SORRY.

i wont be chatting on msn for a while.

i wont be blogging for a while.

im sorry. i dont feel like saying anything now.

and she dreams again...

Good Morning Everyone

I haven slept. I feel like....i dont know! A crazy person I guess! Ive been busy doing specialist paperwork and so far I've completed everything except my production field logs! SHEESH. I wish i didnt drag this for sooo long. I need to rush, later myst mop floor before I go and check on dear ...his fever is still very high. I HATE travelling there. I wish it was nearer. Ok, it is quite near...but no, it is quite far too!!! .............................OK MEL....CHILL.

I have come to realise, he is my VERY strong motivation to be up right now. If not, i'd just thrown everything aside and SLEEP. Still have to study for med law. WWWWWWAAHH.

Mel is amd. OH YEAH.

see ya all. have a gd morning!

and she dreams again...

Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday

Vigil started at 8pm and finished at 1130pm. It was the Easter eve mass. Grand, Lovely, enlightening and beautiful : ) The cantors, like myself, were in suits, and the church was full to the brim again. My choir wore white and black, and really looked good from where I was cantoring downstairs. I wana Thank the Lord for allowing me to sing so beautifully for my psalm. it was truly his doing and not mine. he sang thrume, coz I was getting the gitters again and because he sang thru me, i did well and didnt let the cantor ministry down. We all did our best and it was fabulous. It may have been a three and a half hr mass, but it certainly didnt feel like it. The Litant was inspiring as well, and no one screwed up on our parts. 39 new catholics were baptised this night. One by one, father baptised them. The church was lit with candles that was started by just ONE FLAME. Tell me the Lord isn't amazing. HE TRULY IS our Lord and saviour. Beyond ALL power of imagination. The songs my choir sang were filled with emotion and spirit. We inspired the congregation and we truly touched every single soul out there.

The choir celebrated over supper...and again, we sang with much joy during easter sunday mass today. the holy week ended very well.


But...dear....booked back out...hes sick...high fever, flu, soar throat. PARTLY MY FAULT I TELL YOU. Lord, have mercy please...he has to go back in tmr...pls Lord....heal him....

Now, ive gotta burn the midnite oil tonite and tmr nite and the following nite. FYP to finish, and med law to revise. GGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR. Pls, help me.

I hope specs looks lovely. Thank you Rich and Rey for the audio post. Thank you JH for the edit. Thank you Nezar, for being my partner in this. THANK YOU.

Peacd out everyone. Happy Easter.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOR.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a 1/4 century ld!! WHAHAHAHA. hehehehehehe : )

jw's mum, thank you auntir for such a nice dinner yesterday.

and she dreams again...

he's going back to camp tmr...but im happy...coz i had a good three days with him...and maybe a few hrs tmr...i think though he was tired, he enjoyed himself...im glad he got to have some time with all of us, those closer to him...besides me, some time with rene, harri, simon, his family...even some of his bunk mates. I do wish though, tht he had time to meet some other friends i know he's love to see. But nvm. I guess the weekends now will have more time for him to do tht. Trust, Trust God and somehow things will work out. Though at home now, everyoen knows..but it isnt sitting in soooo smoothly yet. I gotta work hard at it.

No matter what, it was a lovely day, esp nite with him today....chelle, thanks for giving me a chance to sing again at yr quiet little gig. It was lovely. Rene, thanks for coming along with us. Dear, im proud of you.

and she dreams again...

YAY!

DEar CAME back last NITE!!!!

i dont wana say much here, but it was awesome spending the nite over with him and today in town!! he lost so much weight.......i had a great time...

dear...im happy...thanks...

and she dreams again...

YAY!

DEar CAME back last NITE!!!!

i dont wana say much here, but it was awesome spending the nite over with him and today in town!! he lost so much weight.......i had a great time...

dear...im happy...thanks...

and she dreams again...

HEHEHE=)

hey all! Gosh, my flu doesnt seem to go away! And im worried coz im jamming with chelle on fri plus im cantoring for easter vigil on sat!!!! :p Lord, please.....make me better can? heh.

This week has been fun! My family is coming back on thursday, and apparently the weather there is gettin to them as well...But nick says they bought something realli nice for me! heheh...

Lets see, to summarise whats been happening since thursday...:

Went to sam's opening of his law firm,
Fri: went to schl, then met shirin and zlex then went to cantor meeting
Sat, felt terribly sick, stayed home to rest and sadly couldnt go for the efp shoot..then went to church for lenten vigil at nite. After tht had supper with the choir members...albeit my running running nose...
Sun: Went to have lunch at Bugis with Meliza, Stef, Joyce, Nicholas Chan, Freda, then went for choir prac, mass, then dinner with the joyce, freda, lisa, sammie, caroline, and i cant remember who else...then went to harri's to stay over...
Monday: left harri's and she came to my place for a while...then she went off, and i did my own stuff at home...
Tuesday: Today, I was feeling sick again and couldnt get up till 6pm. Rushed about the house, and went straight for cantor meeting...feel so bad tht i couldnt tok to dear when he called..but some serios tension was going on during meeting...harri and rene are at my place now...harri is sleeping lreadi...today i didnt get to mop the floor..i shall do tht tmr when i wake..
Tmr: mop floor! ahaha..wipe furniture...do paperwork, revise for med law...then go fetch dear from pasir ris in the evening...then after tht not sure yet...dunnoe stay over at whos...
Thurs: get shows taped at home..go fetch family in the evening...
Fri: good friday mass and chelle's gig. I think im gigging too with her..not sure..

ok gtg...

nite

mel

and she dreams again...

Hihi all...

im noa at harri's place...stayin tonite....hahaha still very sick leh!!!! *NIEHHHH* T_@

Today was nice...woke up damn tired, but headed to bugis to meet meliza, joyce, freda, nicholas godbro, ashley and stefanie for lunch. we had a nice time catching up over mos burger lunch, and went for choir practise after that. Mass was good, renay cantored realli well, and i had enlightenment during mas. =) I finally feel ready to lead the sops properly and love them all. Lord, thank you. Tonight, i understood how to love the people i found hard to love because i either didnt feel familiar with them, or there is an age gap, or so many other reasons. I felt so much happier when I extended my heart to them. Lord, thank you. Tonight, i re-understood how to believe like a child, and how to forgive like before.

Dear called, but he sounded so down. i felt sad tht he was sad. I tried to cheer him up, but how much can i do over the phone? I cant wait to see him and spend time with him when he comes back on wednesday evening. I realli miss him and need him with me. his training is gonna be tough again the next few days, yet there's absolutely nothing i can do.

This coming week is the most holy, most sacred week in the liturgical calender. it is holy week, leading up to Easter Sunday. The day where we remember God's sacrifice on the cross for us, his amazing love for us, that he sacrificed his son, to absolve our sins, to show us that even though we created a world full of ourselves and not for his glory, he still loved us and gave everything up for us. Remember the crucifiction, remember the stations, remember without God, we are nothing. he created this universe, and we are a dot in singapore , which is a dot in the world, which is a dot in the whole entrie amazingly infitnie space where other planets revolve in the eco system.

What should you do this week in preparation for holy week? attend daily masses, attend mass on maundy thursday, or at least say yr rosary, attend good friday service, and attend holy sat and easter sunday mass. this week's masses are what we call a "prolonged" mass. We open the mass on Maundy thurs, the usual opening is done, but we dont close the mass with the final blessing...we end and leave...fri comes, sat comes, and on sunday, easter, the mass closes with the final blessing, the big bang!

Okj, for me--usually I am too busy, and onli visit churches on thurs, attend good friday service and sing for easter vigil mass on saturday which ends at 12am. Im cantoring again for easter vigil. time to take out my suit again!

Dear is coming back on wed! So, see how either he follow me to practise or i send him home first and i meet him later..whatever the case, will spend time with him till thurs late afternoon, then need to fetch my family in the evening. guess they'll need my helpon thurs...fri have schl I THINK, wana be with him again, then will prob have to attend good friday service...then gig at nite? dunnoe if can. sat i realli hope i can see him before he goes in...coz i have to be fresh in church at 630pm !! WOOOH. you all must be going "what a mind boggling schedule mel!!" Frankly, i dont care...hahaha...will be mugging thru monday to wed...till he comes back...for exam...gotta finish specs too man!

*huge breath* *i can do it* I'm happy la...shant be stressed...coz im fortunate...im realli fortunate...God please grant me and dear the strength to perservere...pls grant my family and i the understanfing we need..i love my family very much too. Hope dear gets to meet up and spend time with rene, harri, fendi, jh, widya, family whoever who he misses and misses him ..yeah....

OLRITE. loads of RUBBISH in this entry...simon and harri rock!!!! hahaha BUDD.. to me........
MEL AND JW rock rock! hahaha=)

kekeke...utter rubbish mel utter rubbish!. Olrite, gotta be home tmr early enuff...dun wana waste my day! bye!

and she dreams again...

SICK

Olrite. whole body is aching fever is running throat and nose clogged and i need sleep. I can feel my boy giving way if i push it any further today.

ESTHER, IM SO SORRY. As much as i dont like outdoor shoots, I'd never wana sabo you. I really wanted to attend this broadcast event tht you spent so much time planning. But i felt this coming a couple of days ago, thats why i passed talence the tapes in case i need to go on mc today. I jinxed myself a bt i think.

im going to sleep now.

and she dreams again...

TIME CHECK

YES. Time Check pls? 5am on Saturday 18 March. I've been awake since 830am Friday 17 march. Having a horrid flu infection for the last couple of days. The most irritating thing is that my nose cloggs up together with my throay, and I have difficulty breathing. the smell of infected mucus is bad enuff. The colour is worse, and AND, the stickiness if just frustrating.

So i headed to schl for onli equipment stuff today. NVM. Sick, but still attend. I honestly know myself, that i can hardly contribute there in any manner. Tmr, broadcast event shoot. WAIT. I have to wake in 4 hrs time? ...

What did I do the entire day.

In the later afternoon, I met shirin and alex. They can combine together and make one of me. DAMN IT. Nonethelees was great meetingt hem after four yrs. Harri came along for a short while and I truly did enjoy their company today. Everything felt the same, except tht we were older and more womanly now. HAHAH.

We went to play pool and I bumped into a jerk i really didnt wana see forever. How dare he have the guts to say hi to me. ass.

Cantor meeting at nite, for easter vigil the next sunday aftre this one, which is lenten vigil. Due to emails i sent out over the cantor ministry egroup, it led to big sam toking to me and it prolonged the whole meeting. It left me crying on my way home. No, dont worry he dint scold me. In fact he was very forgiving about it, considering that i created quite a scene over the email group. I was angry, pissed off with certain things that werent right. And previously, i'd sent out an email to my choir which i unknowingly got some people toking abt. My wrong choice of words. Unintentional.

Anyway, Big sam really wants me to take over the sops. he wants me to learn to be adult NOW. he wants me to be a leader proper, ASAP. Just a while back, Nick said he needed me to grow up fast, and like NOW. i was very stressed up earlier tonight, because of all the wrong things i did, and after the prep talk, I realised I was stuck in a mess. Coz I wasnt ready to fully dispense my leadership role, and yet Im already expected to, and i felt realli horrible after i sent out those emails. yet all sam said was "dont do those stupid things again."

I dont know whats wrong with me. Deep Deep down, i wana do everything 100 percent, but i have WAY too many commitments, responsibilities, and i'm having a hard time balancing: School project and exam,family, choir sop head duties, cantor ministry responsiblities and meetings, my dear that i make sure i have enuff time, and take care of him..and now considering the few days are even more important than ever, singing class homework, friends, .
Since i started meeting old friends and haging out a lot more, my social life has become busier. But I stil have my work done along with it. But becoz i wana give 100 precent in everything, i'm beginning to feel the strain and stress. This week I have an additional stress factor, for those wh o know why. Once i got home, the things I had to worry about took up so much time, hence why I'm still here typing. I'm so so damn tired. But i've gotta do my stuff myself yes.

Im very sick, and yet im straining this week. I have to plan the next week according to my study needs, my cantor ministry needs as tues have meeting for vigil cantors onli and wed coz fetching dear, im not going for the monthly meeting ...and i have to be home at certain times of the days in the week to do certain things...and i promised friends to stay and all...im going mad. I really feel like the stress is too much. I not cpping now am i.

I should just sleep,,and tmr onwards try to take one thing at a time. I need schl to be over. I need a job . I need to get my demos done. AGH.

i need to be with him so badly right now.so so badly...its driving me mad...coz theres just no one here rite now...all i can do is write here..i cant bear to tell him coz i dont want him to worry for me..he has to stay focused while hes traning...im falling..with no pillars to support...

and she dreams again...


I wonder whats wrong with me. There must be smth wrong. Anyways, im sure i'll be able to correct whatever it is in time..this week will be my mini challenge...

i wish my brain was a computer then i can instill programmes like 'discipline" in it. Im very proud of dear. He has changed in just these two weeks. I think army has done him alot of good. Now he's "nagging" me for things, and im so happy . hahahahaaa.

Maybe girls should go to army? ?.... OK.. forget i said tht.

i think being away and having to handle on my own will teach me

and she dreams again...

Happy 3rd Month Dear...Im 45 mins early but nevermind that...: )

he sounded so tired when he called earlier this evening...haiz...Hope he gets enuff sleep tonight...heard tmr is gonna be tough on him -_--...I cant wait for him to be home...with me...

and she dreams again...

SCHOOL.

Just realised after reading samantha's blog, that we ONLY have EFP, Med Law Exam and Specs left. No more lessons...almost everything is done. WOW. man.

geesh.

and she dreams again...

*BEJEWELLED*

hahahaha! Im too distracted when im online! JUST TOO distracted! lways have games to play, people to play with, people to chat with! ahhh terrible mel! ALL my long awaited "must-get-it-done-work- has been pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed....... till dunnoe when...*BANG* mel ah mel..hahahaa...aniwaes, it was soo super fun challenging bejewelled against strong players! hehehe =) Thanks so much!

and she dreams again...

*yay*

ahaha. that is so bimbo rite? hahah.

Schl was olrite today, but im worried for med law! I shall start revising man!

i just got throat infection.....SHEESH...its hurting loh! AGH. wah, realli irritating..this week have so many singing thingys..and im sick.....oh man...

dear called...8 more days to go!! whee! he's doing absolutely fine..: )

and she dreams again...

-LONG, long, LOnG eNtRy!!!-

Okay, my dear friends..ive got LOTS to write tonight!!!! I must gather all my thoughts, and hopefully I don't forget anything I want to write, if not i'm sure I'll log back in to write! HEHE.

Now--> Today I had such a fantastic day!! I went to dear's place first to collect his phone charger. Jm and Joanne were home! Wow that was rare! I was suppose to meet Harri and Abdul for lunch, but it was too rush for us. We cancelled and I met Harri at her place. We headed down to Raffles to find our photo shop jobs...BUT she has forgotten where the shops are! We ate at deli france and I chose a cheap set meal which was really quite delicious. I hope i can bring dear to try it one day!

After all the eating and walking around, we headed to HMV, where we met Jill shortly after. I heard kelly Clarkson's CD . OMG. Her vocals are rawking!!!! Really mind blowing and the band back up is superb. I didn't know her CD was that good. No wonder ot's under "reccomended". : )

Jill met us at HMV and after today, the two girls have become wonderfully acquainted. :p I've been doing this alot the last few months; getting my gd friends to know each other! And I am personally very happy about that! We headed to cine leisure to have lunch at the food court, and it has become the food court that harri and I always end up waiting for friends at. Strange and quer. Rene came to join us, after applying at Raffles Design Institute (la salle). rene, I'm so happy you've got a place!!! He registered,BUT! he has to go to army first. =( . I told him, all three of us incluing dear will be studying at the same time by 2007! Hahaha. : )

Four of us walked to heeren again to do some shopping. That was when I remembered Reene needed to buy shoes! At the end of the day, we got his shoes. : ) Nice ones at that!! hehee. We waited this time for Simon to join us! Hahaha. Harri was soo happy. Simon joined us and we went to far east to shop. We stopped by seven eleven for drinks, and continued our shopping trip. By this time everyone was acquainted with Jill and it was so nice.

We did alot of shopping there (and i bought two bracelets) and headed back to heeren to get rene's shoes. HAHAHA. Harri and Simon got all impatient for their own quiet time that they disappeared to borders!! DOPE. She was SO happy today that she didn't even take photos!!! =) That's a gooood sign! We joined them later and had dinner at BK coz i had coupons! haha, what do you do with five broke broke broke friends..hahaha :p Poor us!

Home it was after a long day of shopping and loads of walking esp for me and Harri!!

I didn't care about work till I got home , and knew I had tons of things to do. I was busy chatting online, printing notes for med law for me and my classmate, and subsequently checking my email, schl web site, reading papers, making my soup, and organising all my stuff for this two weeks!. BUSY I am. Heh> : ). It is crazy, but I fel good having everything in order!.

Since I've been out so much, I decided to stay home a bit this week. Tmr schl then meet Mel then go home. Wed home. Thurs home then attending law firm opening. Fri schl, then meet Shirin and Alex then cantor meeting at Sam's for the next week's easter vigil. Sat broadcast even shoot whole day, then rush to chruch after that for lenten vigil p&w sessions. Sun meeting choir member joyce, early noon before choir prac.

Next week will be home alot to revise and catch up on work. Until dear books out those few days. Specs and Med Law in the midst of being done--i must stay focused!

Dear didn't call tonight, but I'm sure it's fine. ;p

Have I missed out anything?? HMM. I don't know. Happy sleeping!. Gtg!

and she dreams again...

*He's Olrite*

Dear finally called from camp, after four days. All my worries for him can be chucked aside now!! =) He;s fine, coping well, eating olrite, and sleeping comfy. He sounded so happy! Army gave phonecard even!. :p He was so sweet even when he was tired from traning. Yay...will get to see him in..less than two weeks!!! :D I'm very relieved, very happy.

Dear, jia you together!!

love, M

and she dreams again...

I didnt go for e-mage class today. Wasnt feeling up to it. I headed to the cinema to catch lemoney snickets as i had a free movie voucher from my work the other day. I hate the movie. I hate it. Full stop.

I felt worse after watching it. It certainly didnt brighten up my day one bit. I headed to dear's place to return his health book, pass yuner the tissue paper, and get his charger. I ended up leaving without his charger. I coulnt find it!!. I ended up packing up and neatening some of his stuff instead. Felt so different going there without him around. He hasnt called. Its been three days. His phone batt is at its lowest. ive been taking photos with it, to show him where ive been when he gets back. I need his charger now. Im worried, and wana know whats happening there. I hope hes sleeping well, being treated well, and hes coping. But he hasnt called. It must br tough there until he cant even find the time to call. Ive been feeling miserable without him ard, being able to contact him. I soudlnt be like this. I told him to be positive, to be strong, and im not. I just break down suddenly, coz i JUST cant reach him AT ALL.

After his place, i joined harrri and simon for bbq at ecp. Thanks guys for the free food and lovely company. I needed it. Sorri if i didnt make the time more happening. I wrote all over the beach. I wonder if it'll stay till morning? The best part abt writing on the beach is that the grafitti isnt permernant. The beach is lovely at nite. Again, i wish he was with us.

............... back to ironing. Eldred called earlier. happy Birthday Bro. Pls come home soon. You've been away long enuff.

nite all.

and she dreams again...

Earlier tonight, I went to FRIENDS pub at changi village for Chelle's first ever gig. However, after watching her performance tonight, I give her a good long CHEERS coz it felt like she'd been doing this for VERY long!! The gig was fantastic, and she did three sets! WOW.

I was really lucky coz Chelle invited me to jam with her and her guitarist, daniel during thier third set! I sang two songs with her, often swapping main and back up vocals. =) Daniel says I can also duo with him! =) heee. YAY. Rene came around 845, after rushing down from Ubi after his driving lessons. Thanks so much Rene! I really appreciated it . Chelle's bf, wen jian came later, together with two couple friends casey/david and regina/somebody else ( i cant remember his name). Casey looks like my friend mabel. The resemblance is incredible!.

The amazing thing is jian wei knew casey and chelle when he was ard 15 or 16. WAHHH. i had no idea he knew them tht young! They were already...what 23??? yahhhh....dear ah..hahaha...
Dear, tonight, everyone was asking for you...chelle was fun and whacky, so typical of us kc girls! ahahaha...it really stays on even after we leave schl. Casey asked for you as well, then i told her you are in camp now. Heh, she said she kinda scared you back then? She said you were so gentlemenly..hehee =) . My turn to say i really wish you were there....you must be sleeping now...next time i take you to the pub...

I hope you're doing fine there...

Olrite, its off to e-mage clas tmr! DANCE! mite drop by tinybox and see nikky..also going dear's place get his stuff..and go ecp for bbq yay...i have a free movie ticket..im trying to decide what to watch...Closer, Sideways, Hitch, lemony Sbnickets, Million Dollar Baby?

and she dreams again...

i cried just now...had a sudden breakdown..too tired...


yesterday after sending him off...harri and i headed home..i slept a while..and got up to go work...im doing part time for california fitness...to drag people in (literally)...nine an hr..not bad...aofr a few hrs in a day onli...just started..hope they give us more....though tiring nevermind..need the $ VERY badly...and as i did the job..i realised how many foreigners are at orchard rd daily..and wow...in three hrs saw quite alot of good looking interesting pple...who speak all sorts of languages man! whoa..heh.

weiyi was real nice...treated me to bao for dinner...so sweet....first time he'd ever done smth like tht for me..considering how difficult it is to get him to do a favour...

olrite...realli gtg...

gotta remember to go dear's place tmr...and to go catch a movie with my free ticket! heh it comes with the job..woohooo

this is prob the ugliest shot of us (appearance wise) well..seriously cant balme us...we were on the train magerly early ..and rene still in dream land..look at his hair!!!....but dear actualli looks nice in this hair...

dear..i hope you're doing fine in army first day...i miss you loads...keep wondering how you are...hope the food is olrite..hope you're ok with sleeping with yr mates...hope the early mornings and nites are olrite...hope yr bunk mates are nice pple..and wun make you feel horrid...dear...lets work hard together...im praying for yr safety...for yr health..fr yr strength...i hope you're ok...hope you find a pay phone to call home...yr handphone batt is still olrite...i will go back to yr place to get yr charger...

jz says yr company wun be so tough...dear, yr handphone actualli im used to using it liao..hehe...then so funny to take care of two phones..and some weird person called this morning...

rite..im off to bathe and meet rene for chelle's gig...not staying at harri's tonite...

dear and me...on the train..going pasir ris to send him off...=(...this morning...he looked...happy...realli happy....but..i wonder...

close up...

fendi and dear...at sae's studio b...

this would mean..ive got a lack of passion for most things...i dont know any longer...not sure where the road is taking me...not sure what my future is gonna be...i can try to make it be what i want...but God still has his plan doesn't he?

The feeling i get back home now is...im not wanted anymore...as in im realli a sore thumb..the love is still there for sure...but i feel extra. Im gonna try get a job..and try to juggle with my upcoming crazy plans for the next few weeks...im a little scared...uncertainty is bad all the time...some stuff i found out recently abt a friend shocked me ...but i dont wana tok abt it here...and, guess wad? this morning i went to schl, and ms teo was sick so we onli knew there was no lesson at 840am. shucks. ..

rite now..im gonna try finish up pcr to hand in tmr..since i wun be in schl on thurs...and study for tmr's test...dear is gonna be very busy tmr...and i finally finally get to catch up with juanita after a yr...wow...i look forward to it...but im worried abt dear...hmm recently shirin and i got closer again..and im happy to get to know her again..shes a sugar sweet girl...realli realli hair standing sweet. ahahaha...emm, i wanted to say more but i have forgotten...and yesterday's post got eaten up by blogger as usual..how irritating..grr...oh! i remember what i wanted to say...tmr im watching HITCH..and i still wana watch CLOSER, SIDEWAYS, LEMONEY, MILLION DOLLAR BABY, ...yeasss...but this month..heh..the $(liu) can die loh...

nite all. blogger damn pek chek leh.

hehehe dear and i....

and she dreams again...

forgot to highlight *lenten vigil* sat-sun 19-20 march 9pm-6am.

the two p&w sessions we are singing for are 9pm and 1045pm. the vigil is a stay over in church. happens every yr..organised by youths for youths...one of the MANY camps the church has...we also have easter vigils...hehe..though i have never stayed over before. i am soo tempted to this yr!. I may have a shoot in the noon..but hey! why not.

PLUS. Ignacious Bong local bassist is playing for us, together with a band!. my choir is accompanying. ROCKS.

NOW---> there are many things i wana achieve after schl. first up:

GET A JOB NOW.
no money
money fly away very fast recently.

want.
-hotel banquet jobs. or hotel related.
-f&b. cartel also can for now.
-video ez seems to be paying well.
-cd shops also can.
-harri says have foto shop.

hmmm...i wana earn and buy a thumb drive. then a handphone. then a creative player. then a laptop. olrite, olrite..i love to shop..so lots k..but tht will come if i have the MONEY, so tht dear also can have some relief on his part.
but. where to get job now when im still in schl? part time at most. a few weekdays at most. weekends are a no no. and all the jobs i want..you can tell have weekends involved.!!
sat singing class... sun choir. sat noons are reseved man. heh.

mm. lots i wana do. i need to brush up for my live class. my performances are still reseved and weak. i dun watch enuff live concerts. i dun noe enuff songs. i dun practise my songs enuff.
suppose to know 50 english, 50 chinese, absolutely familiar....im no where near.
e-mage 'exam". My performance exam is on 30th apr!! *gulp*

i need 60 dollars to record my demos. must send them out.
i wana go music dreamers cafe and audition. another 15 dollars.
i wana finish up piano and learn guit proper. ( this is on hold for now)

olrite. 17 march, im attending sam seow's opening of his law firm. shall go rubb shoulders.

*backstage productions, e-mage srtists concerts*
first -2nd apr, safra, tampines.
second concert--29th may!. COME SUPPORT PLS!. chinses pop from the best artists of my singing school! wan tix, pls ask me! PUB hall.

26th march, easter vigil ..im cantoring. 8pm-12am mass.
28th march- specs due! hand up both files and vhs, beta tape. Post SFC's ile and tapes as well.
30th march, med law exam! (start studying one week before!)

BUT waIT, for this week, i have cantor meeting on 10th march, 8pm...and 11th march, chelle's gig..dunnoe if im going. 12th march, my class starts 1pm...oh shoot, i need to get a fast song, sing and dance!! MUST prepare!.
and dear is going in tenth..morning....we will work hard otogether...=) im gonna miss him like mad..tht im not denying...and hes not bringing his phone...alreadi now i can feel it...oh well..but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!.

hahaha. alot for a girl like me eh. yeap. thts my life.

and she dreams again...

SUNDAY
heh. Today was a little different from my usual sundays since i joined CD choir 3+ yrs ago. I used to be out on sundays when I attended the morning mass. However, due to choir practise that led onto mass at 6pm, my timing for sunday was always neither here nor there. It's been a long long time since I went out on sunday. I did that today.
The intention was to watch simon gig at youth park, but the management there forked up and simon ended up gigging an hr earlier. Worst par was, he gigged for half a set. WTF rite. I think Harri and Simon are one mad mad duo. I really hope they get together coz she always looks the happiest ard him. We had lunch at the food court in cine, walked all the way to borders, then I realised I had to head to church. 8 times blah. Hahaha. It was nice, meeting them on a sunday. I know what it is about this that I like. I like to do things not of MY norm . Its fun. I HATE routine. I really do.
so, this afternoon was short, but sweet. dear did the sweet things again...accompanying me here and there...when he didnt have to walk those extra miles...=)
choir was olrite. alot of new comers so the room is getting stuffier.
on the 19th of march, ive got a lot of stuff going on man. broadcast event shootin the day, and lenten vigil praise and worship sessions at night. dear has a bass workshop he wants to attend at lasalle. heard hes going in for pre bmt aka ptp?? so he can come out on weekends...YAY. : )
hmm i dun like my blog template..coz the side thing cant come up!!!! and i lost some links...so sad...

and she dreams again...

i dont know what happened to my blog. someone please enlighten me. how do i bring the side bar back up to the top left?????

thanks dear..for a sweeet day.

singing class was madness. we danced, and danced and danced. WHOA. what a nite. heh.

hugs.

and she dreams again...

why are all my friends blogs so upsetting tonite particularly? haiz...well, i can understand. Rene..i read yr entry..hey..im sorry k..next time we dont go watch romance stories k..even if it is anime..coz long ago, when i was sec three...i went to watch a korean film. wait, when was sassy girl? it was tht film. I fought with my family, and was missing someone terribly, though i clearly cannot remember who. It must have been one of those crushes. I went on a sunday afternoon to the theater to watch the film alone. bad choice man. it made me so upset i cried thru most of the movie.

and she dreams again...

I Just read my junior's blog, and my first vocal coach's blog.
This junior of mine, i've always regarded her very differently from the normal girl you find in my course. she's very capable, professional in her ways though she used to get misunderstood and she's older than me by a yr. She came into the course late, which makes her my junoir, but to me it really doesnt matter. she probably knows a hell lot more than i do.

Recently, she's been very stressed, and is going thru similar probelms. Of coz, the scenarioss are entirely different. Shes got deadlines to meet in schl, and too much work. Shes got no money and needs more jobs. her dear and her are both stressed, and shes worried shes the casue of it mainly. or rather she feels she is. I realised in terms of work , money, it was pretty much identical to me. As for her dear..our stories are a little different, .i always felt my bf does so much for me...and so many times im more broke than he is...i feel horrid, like guilty and bad.. her dear also has financial problems...she said..many times the easy way out of things pops into her mind..and she gets realli scared. She takes a deep breath and knocks tht thought off. I felt an understanding when I read it. same here girl. hang in there jus..you'll be fine...we'll be fine. *hug*.

My first vocal coach, aaron, is going thru tough times at work. he has been changing jobs, and a girl left him broke last yr. he's trying to pick up the pieces again. I pray he'll be fine too.

let's all hang in there together..life just isnt a bed of roses for most of us. life presents problems all the time, to make us stronger, wiser and more mature. God does it for all these reasons and because he wants us to be the best of his likeness. We try.

btw, i know i sound terribly incoherent in this entry, but let me ramble. my english is atrotious. rich, teach me man. you england powder la dey

Dear God,Please grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.Living one day at a time;Enjoying one moment at a time;Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;Taking, as You did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it;Trusting that You will make all things rightif I surrender to Your Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this lifeand supremely happy with YouForever in the next. Amen.Love,Your broken child

and she dreams again...

JADED ANYONE

yesterday was TERRIBLE. I nearly shifted out. I think im the worse daughter any parent could have. I have upset them so deeply, im lost. I dont know what the hell is going on inside me anymore. balance has been thrown off totally? im sooo young inside me? I dont know. I hate myself very much tht i say. I love prob 10 percent of myself.

Tht was yesterday.

Today

im still home, i didnt go to harri's for movie marathon or i wouldnt need to step back home. Nvm. Im very very happy tht i have a bf who never puts preasure on me.He understands, and doesnt make me do otherwise tht i need to do even if it means tht we spend lesser time together. But interestingly, the time becomes so much more precious. He's wonderful to me.

Moving on.

I couldnt take any more of schl today. HAIZ.

And besides tht, i'd like to mention again that for specs, i have a fantastic crew. My editor is great. My sound guy is efficient, my director and i still work well together. Lord, thank you, for giving me one thing in schl to still be proud of.

I wana finish schl.

I will find work soon.

I TOO want to go overseas. if only japan didnt cost tht much. i wana go with shaun and janice to japan. DAMN. provide me some cash Lord. i need a break. BADLY.

BRIGHTER, happier news--> dear was superbly happy today. i was happy, relieved and just so glad he was so happy. really. makes me warm inside and an xing. He and rene had a great time at the kelong the last two days. I thgink it really helped.

Thank you Lord.

love, M

MOO MOO

and she dreams again..

Patience is a virtue and value. Friends are amazing.

School was this morning. I let it come and go. During the duration of the morning, I gave dear and rene countless wake up calls...depending on who needed to wake first. then harri. I headed to hmv after class, and the nice day started.!

First up! I bought my new swatch watch strap, coz the old one is in terrible condition already. I changed it to black of coz. =). That cosst quite a bit.

Harri and I then headed to marche for lunch. We shared so cost was affordable at the end. We couldnt resisst the thoughts of sausage, potato and pizza from marche! Too good to miss!.

Next up, we went walking ard heeren. AH! so many nice things to get!! Billabong had these crazy pencil cases with lame lines...a realli awesome DCP t-shirt...ripcurl had a super duper sweet looking keychain...there were some nice t-shirts i saw dear would like...converse shoes!!!...and many other things i wish i could just buy and not worry about where the money comes from! haha..thank goodnes i dont shop often. Thats the feeling my friends always get!.

Next up, we ended up at TWO cd shops and i bought 2 cds for the price of one. Rick Price. : )

By this time, simon and rene were already with us for quite a while. I was dying to meet dear...and FINALLY, when he came..i was overjoyed! ^__* Missing him was so jia lat..and i wanted to just hug him, run away and never let go. He's my darling. He's so so sweet.

We went to watch howl's moving castle, together with my bro. the movie was so so heart warming.
Rite now, I need to bathe and sleep. TIRED. tmr will be work day for me, and dear and rene will have a great time!!

I realli hope harri makes a happy decision when the time comes..=) Should it come.

love, mel

OOOO.. i love the colours in the pic...kudos to my photographer friend harri again!..hehee...thanks for such a fun time this afternoon!

the love cow outside marche hmv..hehee

at heeren..just coz i wanted to...shopping free and easy..wish i had all the money in the world..too many lovely things to get!

and she dreams again...

AND!! before i toodle off tonite! Heres smth for all of you to LAUGH at! My friend, mervin was online tonite...and also mugging like mad for his own work..transcribing musical scores...it used to e lab reports he was busy with! hehe..Now, my ec schl friend, shirin is also mugging lab reports, so three of us MUG online together..HEHE..but he went off..and i was taking a break, watching tv! sp..these are some of the things he left me...

GOOD NIGHT TO YOU
BAD NIGHT TO ME
worse night to whatever
remember to drink ribena
eat grapes drink vinegar
pour vodka on your head
then can COOL your head
plant a bomb in your attic
1+2+3+4+5= five woozy heads

then he went off
hahahahaha crazy. i dont even know why he wrote tht. I think its strss overload. heh.

harri , dear and rene made my day so funny!! Thanks all three of you for brightening my day after chatting with me tonite! ahahahahahahah...dear and the not so good rojak...harri and the encounter with the perv...rene and his kewl voicemail..hwahwahwa...you three rock man....: )love you all...esp...hehehee...you know..no need me to say...heee

imoffnownite!

my dear!!! : ) he looks sooo pro here.hehehee...

my dear and harri...its quite funny..before work load came in..i was suppose to be out with her today..and dear with his bass friend....hahaha then..i ended up meeting her at expo for lunch and exhibition..and she met him for dinner..heheheheheheh =) many friends tot my pic with her looked like me and him...jw, harri, i think you two are the siblings seperated at birth! hahahaha...you two look alike man...

i swear..i could sleep for hours on this sofa....

looks round? harri's fish eye lens..hehee

WHOA this is a shiok chair!!!!! u'll need a big house for this one piece of furniture...hehehe

at a furniture exhibition at expo today...pic one

heeeeee

hehehe our headphones...

and she dreams again...

STRESSED tired and have NO enegry for schl NO MORE.

This is the last straw. I cant take it . Tonight, i have gone mad. Thank you harri, for taking in all my lashing out, complaining and bitching about my work.
I KNEW i had work to do, but tonight, I discovered, i have not alot, but ALOAD of work. first up:

(1) my LONG overdue content analysis. ( how much time do i need to get tht done? how many times must i watch friends to do it??)

(2) Revision for MED LAW. --> Term Assignment (15 %) DUE- THIS FRI 4th MARCH. (I just found out.)

(3) World Issues (I.S) Reflective Essay. DUE Next MONDAY, 7th MARCH

(4) Promoting Coporate Relations- Resume and Cover Letter. DUE following MONDAY,14th MARCH.

(5) Specialist FYP. Final Budget/Overlunder Budget Result Reports. Group Report (Rich, Mak, pls give me.) Production Field Logs. DUE with file, tapes end of MARCH. Dubbing of DVDRs as well. SFC file. SFC tapes. Release of finances after project.


I cant take it no more. Yr three is terrible. When you're free, you're free. When the work comes, it just comes and attacks you.
I have totally STOPPED watching television. what is happening to me. I have stopped reading things. I feel like im living in a well, and I dont know hoe deep it is.

LET ME RANT.

Dear, im sorry to make you read all this. This is the only place i can vent out my displeasure with the world, with myself, with the things ard us.

I am seriously tired. I wana work. I wana run away.

I am confused with myself. I no longer know exactly what im feeling and thinking anymore. I just dont deserve what I have. Is this being ungrateful? No. Probably a whole lot of pessimism has gotten into me recently. Yet, i tell pple to always be happy, optimistic, and look at things on a brighter side, and it'll all be fine. Of coz deep down i still believe in tht. I probably havent been praying enuff.

lORD, be my guide pls, and help me. I need your strength Lord. Have Mercy on yr child.

Amen.

I will SURVIVE. WE WILL.