Saturday, July 30, 2005

and she dreams again...

-DRAMA-

hey guys, sorry ive been rather tired out, so I didn't post anything. I'm kinda in the rush to go off to work now, so let me just give short snippets of what's been happening.

Thursday
As the previous day, I was so tired, coz I ran ard the entire Singapore, rejected a job, went to my friend's music shop and met dear, I decided to stay home on Thursday, till I had cantor meeting in the evening. Big Sam coiuldn't turn up as he was held up by his many meetings at work. AKA There was more of a simplistic practise, and an kimportant brieifng for us by Renay. She the man! haha. : ) LOL.

Cantor meeting was done, my friend got into a bit of trouble with his mum becoz he kept using my name to cover up when he was out with his gf...I was kinda shocked coz his mum called me. Snyway, I think it's sorted out somewhat already. I bought provisions when I got home, like pei pa gao, bowl noodles, cheese, soup *grinz*, and was one happy little girl. Why not/ Hvaing received money from cartel..more accurately, left over pay.

My happiness was shortlived, though, cox nick told me my bill had come. So, I'd be back down to the same amount, ANYWAY.

KK. Friday

Went for a job interview again in the rafternoon at a kindergarden oipposite CCH. Lovely little house, playground and all, all the kiddy decos..basically, a lovely little kindergarden. I fell in love with it. Found out the principal is my mum's ex classmate. WOHOO. Omg. Yeap. Nvm that, she was realllly nice, These were the considerations. If Im hired, I start as asst teacher. I get 1200 pay, and MUST take courses at nite, which they will sponsor. 14 days leave, and pay increase is fast. BUT. Bond probtwo to three yrs to them. Five day week.

OLRITE. Sound good eh? Not sure if she will consider me. Then, meliza's friend calls up, and says needs me for part time today, at the crafts shop in tampines. COOl. 5 an hr. 2-9pm. I WAN I WAN! hee...And omehow I asked her about full time. Guess wad? I've GOT A JOB!! Orchard Emerals, 6 day week, weekday is off day, and 1200. 7 days leave. OH WELL. The job is easier, more relaxing...but my weekend is GONE. I fear so much..that it'll affect me and dear. he has been very supportive though. He said nvm, i have a job and that's more important. But that would mean only overnight with him. The next day i have to wotrk before going to church. With many other things coming up on my list in August, i'm just worried.

But bro said, leave it to God. He'll make things right. Okie, then.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

and she dreams again...

- the TASTE of-

(1)...my gosh. CAMPBELL ALPHABET SOUP.

--> I have really forgotten there's such a thing as instant campbell soup in Singapore. The last time I tasted it was more than a month ago. I used to be SO SICK of the "fake-ness" of that branded soup. Now, I miss it termendously. Coz Harri and Simon bought it home tonight. (Simon just got back from malacca this morning, and very unfortunately lost his handphone there. Atuntie has given him her old phone, though. ) Now, Harri fried some delicious bread, coated in egg and butter. She made three packets of that soup, and I was lucky to have some of it, coz I came out and they shared it with me. You see, initially, I wasn't hungry, so i didn't want it. I drank the remianing quarter bowl, and realised I remember loving this soup. I am gonna buy some and put at home tmr. Along with that, comes my longing for alot of night snacks again. So, here's my wish grocery list:

-campbell soup
-cheese
-bowl noodles
-more biscuits
-green tea

I wonder if I should buy this stuff...*looks at my wallet*. I'll see how ya.

(2) Feeling like a **** replacement.

--> Maybe it's just me being more sensitive than usual? I remember korkor and dear mentioned before, this same feeling. When people want you, they come to you, otherwise they don't. Sorry, it's nothing much, just that two close friends have been treating me like this lately, or maybe it's just ME again. or is it smth with GUYS? I hope not. nvm, reality is such? You're just not important enough to people who you feel are important to you. I'm really not being sacarstic. i understand that feeling. We are ALL guilty of such acts. We just don't notice, sometimes.

(3) Getting a job, and rejecting it.

-->Like I mentioned, I declined the offer. i was HIRED actually. But, as desperate as I am for a job, desperation needs DISCRETION still. If i join the team, and end up quitting after a month, i would cause myself and them more trouble. So, wHY go through with it? Unsure, dont agree. Like mum used to say about buying thing. Never wise to jump. I've learnt, and agree it applies to many things in life. So, since I've made those mistakes before, I'm not about to make them again. I guess it really didn't help, that my image of this compnay of clothes isn't as good and strong as my impression of Giordano, who turned me down due to non-disclosed reasons.

SAD it is, strong I must be.

I believe, there must be SOMETHING out there that will come along. i just gotta keep searching. This search is testing my patience, my will to live, my maturity, my perseverance. God is testing me, till he knows i'd had enough. So have I? God, only you know what your plan is. I can only be part of it.

Ren, sorry i didn't mean it that way. I hope you understand.

My wishlist is growing.

-Lappie
-I just want a new handphone
- Zen Neon.
-New clothes
-Accesories ( i see nice earings everywhere, and a realli pretty cap from 77th street )
-Footwear (saw a pair of pretti shoes at far east)
-A new pillow
-Im in love with self help books. haha
-I want a mic and webcam after i get my lappie!
-A CAMERA PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

All of which, I will slowly acquire AFTER I get a jobbie and only after saving up. Till then, I WISH. U know, sometimes? it's good to be poor. Just for ONE tiny reason. It makes you value everything much more. You remember, and don't take for granted that you have all these luxuries.

Guess all these things and more, helps a person like me, who just finds it so hard to be satisfied with things. It makes me remember and learn. I am still fortunate, to be blessed, to have a place to sleep, and have people around me who love me.

Thank you Lord, for the events of today and more.

-crying out in silence, can anyone hear me?-

I'm starting to take much more pride in my blog entries these days. i love writing and expressing myself, prefecting my entries. That's good, I guess.
Joyce, how r u? Update, please?

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

and she dreams again...

-More Interviews!-

Good afternoon world! I woke up at 12, after trying very hard to, and am presently eating peanut butter sandwhich for branch. I'm heading out soon, to Hang Ten's HQ to apply for the job. After that, I'm heading down to Brighton's music shop, to take a look, see and see what I can do there with his teachers.

Checked my e-mail: (1) Inbox.
I opened it, and TADA! hahaa. A reply from the guy I e-mailed last night (customer service jobs, flyer nick found at somerset station) Wonderful!. I have an interview this friday, at 11am! :) *why morning..oh why* Anyway,s it's at Riverwalk, Upper Circular road...man...im SURE I'll find it :P I have become wiser at finding my way artound lately. =)

so, anyways, i gtg now. I shall update this entry tonight. Toodles~

(edit0 OoO...i forgot to mention in yest's entry..auntie constance was SOOOo SWEET! sHE BOUGHT ME A PAIR OF EARINGS! omgomg! HEE..SO SWEET K..IT'S LOVELY..I LOVE IT..HEH, and she gave me a mini handbag that came along with some stuff she bought :P YAY!

haha..kk update tonight...

-----------toniight.

I'm so TIRED. I travelled ALOT today. I'm proud of myself for ONE thing today. That being that i made my way to yio chu kang, all my myself ! I think God was really guiding me; coz I could have easily gone one bus stop more, and totally freaked out. Thank you Lord. Haioz, guess wad? I know i need a job badly, BUT, I went, waited for TWO+ hrs, was interviewed, got the job, but I decided not to take it in the end. It meant no more weekends, no public hols, low pay, and alot of nick nack nonsense which I really don't want to deal with. So, there I go again--JOBLESS.

I headed down to Brighton's shop in Balmoral Plaza (newton aka bukit timah rd) and applied for teaching. i don't know how it'll go, but he's really nice to help. Met his wife, Nico there. Actually, I know her lar..haha..anyway,s I bought two keychain guits for baby and harri...they were so happy :) Haiz..I headed STRAIGHT down to Woody lands to meet dear dear...gosh, I was freaking tired, BUTTT, seeing dear really made me happy. ^^ He was smiling too. It was just so nice to see him.

Back home now, money running dryer by the day, WHERE is that job. two more job interviews. Lord, Please...show me the right suitable job for me. REALLI.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

and she dreams again...

-Bored, but nice and fun-

Today, i spent another day at home. Woke up past noon, and was touched that auntie constance bought me chicken rice to eat. Uncle markie and Auntie always think of me. It's so sweet. i was happy. After eating, I got down to looking through the newspapers. I spent a gd part of the afternoon applying to tuition agencies online, and calling up some to register with them. *I pray I get some assignments*. I wrote toE-mage after that, coz I called Amber (thru an ad E-mage put in the papers) and I ended up realising it was E-mage who were looking for singers again. Fated to call again, I guess. I wrote a long explaiantion to Dennis (lao shi) for my long absence from the company. Amber says I can come back anytime I want to.

Honestly, I'm sick of applying for jobs, but I need patience. I'm sure SOMETHING will come along, especially, after applying to so many?? Please? I'm going down to Hang Ten's HQ tmr. They are looking for retail people to join the team. I will also be meeting Brighton tmr to see what i can work as in his music school. Tmr is the day Simon heads back here to sunny island. So glad Harri and him can start meeting up again, coz they are literally inseperable. =p I wish dear was malaysian, *chuckles* (Just for the NS part).

I was busy with e-mails, and installing software today, that i didn't quite realise it was evening already. Harri, Uncle, Auntie and I headed downstairs for dinner. Uncle and Auntie were once again, so sweet. We ordered zhi ca, and really quite alot. (four plates). We had hot plate tou fu, omelete, thai lemon chicken and xiao bai cai. Harri and I had green tea for drinks, as usual. I wish i could pay for my dinner, but I know too well, that i am near bankrupt, and that Auntie will refuse anyway. However, I still do make sure I buy my own groceries, as much as possible.

While having dinner, I missed family again. I missed sitting at coffee shops with dad, mum and nick. I didn't have to feel paiseh when i wanted to order something, and at least i woudnt need to make auntie worry so much that i'm not eating. My mind drifted back home, and wondered what mum cooked tonight. However, i found out daddy bought dinner home tonight. Olrite, then.I shrugged these feelings off quickly, as I know they would get to me very quickly. Online, i saw nick and was delighted that he was home. I started to feel bored, and a bit lonely. Simon is coming home, and I wished i had dear to occupy my restless mind. TADA! To my greatest delight, I found a downloadable version of...*drum rolls* BEJEWELED 2!* It is THE SHIOKEST GAME to me! HAHA lol. Save my day, beautiful game. :)

Dear msg and said he was at x-country today. For once, he had a gd day, with good food, and some fun driving ard steep hills, and whatnots. So happy for him. Havent heard from rene in a while. I hope he's recovering. Weiyi just came online, but I know he'd be busy toking to steffie again. Shan't disturb him. Thin k I'd go bathe, play more games, and watch my meteor garden again. HAHA. I connect with that show so much. I always forget where I am, and time really stops when i watch it. :)

Alright now, i shall occupy myself. tata.

Monday, July 25, 2005

and she dreams again...

Still Jobless, and listless

What am i to do? I'm drained. Drained from applying for jobs. i don't regret quitting the previous job, but i am really very much in need of a job now. I missed an assignment with Tao Nan today, JUST becoz of the job interview. i tot It would be my potential job. The stupid agency didn't even give me the right info. Why. Why did that bank reject me that time/ Coz I wasn't pretty enough? Not one, but TWO of my classmates have the same job. Agh.

Everyone has been earning roughly two to three months of pay now. ME? A measely tuition internship pay, (not the job, not the job) and thts all ive had. It's rynning a tad TOO dry. pls, pls Lord, can just ONE OF THE JOBS I applied for call me? Or won't something stable come along...?

I spent most of my day online, and on the phone. I had many calls today, from weiyi, and a few others. I called Renren and he is ill. Im worried. Some edidemic going on in jakarta. Chatted with daryl, Joyce, Weiyi, korkor, and harri herself, online. Zaza olso msg me complaining abt some wretched old woman who stepped on her foot in the bus.

I was starving by dinner time, and from having plans to go ECP to eat, harri ended up eating downstairs..and I cooked instant noodles. Almost INSTANTLY, i terribly missed mum's food. Realli. I wonder what mum cooked tonight for dinner. Weiyi had to rub it in that he works next door to my condo. I fought with him again today. Third fight alreadi within the last month?

Wonder how dear has been today...he didnt say much, except tht he nearly got killed in the rover...geesh...going now...nuttin much to say...Joyce, worried for u gurl..thinking of you......

God bless us all

Friday, July 22, 2005

and she dreams again...

No clubbing last nigjt, since it was just me and renren...but i went over to his place, and stoned while he played DoTa.. haha. But he was nice enuff to stop playing. :) We cooked at 1+am! I learnt how to cook rosti, and corn beef with egg :p lolz. Sfter watching dear cook it once, and renren again, i finally understand. man, i must practise my cooking! (Once I have money to even buy food to cook,that is)

After we cooked, we watched the korean movie dear lent me. Fos someone who loves logic, renren couldnt except the unrealisticness of it. Oh well, sappy love stories, whichmean to tell deeper meanings to the theme of the movie, LOVE, always end up having loop holes in the story I guess. We excuse the,, since it's a love story. :)

We woke up this morning, and joined the other DOTA addict, Simon, at bugis. I went off shortly after, to join his lou po, my dear sister, Harri for dinner. We went to Kino as she needed a book. I bought my favourite green tea shampoo at Watsons, since shampoo has been running out. i LOVE that shampoo. It rules no one! hehe. Harri and i shared the funnniest moments today. We were immitating the american, british and texan accents. harri is REALLI, realli, rEaLlI gOOD at the british accent. I realli mean it. She can voice over for Harry potter. ^^

I followed her to Simon, Law's and Jeff's jam session. It was at 10pm, and we were early, so we eneded up waiting two hours for another band tobe done with thier jam. HOWEVER, i thoroughly enjoyed the wait. those dudes were awesome. They are working adults, whon jam and are having a gig at Timber, near Substation, next Wednesday 7.30pm. Go soothe yr ears. Trust me, you won't regreat it!

So, now i'm finally back, exhausted, and need to wake early tmr. Renren and i are going to sim lim to get some stuff for him before he flies off tmr. Damn, I hate it when close friends fly off for a few weeks. i look forward to his return 1st aug. Pls..dont go in august...plleeease...haha

now...it's F5RIDAY tmr! :p YAY!!!! sat and sun are coming!!! THE BEST DAYS of the week! heee

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

and she dreams again...

A good day, i think

Hey all! Okies, i had BIG PLANS today..haha to, go to a few places, apply for jobs and call schools. but, GUESS what i did? =) I woke at two, bathed, sat down in my rooms, started reorganising tons of cds, and got down to munching on my bread, re-doing my resume, and sending out emails to companies. Just a :click" away, anyway! I was also advised to send in email instead of walking in. Heh, im quite proud of my emails to be honest :P LOL.

I cross my tiny fingers and hope i get a job soon. I called schools as well. These are the schools:

kC pri, KC Sec
Tao Nan
Canossa Convent Pri
East Coast Pri
Eunos Pri
Paya Lebar Methodist
Tanjong katong Pri
Cedar Sec

Yupz..and I have to call a feew schols back tmr. Cedar Seems interested. They need a music teacher! :)

Yeah..please...keep all your fingers, toes and extra little wiggly stuffs crossed for me. God, show me the light.

haha, tonight..is clubbing night!! =0)

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Looking to..uncertainty....
graduation..photos from angie...
from Left: me, Tristan, Talence, nezar (my director) and Christina(my advisor)
haha..this is my old comp..heh cute pic eh? From Left: Esther, me, Andie and Nikky
Let me do some macdolands advertisingz?? :)
i just love this...dunnoe why....
dear, in front of his company logo..POP day...SO suave the pose!
I put this up for dear...he loves cats...
ahh! my favourite peanut butter pic!! thanks joyce!
my new hair...everyone loves it..thts good!
my childhood fren annizell or to me zellzell..so cute in her orange beanie..
HWAHWAHWA! this was ages ago...but gosh look at the adorable couple!
rene and me...one night with harri and the rest...my new hair!
haha...i found this so cute~ this was taken ages ago..but dear looks..so funny in it...
harri and me on the bus some time ago...

and she dreams again...

Im jobless, STILL. *screams* angie, sam, carol, and a few others alreadi have jobs and earning! What am i doing??! I should or shouldnt have gone to jiag education! Then now cartel I can still work! No la, but I don't regreat. I enjoyed my work at the tuition centre. Maybe what I shouldnt have done was quit telemarketing...but honestly, I wouldnt have survived! Oh well. Giordano didn't shortlist me. DOPE.

Anyway,s I have an infection. It's interna. I went to see doc today, and it costs me a bomb. Hope dear can help me wave it. I'm running dry on cash. wana hibernate at home, watch tv, movies, read and dont go out le! HAHA/ Ya rite. Lesser going out la definitely. SHEESh. Pray that I get well pls?

Also, korkor. SMILE OKIE? :) luv ya!

Life is driving me mad. I am weak but strong. i will get through this. ..

Here are some pics...:) Been a while since I loaded any.

Monday, July 18, 2005

and she dreams again...

-the world and many places around me-

i dont exactly know how to put so much into words, but, today, I realised i can't make everyone around me happy. When i cry out to my friends, they tell me dont "best" myself up too much for my wrong doings in the past, or the inperfections i feel about myself. Today, after getting scolded in church, I realised even more that, I was beating myself up even more, when I felt so bad about not being a good role model for my section. Why shoudl I beat myself up for it? I am myself, I have my own set of burdens to carry everyday, and I didn't need to make myself feel worse than i already feel.

I just noe that it's realli about time I do smth about my discipline and my responsibilities, at least to myself, coz it's getting in the way of everything, and it has been affecting me badly over the years. It has transced thru school , work, friends, family, and now if i realli dont do anything about it, I'm not gonna get thru life any further with much achievements at all. Nick, Mum, dad, have all told me this eons ago. I knew it too, but the effect of it all, is realli presenting itself to me now, more than ever.

*Take a deep deep breath, let go, and gather strength from God and move with the flow*

I pray i get the job. I pray I get it soon.

I pray the dear lord keeps me focused, and continues to keep me safe and give me strength to carry on my daily acitivities. I pray God takes care of mum, dad and korkor especially. I missed him dearly tonight. There was a sudden terrible longing for his company, not outside but at home. I wanted to watch this vcd dear lent me. I watched it at his place, cuddled up with him, but wanted to borrow and watch it on my comp. Then i really felt like watching it with korkor, coz he loves such movies too. But, I knew he was at home, watching tv....I wonder if he still walks into my room? I wish i could make tht room vanish or use magic and make him imagine im there...i didn't reply dad and mum's email...im not prepared to, and I dont feel i should head back, to cause them more problems. im scared of myself. I'd learn better outside, but tonight, I realli wished i could share a plate of snacks with korkor. I wonder if he knew what was going thru my mind when i spoek to him on msn tonite? I have been somewhat strong, but lost it again tonite...but when i wake, I noe i'd be ok. It's always the nite. I told u all before abt the nite and me.I wonder, if i dont go home, whether i'd ever get to tok to mummy and daddy again? I can't imagien going through life not talking to them anymore, even if Im outta home...afterall, they are my parents. I still recognise, and love them for it. Today is daddy's birthday..i hope he smiled when i msg him earlier today..instead of the last time when he sent me back many msgs after i wished him happy fathers' day.

Happy birthday daddy.I love you. I'd never forget, the many memories with you. Hope u had a good celebration today.

Dear, thank you for a lovely weekend. Again, as I left your place to head to church, I was sad..tht i wont get to see you till next weekend. Every weekend I spend with you, i forget i have problems. It's just so much easier to bear with u around. U care and love me like u have a never ending river of love for me. i feel bad. I feel taken care of when i'm with you dear. Thank you dear, for many meals uve cooked for me, for giving me water when i cough, for always worrying when i get breathless in my sleep, for soothing me when i cry, for hugging me and telling me u love me and tht i can do many things, for msging me and telling me u had a lovely time with me, or u cant wait to see me, for supporting me in everything, for being with me.

Happy Seven months dear. :) Many occasions to celebrater today....

I had a nice dinner with zaza today after mass. It's been ages since i had some private time together with her. It was nice, just letting it all out to each other. Thank you sis.

Harri and uncle mark and auntie constance have been good to me. I am blessed to have a roof over my head still, when this isnt even my family. Simon has been caring too. And though renren's obsessed with dota now, i noe his hands are always ready to reach out and support, though i must say dota is realli taking him away from us.

I shoudl go now. I have written enough. Graduaation was realli lovely. Photos will be up once kor has them ready for me. Graduation was realli memorable, and im so glad korkor was there :) Thanks kor!! Deep deep down, i wished mum and dad were there too...but I noe they are proud of me still. Kor took photos for me..and that was fantastic...he treated me to pastamania lunch too! :P After tht him, weiyi and i went to esplanade to watch the SAF band...I realli enjoyed it. The band was super. Maybe orchestra would be a better word. Ahh, nevermind.. So, yeap, photos will be up soon.; Ive realli written alot today.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

and she dreams again...

*yay*

HELLO EVERYONE! ^^

hmm...i did the craziest thing today---> in my terms, of coz! Those who know me well, what happens when a needle comes within a metre from me? ........... ........... AHAH! yes!

I would scream, cry and wail, even.

Well, today, I pierced my ears :) LOLZ. OMG OMG OMG. hahahahahahahaa. I did it. I love it, and im crazy abt it! hahahahahaa.

hARRI and rEne followed me to Giordano's hq for the interview today. Pls pray for me that i get my job? i SOO need it. But God has his plans. However, I really think I'd like it there. I hope i get it. The pay would be just nice, comfortable and enuff for me to do my stuffs yea.

Mmm...im happy...now..honestly...yea.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

and she dreams again...

-i forget and then i remember and then i forget-

It's been a much better few days. I felt very tired and sian and sick, so I took off on monday, and then again today. Finally decided i should quyit the job. Not much perserverance hah? But, I realli dun like it there. Tmr will look for another job.

Harri and i are chatting loads again..very happy. Renren and us been hanging out alot too...playing scrabble and all...yest we went to watch simon's band jam too...thru all this, ive had fun, and feel so relieved off my problems and worries. i feel happy for once in a long while, esp after last weekend. Everything was crashing down on me all of a sudden. Nearly lost myself then.

I indulged in a little smth today. It wasnt planned, but im very happy with it. I walked into the wallet shop, and saw smth i superbly liked. Its sooo me! Rene bought himself a wallet too, and i got a discount for mine becoz of his..kekeke..yay! *evil grin* hehee

gonna help harri with some summary stuff for tne mag now...baibuai!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

and she dreams again...

me, now-

Maybe I just cry too much. I have to be stronger if i realli wana fight the cold world myself. I shouldn't be relying on people anymore, maybe not even my own loved ones. I should pull myself together and start working my way to surviving on my own. There's no one else for me except myself (besides God himself of coz).

I realise i have had three jobs in the last three months. Cartel, Jiang education, and now telemarketing for DBS. And where do I find myself headed to? DBS itself! hehehe. I never thought so, but I'd be landing the same job as samanantha and carol. Thanks loads sammie kor! :) I know the job is gonna be tough, but at least i'll get stable pay, which is crucial for me now, and still will be. The telemarketing job has no future, seriously. Not much job satisfaction too.

Pray I get it, please? :)

I was extremely exhausted today. Not only was it the second day of my period, it was made worse by a pathethic three slaes today. I couldn't get more. Every call I made was rejected from lunch time till i knocked off. =(

I miss deaer loads, loads, loads. We find ourselves missing each other very much these days.

Dad and mum haven't replied. I checked mail secretly at work today, after i became too sick of calling leads. Then I checked again when i got back. Still nothing. i dont know what to do. It's up to them already. I can only pray and hope, and maybe BEG?? I noe i took them for granted, and was bad and all. I still remember who has brought me up. I mentioned it many times before. i am grateful. I haven't forgotten.

But there's time, so i'll wait and see. I wana go home, even if it means sacrificing things...coz home is the best place to be. I noe dear and I might face problems again with dad and mum...but it's inevitable isn't it. I just realli hope we will have a decent amount of time to spend together. Imagine if i work sats, if im expected to help at home, and sundays are almost gone, how much time would I have left wif him? It's gotta be fair, still rite? After all, i'd be slaving away for money 6 days a week. I should be able to spend a decent one and a half days with my darling? TRhat's the only thing...if I were out on my own, we would ahve an overnite to spend and wake the next morning and have breakfact together..till church time. BUT NVM. I just hope i can go home. haiz.

Coz, as I made my way home from work today, I realised even more now, how "cold" and "sharp" the world can be. work life is a bitch, totally. it takes ALL yr fucking time away, seriously. Just for wad? the fucking $ sign, to survive. fuck tht. But then I also realised, if one semester of my poly costs dad at least 1000, it's like 1/5 at least of his monthly pay. And everything else that he pays or has paid for. Instantly i felt like crap. it's not that i didn't realise all this any earlier. I did. That's why i didn't ana go Uni (well, just one of the reasons). BUT, I know now, being a grown up, how difficult it is to earn money. "grown up" in the sense of having to lead an adult's life...

Just for a day, i wana be a student again. Slack, get allowance, and really heck care. Now, i gotta wake up, and face it all. How do I say this...Emm...I felt sorry while I was on the way home, as i realised I had been very immature with my parents. But, all at once, i also felt that I need to fight for myself now. if i can't go home, I'd have to find an option then; be it in september when dear moves, or once I get a job proper, proper, and can pay for rent.

life is such. What can we do anyway.

Gd nite, world. it's getting ready for another boring day. But dear's driving test is tmr!! :) Gd nite my love. gd nite too