the other him first. Imagine getting told off and "du lan" by both of them that i care for...it just so damn hurts. Dun even noe why i bother.

Left work asap and made sure jiahao got onto the train first...he's wen's bro...im suppose to take care of him so yea. hes hard working...sally didnt turn up for work today, but we all just tired our best to manage.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I completed my re-edit of my video profile. Am pretty pleased with it. Its not for grading but just for my own satisfaction. and for me bro too. just left film theory pp/test, logging, emusic two tests and project and im done. -sweat drops-. dunno where gg for itp....geesh.....kiss da hols gd bye.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and she dreams again...

its no point wasting my msgs. i know it doiesnt matter to a person if im not impt whatsoever.


im getting blurer by the day? unable to concentrate and understand. ive been getting varioud people commenting o telling me off about whuchever work im doing at that point, that it wasnt gd enuff, or i missed out smth, or that im useless or that i caused a stupid mistake.....im unconsiously believing it, maybe....like one always says there has to be some truth in it...im beginning to really lose it. maybe ive lost it a long ime ago. before i fell ill. i dont know. yes, one of my most common lines.

so many doubts abt how im gg to make it at all.....next week, here are so many things due...and tests, last round of tests to prove to myself tht i can get myself somewhere....



im gradually talking lesser and lesser and lesser....maybe i need him again....to tell me smth, to send me smth...maybe i need him to speak to em again...maybe, he really has no idea...


the soundtrack is so soothing......gd nite

and she dreams again...

fatiogue

some illness

sleep

and she dreams again...

this oct is a mad mad month. all of us. im always getting mydays mixed up, like ive totally lost track of time. so many tests and dats due th8is and that, and shooting and recording, im trying to balance them and put in as much. for the first time, ive cancelled work last minute, not planned. usually i'll know when i cant work...feel so bad coz tonite there are only three staff at work.

happy birthday mak, junhua. sorri i forgot. heres to you.=)

lets all realli chill after sem. at least before itp.

and she dreams again...

gg back home the last couple of days...ive been having a pretty heavy heart....coz i feel that ive failed mysle with the role given to me...ive failed them...tho they dont say it...hence why i asked him to credit his name in too for the credits...coz not all of tht task was done by me...he and the rets added in alot of stuff after i told them i was done with the editing of tht part....i didnt want to disappoint them, but it really feels like they're unhappy with me....and im still working with them,and never once have i felt they haven done more than they should...but for me....im rather down about this.

and she dreams again...

last nite, i was at the mrt station waiting for the bus home, listening to tao ze's album, i suddenly started crying for no reason at all....i fear another blow of depression mite have started again.

tired in every way, is what im now...i like being busy and all, but no, not when i have to cope with the problems i deal with.

certain decisions i have to make that are just difficult

wont all this go away....

results of the audition have come. i'm suppose to contact them and will be attached to them for a period of time with my own artist manager and creative producer. will be attending training, in house sessions or projects, i so want to do this.

but...............

and she dreams again...

guys, gals, everyone, i know ive been distant, and its not anypone's fault. i'm dealing with alot now and im just not so sure being ard is a gd idea at all...
i'm fighting and struggling , with problems im dealing with [edit]

pls excuse me. its the last month of school and timing is very bad again.

and she dreams again...

i'm feling very upset...i was hping i wont have to face the music yeterday...but i shld have seen it coming....guess onlyvic would know what im saying...i shld be happy, but im upset about it...coz in the end, i fail to understand what ended up making me become the me today.....

i dont wana tok anymore today...i dun feellike saying much about anything anymore....fear of saying what is wrong...

i cry till my eyes hurt, and now each time i cry, it gets worse....

i broke the galss of my painting on the wall last nite...didnt know about it....till i saw the glass shattered....how did a soft toy cause the glass to crack?.....